To wish if my orgasms were going to die that my desire for orgasms would die too

[ThatNimblePeer]

I’m early 40s, probably perimenopausal. Had no difficulties with (great) orgasms in my teens and twenties, started a slow slide probably from my mid 30s and around 37 I’d say my sex drive really started to go through the floor. I found it a huge, huge loss of something that had previously brought me a lot of psychological happiness and release, and really grieved it, but as it’s been several years now I suppose I’ve sort of started to get used to it. I find it really hard to orgasm now and even when I do it’s a totally fizzling little blip, more depressing than not having one. I could sort of live with that, what I find massively frustrating is that I still sometimes get the feeling of wanting to come, and remembering what a great orgasm used to feel like, even though I know that the reality won’t be worth the effort. AIBU to think that it’s really unfair to still get this feeling, and that if my orgasms are going to go my desire to orgasm ought to go with them?

I hate the feeling that my body is falling apart in meno so I’m happy to read all this.

I needed testosterone on top of the other hrt to sort out my orgasms. Vaginally oestrogen helped with the other symptoms of atrophy.

Maybe a little too personal, but do you use sex toys? Maybe you need to experiment a little with some.

Glad you posted this - I thought it was just me!

Although I think the reasons for mine are different. Back in Covid my back went and an orgasm although pleasurable would then result in sciatica instantly. It was literally pleasure followed by several seconds of stabbing pain in my back. So I stopped - it wasn’t worth the pain.

Now the pain has gone but so has the pleasure. I can still have an orgasm but there is absolutely no pleasure or nice feelings in it at all. It just feels numb.

The 3 doctors I spoken to about it don’t seem to care either.

I am on amitriptyline for the back pain but I did have a couple of years off it with no improvement so I don’t think it’s that. I also had excellent orgasms whilst on amitriptyline before Covid.

I fear it’s nothing physical for me but psychological- because it hurt before and now my brain has associated it with pain instead of pleasure.

Clitoral-sucking sex toys can help to restore feeling in your clitoris, alongside hrt.

I'm 41 and had about 3 months of weak orgasms and totally lost the ability to orgasm if I'd had a couple of drinks.

A LOT of research on the matter followed!

I'm pleased to report Im back to normal now.

How and when do you use the cream? I was prescribed it and didn’t like using the applicator so have given up on it but I’m curious now.

I'm a 67yr old woman, still having good orgasms. I'd go to the Dr with this problem, it's not normal at your young age.

Opposite here. They're the best it's ever been. Very strong ones. I hope you find something to help get things back to how they used to be.

I am in my 40s. They're better than when I was in my 20s and 30s because I am more confident about what I want.

You may have clitirol atrophy - speak to your GP or nurse about this. Topical oestrogen could help.

A lot of women use their finger to apply it because it means they can rub it in. Pea sized amount inserted and rubbed on to vaginal walls - not too high. And a little around the rest of your vulva.

@Fridaynightfish thank you! Do you use it every day or just when you want to have sex?

Thank you for starting this thread OP, I thought it was just me and that it was due to a different health issue. So I’m very cheered by this thread and have ordered the love honey toy.

My tip especially for the poster who has never orgasmed is to swap your shower head to one that has a setting with a central jet of water, something like this. https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0DSZM965B/ref=sspamwdetail0?ie=UTF8&psc=1&spcsd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9waG9uZV9kZXRhaWw&aref=1hOeGe8Gb0

It also works to unscrew the shower head completely and partly cover the end of the hose with your thumb to get the right amount of pressure. Discovered this as a bored teenager and it has served me well over the years!

Im lazy and often can’t be bothered with the faff of sex toys, but I can have a very powerful orgasm almost every time I get in the shower, with zero effort.

I also have a Perifit and it was fun for a while but then I got bored of it.

(Edited to add disclaimer- I don’t have that exact shower head, the one I have is no longer available on Amazon, but it looks similar. Any with a setting that creates one thick jet of water should work.)

Taking HRT transformed my experience with sex. I spent seven years feeling indifferent.

HRT has helped mine, but now they are more short and sharp, rather than the lovely afterglow type orgasm.

Get a lemon 🍋 I'm 57 and have amazing orgasims with one of these.
Check out Hello Nancy. Com😜

Yes, pre menopause, it would be daily, or if really busy at work, every other day.

I'm also in my 40s and having only had orgasms after meeting my current partner in my mid-30s, I also feel sad that they are no longer strong as they used to. But also, I've noticed a huge correlation with my physical health. I haven't done any exercise since Oct last year and it has definitely made things worse. I guess at our age the gym+HRT+pelvic floor exercises is a must. Easier said than done... I know...
My friends on the other side of peri tell me that things improve once menopause fully kicks in... I guess we can have some hope!

Kegels, vaginal oestrogen cream and get your testosterone levels checked too. Some GP’s will prescribe it but if not you can get it privately

I'm almost 56 and can't relate to this at all - no change here. I'm not on HRT either. I think you should see your GP.

I am in my mid 50s, been with DH since I was 17 and have orgasmed every time, I am very lucky he is good

The only time I had weak orgasms was just after my hysterectomy but I think you have to force yourself to do it regularly and they are now as stronger as ever, I am oestrogen and do pelvic floor exercises.

You need to use it or lose it I think 😁

@WindowSilver

I use the applicator with the prescribed dose 2x a week, I just wipe the leftover cream from the applicator tip when I take it off over my clitoral area.
So I use a tiny tiny amount, it took a few weeks to build up but my orgasms are toe-curling again. It’s like travelling back in time.
Hope it works for you too!!

Testosterone gel made all the difference for me.

Me either. (well not awake, since my early 40s and I'm now 47, sometimes I wake up having what I can only assume is an orgasm!)

But HRT plus testosterone plus kegels and pelvic floor surgery, plus yoga has definitely made me a whole lot more interested in sex.

Agree. Have you tried a Satisfier / other clit sucking toy?