To wish if my orgasms were going to die that my desire for orgasms would die too

[ThatNimblePeer]

I’m early 40s, probably perimenopausal. Had no difficulties with (great) orgasms in my teens and twenties, started a slow slide probably from my mid 30s and around 37 I’d say my sex drive really started to go through the floor. I found it a huge, huge loss of something that had previously brought me a lot of psychological happiness and release, and really grieved it, but as it’s been several years now I suppose I’ve sort of started to get used to it. I find it really hard to orgasm now and even when I do it’s a totally fizzling little blip, more depressing than not having one. I could sort of live with that, what I find massively frustrating is that I still sometimes get the feeling of wanting to come, and remembering what a great orgasm used to feel like, even though I know that the reality won’t be worth the effort. AIBU to think that it’s really unfair to still get this feeling, and that if my orgasms are going to go my desire to orgasm ought to go with them?

I had similar a year and a half ago after the forceps delivery of my massive son destroyed my pelvic floor. I got a Kegel8 machine and electrocuted myself with it every day for 12 weeks. The aim was to sort out all my incontinence /prolapse/ general atrophy issues but a bonus was that it really improved sex to the point where it’s now actually better than it was before I gave birth.

Vaginal moisturiser improves the tissue quality as well. Hylauronic acid ones are meant to be the best kind.

I also have a Perifit which is a stupid thing where you can play computer games by squeezing a wand with your vag. It made kegelling 1000x less boring.

I also have a Perifit which is a stupid thing where you can play computer games by squeezing a wand with your vag. It made kegelling 1000x less boring.

🤣

I’m sorry about that. Maybe yours are still to come?

Certain medications do that for me. I've stopped medications for that reason more than once.

I’m glad someone mentioned this, Dh has tried really hard but it’s just not happening. It’s extremely frustrating. Imma buy a kegel machine.

Hrt helped massively. Hadn't really enjoyed sex since mid 30s - kids, tiredness and no drive.
HRT gave me zing back. Get your testerone levels tested too

Hrt helped massively. Hadn't really enjoyed sex since mid 30s - kids, tiredness and no drive.
HRT gave me zing back. Get your testerone levels tested too

Are you taking any medication that could affect this? You have options: try a little corn or a toy to help.

I hadn’t had one until last year aged 51and invested in a bullet vibrator. I have a v healthy sex life with my wonderful DH but have just never orgasmed. Vibrator works wonders.

I'm 69 and still on HRT and still enjoying myself.

I'll stay on it forever.

@Ponoka7 I'm happy with sex only twice a week.

Only?

Agree that HRT including testosterone can work wonders for libido and orgasm quality. Mine aren’t quite back to my pre-menopause mind-blowing psychedelic bliss ones, but they’re a damn sight better than before HRT.

My mum had BC and I’d personally ruled out taking HRT for that reason but once I realised I was looking at the rest of my life without the most pleasurable part I decided the risk was worth taking. I love sex and like a PP masturbating daily is now part of my self-care. I read that keeping blood flowing to that whole area helps keep things plump and sensitive. I don’t need telling twice! Bought a Womaniser but tbh I can’t handle it after about a minute as its too direct. Good old coconut oil is a life saver.

Testosterone gel can help, and also believe it or not Viagara can also really work well for women. It increases blood flow in that particular region and improves orgasms x 100%.

I have recently realised that Estriol cream (very low hormones) dabbed on the outside works true wonders and I was feeling just the same as OP.

@Blobbitymacblob Are you on any medication? My libido tanked on anti depressants, and I couldn’t orgasm.

I had that same side effect, but I found it pleasant. My libido is generally low now, but it almost entirely disappeared on anti-depressants. I thought it was nice going about my usual life and never thinking about sex.

I also find a bit strange that when libido is low, sex seems very disgusting. Does anyone know why that is?

Kegels, hrt cream. And I read about a toy that is supposed to be amazing. It's on sale with Boots.

"Lovehoney X Romp Switch Clitoral Suction Simulator - Boots" https://www.boots.com/lovehoney-x-romp-switch-clitoral-suction-simulator-10295021

This is all amazing info !

Have you tried the womaniser? That might do the trick And elvie pelvic floor trainer too.

I have considered writing a similar post, am 45 recently came of the pill that stopped all my periods and I’ve only had 2 since (super heavy) so I think am definitely in the peri. But also am taking duluxertine for mood and anxiety and honestly it’s like my clitoris packed up, moved holes and left no forwarding address. Some times I can’t even find it I don’t know how my partner is meant to :(

The thought of this really made me laugh, I',m having images of you in your living room with a wand up your vag and your kids sitting playing with you on normal controllers 🤣🤣🤣

Please do go see GP and ask for HRT. My orgasms (courtesy of DH) are the best they’ve even been. Sex quality is getting better (sadly quantity going down but DH is 50 so takes longer to reload).

You can still safely use topical oestrogens (cream or pessaries) which could be very helpful.

Possible to also buy from the chemist, without a prescription.

yep this has happened to me too. happened suddenly at age 45, I just feel dead down their now. I'm on no meds to cause it so think its simply down to peri meno. I really miss the amazing mind blowing orgasms I used to have. on the rare occasion I do orgasm they are so weak and pathetic im left feeling so unsatisfied. Another joy of the lovely menopause mother nature has given us women that nobody tells us about.
im definitely coming back as a man in my next life!

I totally understand this!
But once they become enjoyable again, they soon stop being a chore.
a weird thing I discovered recently - my back was hurting so I lying on the plastic acu pressure / nail beds from Amazon (they’re only about £20) as they’re supposed to improve blood flow to the lower back. I was doing it every day and after about a week I suddenly realised I was feeling like sex too! It really lasted and then ebbed when I stopped lying on it.

The Nancy Friday book My Secret Garden is a good read too - if you’re feeling your desire is waning! Read it whilst lying on the mat doing pelvic floors and I bet you will be back to normal in no time!!

I’m so sorry to read this but mid forties is no age at all and you can most definitely start now.
Main thing is to find yourself an afternoon of privacy - no interruptions, no jobs to do.
buy yourself a vibrator in advance - maybe a few different ones. Make sure you have some kind of lubricant - baby oil/ Vaseline or coconut oil will do. When we were young Nancy Friday’s My Secret Garden used to be a really popular book and I read bits of it the other day and it’s interesting because it explores accounts of female fantasy - some you may not like but one may resonate and make you feel excited.
and then see what happens.