To wish if my orgasms were going to die that my desire for orgasms would die too

[ThatNimblePeer]

I’m early 40s, probably perimenopausal. Had no difficulties with (great) orgasms in my teens and twenties, started a slow slide probably from my mid 30s and around 37 I’d say my sex drive really started to go through the floor. I found it a huge, huge loss of something that had previously brought me a lot of psychological happiness and release, and really grieved it, but as it’s been several years now I suppose I’ve sort of started to get used to it. I find it really hard to orgasm now and even when I do it’s a totally fizzling little blip, more depressing than not having one. I could sort of live with that, what I find massively frustrating is that I still sometimes get the feeling of wanting to come, and remembering what a great orgasm used to feel like, even though I know that the reality won’t be worth the effort. AIBU to think that it’s really unfair to still get this feeling, and that if my orgasms are going to go my desire to orgasm ought to go with them?

All very interesting stuff, thank you for this thread and I hope things improve.

Im another late adopter of a bullet vibrator to brilliant effect but also always buy really good lube - Yes is my favourite, lovehoney sell it, or Durex naturals aren’t bad either. Baby oil gave me a horrible reaction.

How do we get hold of that?

It’s so comforting to know I’m not alone! I’m on HRT including testosterone but little improvement in orgasms. I’m going to look up kegels!

I asked my GP once my oestrogen was stable. So six months after starting HRT.

They did a test, showed I had zero in my system. Have been prescribed the gel for two years now.

I thought I was the only one!

58 and still strong.

It was quite a faff, let me tell you. GP would not prescribe it (despite the NICE guidelines saying they can if it’s for libido related reasons).

So I had to ask him to refer me to a gynaecologist and wait several weeks for that appointment. After an approximately 30 second discussion with the gynaecologist, I got my prescription for testosterone. My GP is now happy to prescribe it. But only once the gynaecologist had written to him to give him the go-ahead. 🙄

I can’t help but wonder what the cost of all this was to the NHS. My gynaecologist appointment was in a hospital and on a Sunday. I’m sure cost wise it would’ve been much more effective if the GP had just given me the bloody prescription.

Is this really a thing? Im 50 and don't have this. I know libido can drop but I didnt know orgasms can become shit. Ill be gutted if that happens to me.

Im 50 and mine are better than they have ever been. But I think thats because I have a boyfriend that I am completely obsessed with. Having intense chemistry has made me go from normal orgasms once every few days, to really hard orgasms - several in a day. Having sexual chemistry with someone has just 'woken me up'.

Both my libido and my orgasms fell off a cliff at 50. I’d always felt really lucky that I could have incredible, multiple orgasms with ease (and having an adroit husband helps).

It was doubly frustrating as I had no other menopause symptoms at all and was still having regular periods.

Anyway, 2 years on, everything is back to normal but I was buggered without testosterone.

First stop is your GP. Some, though not many , are trained to prescribe testosterone. If they can’t then ask for a referral to a menopause clinic and they can prescribe it - the NHS can only prescribe it for libido issues so you must mention this.

Once it’s approved by the doctor you need a blood test to ascertain your current level and if it is within a certain range it is prescribed. Takes a while to kick in.

Alternatively go privately and it could be quicker although I received it extremely quickly on the NHS. Far too few women receive this important component of HRT and I’ve certainly never heard of anyone being offered it.

I would suggest a toy and lube. I don’t orgasm the same either but pelvic floor exercises do help imo

Don't give up hope! The same happened to me. I'm on HRT now, PLUS vaginal estrogen. I think it's the vaginal estrogen that has made the most difference. You can get it in creams but I prefer Vagifem tablets - insert one tablet every day for two weeks, and then twice a week thereafter. Don't bother with the uncomfortable plastic applicator - I just use a finger to insert it. Honestly, it's been such a game-changer.

If it's still not working, you could speak to your doctor about maybe introducing a compounded testosterone cream or gel for libido. I don't seem to need it, but I may do at a later stage.

I had the same issue, HRT, Estradiol and a pelvic floor kegel tens machine have all made a huge difference. It’s not perfect but getting better. Have you had kids? If you have, a knackered pelvic floor may be partially the issue (or at least it was for me).

Another vote for Ovestin cream to plump things up and testosterone to bring back libido.

Also take a use-it-or-lose-it approach.

I’m well into my 60s.

I remember reading an interview with Naomi Wolf years ago about how she had some kind of spinal nerve compression issue, and after surgery her orgasms become amazing. Apparently the nerves in the lower back do a lot of the sensory transmission to the brain, so if you have lower back issues, it may be affecting your perception of orgasm.

One more reason to get regular massages!

edited for spelling

Look up female physio co on instagram, she is firmly in my algorithm now so I never miss a day of pelvic floor exercises! She’s incredible… good luck with it all! The only time I had this was in pregnancy, it was soooo frustrating! My mum and sister were both perimenopausal in their late 30’s so at 35 now I’m anxious about what’s to come in a few years. Do us women ever get a bloody break!!

Me too. I’ve never done so many pelvic floor exercises in my life!

I'm mid fifties and have the same issue as OP. HRT patches, vaginal HRT and testosterone haven't helped. The only thing that seems to help with sensation is being very stoned, but that's more about internal sensitivity. Haven't found anything to restore my strong clitoral orgasms. They now peter out when I should be coming. Very frustrating and upsetting. I'm convinced the issue started when my bf convinced me to go on the pill for a few years, but I've no evidence other than the timing of the decline.

@Bubbles332 "I also have a Perifit which is a stupid thing where you can play computer games by squeezing a wand with your vag. It made kegelling 1000x less boring."

This might be one of the strangest sentences I've ever read. I'm intrigued though.

I’m sorry. It really, really sucks. I hope you find some helpful suggestions on this thread.

I believe daily is very unusual.

You can play flappy bird with your…flappy… bird. I love it. My favourite one is one where you are a shark and you have to squeeze to open his jaws and eat the little fishies but avoid bombs. Honestly I’m obsessed.

Do you feel satisfied afterwards?

I found testosterone cured this in about 2 weeks

No, I feel completely miserable. Because I’m not even that old and it’s such a huge loss. And it makes me feel so past it, and sort of freakish and ashamed (unreasonable clearly, as it’s evidently far from being an uncommon experience). I’m buoyed for but also envious of the women on here having great orgasms in their 50s and beyond!