Childless houseguests-AIBU to keep my child quiet and out of the way?

[StressedHost]

If you have houseguests without children, that like to have sleep-ins and a quiet house, long meals etc., do you minimize all disruption caused by you child (ren) and adapt your schedule to those of the guests? Or do you go on with your life as usual?
I don't know what is the right thing to do and had a fight with DH over it. Essentially, I think it is basic kindness towards the guests to not disturb their sleep and quiet, and I'm aware that children of other people can be quite annoying, especially if you are childless and not used to the noise levels etc. DH thinks we owe them nothing, since they invited themselves and were aware that they were going to stay in a household with a young child.

For context, the guests are neither friends nor family. It is a former colleague that I know quite well, but am not particularly friends with, and her boyfriend, whom we had never met before he came to stay at our house. They sort of invited themselves for a few long weekends over the summer, because we live in a quite touristy, but expensive city. They are here to do sightseeing/going to events in our city, not to spend time with us. They stay for free obviously, but buy some of their groceries (special things they need due to intolerances).

We have a spare room/office, but our flat is quite small. And unfortunately the spare room is right beside the kitchen/living area, so they could certainly hear us getting up at the crack of dawn with our DC. DC is a typical 6YO, not particularly badly behaved, but will talk loudly, jump or run. DC is also awake latest at 6:30 am.
We have the first weekend behind us, and it was stressful. Especially keeping DC quiet from 6 am until 10 am (when the guests finally decided to get up) was hard. I tried to play as quietly as possible with DC in their room while feeding them only cookies for breakfast, to avoid noise in the kitchen (had no coffee myself as well until 10 am, because of our noisy coffee maker).
The guests are otherwise quite nice people-clean, tidy and did not complain about DC or the noise so far.

YANBU=Yes, it is basic kindness to keep your DC quiet. You agreed to the visits, so you have to do your best to keep the guests comfortable.

YABU=They invited themselves and were aware of the DC before coming, go on with your life as normal.

We will not agree to further visits by this couple (beyond the ones that are already planned), and probably stick with inviting only close friends or family until DC is older. So it is a lesson learned.

Good grief woman- the only ones being unreasonable are your houseguests!

Its a little more difficult as she’s a colleague, so you can’t just tell them to bugger off if they don’t like it, but do you know when they next want to visit? Because you are very busy aren’t you? Mil (your DS, insert likely person of choice) is coming to stat for an unspecified amount of time. Or you are visiting them, or going for a surprise getaway.

The most you can do to accommodate them is to perhaps keep the kitchen area quiet until 7am- but why are you creeping round without coffee until 10?
Ignore the pointed looks about your child, or be passive aggressive and make remarks along the lines of “oh darling Freddie is so cute when he sings and dances to his favorite song” or better still, have Cbbies on and join in the sing along.
With any luck that will put them off from returning!

Did they bring any goodies with them? Flowers, wine, treat foods? Are they taking you out for a lovely meal to say Thankyou?

I am childfree and no way would I expect anyone who I was staying with who had young children to keep them quiet. I remember staying with some friends many years ago and they kindly let us have their bed. Their 3 year old screamed the place down when he came into the room at 3am expecting to get into bed with Mummy ancd Daddy. As far as I know it didn't scar him for life

Edited for typo

Stop adjusting your life, and your child, to make them more comfortable. I think 6.30 am is quite early but they have invited themselves! Carry on with your lives as normal, they're not forced to stay with you. If you don't feel you can uninvite them for the next visit, can you at least say you understand if they want to sort their own accommodation as you know your child wakes early, plays loudly etc.

Also, I wouldn't say you will be away when they next want to visit because they'll probably say that's fine, just leave a key.

If they're staying with you then they adapt to your life. It's unfair to try to restrict a 6yo in their own home.

If the guests complain then they can get online and book a hotel airb&b or something nearby

I can't believe that your guest invited herself and then her boyfriend to stay. They are taking advantage of you. They must expect noise if they are staying in a family home - if they don't like it, they can find somewhere else to stay. If you pander to them, they will just keep inviting themselves more.

Kindly, you are being ridiculous. They were fully aware you have a child in the home and presumably they are benefiting from not having to fork out for accommodation so they will have to suck it up. You carry on with your life and they will have to work around you given you are in your own home. Otherwise they can find a hotel / make alternative arrangements if they want a lie in 🤷‍♀️

I always keep the noise down a bit but don’t make my children suffer for it. I’ve taken out for breakfast as a treat kind of thing. Same in my sisters house I will make my kids be quiet there and bribe with tv until af least 8 . I’m very sensitive to noise so that makes me a bit paranoid but I’m also considerate

Let children be children. Especially in their own home. Your guests can stay elsewhere if they don’t like it

I think I would let the child make as much noise and be as annoying as humanely possible so that they won't want to come again!

What sort of mother let’s a colleague and her partner stay in her home with very young children??

What’s wrong with you???

I'm confused...why don't you tell them the other visits wont work for you? This is a huge imposition all across the summer and it's fair enough to say no.

A flood in the guest room/ urgent repairs needed etc

OP, how do you manage at work when you surely have to say no to people some of the time?

I understand you agreeing to your colleague coming on her own for one weekend. But the rest is pretty appalling. Your poor DH and DS. Do you not love them more than you hate saying no?

This, in particular really stuck out to me:
Also, the last time, the BF had already booked his train ticket when his visit was announced, so I felt I could not say no anymore.
You were manipulated. Do you recognize that? It should have made you angry but it doesn’t seem to have.

Contact your colleague, tell her the weekend really didn’t work for your family and you think she needs to make other arrangements for any further stays in the city.

On keeping your DC quiet I would just say, if you’re living in a flat, then developing a routine that keeps your DC quieter and happy until 7:30/8:00 am is neighbourly (and probably kinder to you and DH). But rearranging your routine at the drop of a hat and at your DS and DH’s expense just so someone you barely know can get a free jolly is nuts.

Good grief!

I would be mortified if any hosts I was staying with were making their kids miserable and quietly nibbling biscuits with no coffee in the mornings to avoid disturbing me !

And if I was your DH I would say no. No more than one visit a year. And if they want long drawn out dinners in peace they can fuck off to restaurant.

How are you ‘people pleasing’ to your poor DH and kids??

As mentor you need to model decent but polite boundaries.

Thank you all for your answers.
Living in a popular area, we have had many guests over the years, and have never had similar problems. But thinking of it, the other guests generally were friends with children, or relatives. They tend to stay 1-2 nights at most, and fit in with our schedule without being asked.
I agree with the poster saying that I am projecting too much, after all they never outright asked that I take DC away. I should just ignore the looks.
Its also a good idea to not tell them that we are away for one of the weekends. They would probably ask that I leave them key, as someone said.
As to why I agreed to the BF visits, she caught me off guard in a phonecall. Had she asked by text, I think I would have much more likely to firmly tell her no. For this summer, I will let them stay, but then never again. The next visit is on a weekend where DH is at PILs with DC (this was planned long ago), so will probably be easier. The 4 day visit, we will see how they like it with all normal child noises and being woken early.
For those asking, no they didn’t give us any gift, but thanked us and said they very much enyoied the weekend.

So you're still happy to be taken for a mug

Cancel all the next visits! You don't have to honour their plans, they've made those, NOT YOU!!!
You are an absolute walk over, but if you're happy with that, crack on! So, you do exactly what you want OP, just don't come on here making AIBU posts when you clearly don't take anything anyone has said on board!
Honestly, I give up! 🙄

They invited themselves to save money - they pay the price in other ways. It’s your DC’s home. They get to live as normal.

Seriously, just send a message.

“Really sorry X but the 4 days you have asked to stay at my home just won’t be feasible anymore. We’re taking a break from hosting guests at ours. I hope you can understand.”

@StressedHost
Is this what you want to happen?

@StressedHost
And yes, I am a people pleaser, probably because I am an introvert and quite socially awkward, so I tend to go OTT to be nice to others.
As for how I agreed to the visits, it was sort of a situation where you give your finger and they take your hand. I quite like the colleague, but I had never spent time with her outside of work before. She is a lot younger than me (mid 20s vs early 40s). We had/have a kind of mentee/mentor relationship, where we talk about her career development etc. Over the summer, she has to travel a few times to our city for work, but instead of going back home on Friday, she asked if she could stay at my place for the weekend to do some touristy things. I agreed, thinking that it was just her for one weekend. Then the day before her arrival, she announced that btw, her boyfriend was joining her and surely that was ok? And btw, the boyfriend has some time off at the end of the month, surely it would be ok for them to stay for 4 nights? I tried to say that maybe it would not be very relaxing for them with our DC waking early, that we would not have time to do sightseeing with them and that it was not very convenient. My colleague said that this is all not a problem, they are morning people themselves, they like children and would do sightseeing on their own. Implying that I was a bit "unflexible" and "precious" if I didn't agree. After which I just didn't know what to say.

You could have easily declined at any point, I actually think you need to take a lot more responsibility for this than you are. You are resenting her and her boyfriend staying but you keep letting them stay. Either let them stay and be happy about it or decline. It’s up to you.

All this fuss and unpleasantness has been caused by you trying to be nice. It’s crazy.

Jog on, they're not even invited and you're putting them up for free so they get a free holiday then asking your child to be quiet until 10am!! In a small flat. Madness.
I can see 6.30 am being ott, maybe have some quiet iPad time or tv till 7.30am, but after that it's fair game for sure.
I often send my children down to guests rooms in the morning to give me a break, it's normally people who love them and they're excited to see each other. I always say "dc will be up from 8.30am, they'll pop in and say good morning" then I take a tea to bed. So I'm the opposite of you and I actively inflict my children on them to give me some quiet!

You must be off your head. Why on earth did you agree to this in the first place and why are you allowing them to disrupt your life? This is your child’s home, so no, they should not be made to be quiet or eat cookies all morning!! If your house guests want to stay asleep until 10am then they’re need to book a hotel, they are massively taking the piss. I’ve heard it all now 🤦🏻‍♀️