Childless houseguests-AIBU to keep my child quiet and out of the way?

[StressedHost]

If you have houseguests without children, that like to have sleep-ins and a quiet house, long meals etc., do you minimize all disruption caused by you child (ren) and adapt your schedule to those of the guests? Or do you go on with your life as usual?
I don't know what is the right thing to do and had a fight with DH over it. Essentially, I think it is basic kindness towards the guests to not disturb their sleep and quiet, and I'm aware that children of other people can be quite annoying, especially if you are childless and not used to the noise levels etc. DH thinks we owe them nothing, since they invited themselves and were aware that they were going to stay in a household with a young child.

For context, the guests are neither friends nor family. It is a former colleague that I know quite well, but am not particularly friends with, and her boyfriend, whom we had never met before he came to stay at our house. They sort of invited themselves for a few long weekends over the summer, because we live in a quite touristy, but expensive city. They are here to do sightseeing/going to events in our city, not to spend time with us. They stay for free obviously, but buy some of their groceries (special things they need due to intolerances).

We have a spare room/office, but our flat is quite small. And unfortunately the spare room is right beside the kitchen/living area, so they could certainly hear us getting up at the crack of dawn with our DC. DC is a typical 6YO, not particularly badly behaved, but will talk loudly, jump or run. DC is also awake latest at 6:30 am.
We have the first weekend behind us, and it was stressful. Especially keeping DC quiet from 6 am until 10 am (when the guests finally decided to get up) was hard. I tried to play as quietly as possible with DC in their room while feeding them only cookies for breakfast, to avoid noise in the kitchen (had no coffee myself as well until 10 am, because of our noisy coffee maker).
The guests are otherwise quite nice people-clean, tidy and did not complain about DC or the noise so far.

YANBU=Yes, it is basic kindness to keep your DC quiet. You agreed to the visits, so you have to do your best to keep the guests comfortable.

YABU=They invited themselves and were aware of the DC before coming, go on with your life as normal.

We will not agree to further visits by this couple (beyond the ones that are already planned), and probably stick with inviting only close friends or family until DC is older. So it is a lesson learned.

They should be aware of their obligations as (uninvited) guests. Their sense of entitlement is off the scale. I'm sure you were a lovely and supportive manager when you worked together but you are just letting them walk all over you if you don't cancel the future visits. Put your child and husband first.

This, this, this!!!

I can't get over the cheek of them looking at you expectantly when your child is disturbing their dinner!!

For a guest who wasn't cheeky, it might be reasonable to keep your child quiet until 7am. But apart from that, no. It's your child's HOME ffs! He should be able to play and enjoy himself and move about freely in his own home.

They are CFs. You literally told them it wasn’t convenient and they still didn’t care. One is a complete stranger which is very risky.

Please don’t struggle through the next visit/s. Cancel all further stays; if not for yourself, do it for your DC who should not have to tiptoe around their own home. You need to tell them it doesn’t work for you. Don’t start explaining why. They won’t accept any reason you give anyway. As before, any reasons will be treated as merely problems to help you solve. Like telling them your son wakes early, “oh I’m a morning person” problem solved so now you feel unreasonable not letting them stay. Just tell them it doesn’t work for you. When they ask why, just repeat. “…because it doesn’t work for us” that’s all they need to know. No details, no further explanation. You don’t owe them anything.

Your poor husband. I would not put up with my partner doing this. How disrespectful to your husband and to your child. Wow.

Good lord... grow a back bone.
No I don't ask my child/ren to behave differently in their own home for any guest. Never mind a CF cocklodger who I don't even consider a friend.

Tell them that you had a change of plans and wish them well but you can't accommodate them again and move on.

Life's too short

Yabu. I wouldn't make my child be out the way in her own home for anyone. If they are upset they can go elsewhere. But honestly OP if shes a former college and not one you are mates with why on earth are you allowing her and her boyfriend to stay in your home? There is such word as no, in fact if a former college who wasn't a mate told me they was coming to stay in my home, free of charge and with me doing everything and paying for them to live in my home I'd laugh and not let them through the door not even for a cup of tea.

Childless houseguests you didn't actually invite.

The work colleague was bad enough inviting herself, and then inviting her boyfriend without your permission, and then repeatedly inviting herself and her boyfriend to stay at your place. But the fact you are arguing with your husband and tying yourself up in knots trying to hush your children so as not to disturb these shameless freeloaders is really something.

It is absolutely mental to me that you allowed the boyfriend you had never met before stay overnight in your house where your young ch old lives. Aside from the annoyance factor, this guy could have been violent, a paedophile, a druggie…. Anything! And you just allowed it because his train ticket was already bought. The mind boggles

If I have actually invited someone I'd have kept my DC playing quietly in the morning until the guest woke up or 9am whichever came first, but that's about it. But at mealtimes? Not unless they were screaming, banging utensils, and throwing food but that wouldn't be acceptable behaviour at any time.

But someone who actually invited themselves? Nah. Let chaos reign. Hopefully they won't invite themselves back.

OP you sound far too nice but that is a BAD thing!

You need to stand up for your child’s comfort and your family for goodness sake. Stop being so weak and a pushover!

Your child is being made uncomfortable in their OWN home, by these people who have barged into your space!

Tell them it’s not working and they will have to stay elsewhere. They are so rude. They can pay for a hotel, not your problem.

This is really unfair on your child and husband. I’m sorry, please grow a backbone for the sake of your child.

And why isn’t this junior colleague worried about keeping in your good books??

Why are you unilaterally worried about upsetting her???

I wouldn’t even dream of having a former colleague and her partner to stay in my house, YABU to do that in the first place, let alone have it dictating your daily life.

You stay somewhere that has kids living there, you deal with it. My neighbours kids wake me fairly often. Not their fault. I am in my own home too, but I dont complain because what are they supposed to do? I think you need to relax and just get on with business as usual.

I read a story about a woman who lived in a pretty seaside town, and had this problem. When a "friend" phoned and said she wanted to visit, she told them ,truthfully, that she'd moved to an industrial town in the Midlands. Suddenly the visit wasn't forthcoming.

Please cancel any future planned visits eg
Dear Mary

I’m just texting you to let you know we won’t be able to accommodate you next time you are in the area. Stephen and I have discussed it as Max is up early and it is a bustling small flat and we find it too much having people other than close family to stay. I would however be happy to meet you for a coffee or take Max to the park and go for a walk (so he can run off stream). Hope you appreciate this. Thanks Jane.

This is something I have had to remind myself of a few times when being presented with CF erness. It isn’t just my home and how would my children and husband feel. Without even asking them I can’t have a pretty good idea!

Can!

Carry on with life as normal! Why make your children stay quiet for half the day when they basically invited themselves? It's their home! If they don't like it tell them to find a hotel & stop being a people pleaser

I think you've got your answer basically; the internet has spoken

Am I reading this right? This is your house! Your child’s home!!! Your child, or you shouldn’t have to tip toe around anyone. They certainly wouldn’t be inviting themselves to stay with me for free if I were in that situation!! And I certainly wouldn’t be pussyfooting around them either!
My house, my rules. Pay to stay and keep quiet or leave. Simple as that! Next time id tell them they couldn’t stay as the spare room is now a play room for your child!!

I don’t know what I’m more shocked about the fact that your not really friends with one of them and had never met the BF
they invited themselves to stay
or your trying to keep your child quiet in his own home and to top it off it sounds like you haven’t got a great deal of space to start with.
You absolutely do not keep your child quiet in his own home
Theres no chance I would be waiting 4 hours for my first cuppa of the day or feeding my child cookies for breakfast so you don’t disturb the CFs who have invited themselves to stay I’m with DH on this one you carry on your daily routine as usual if they don’t like it they are more than welcome to pay to stay elsewhere.

Make as much noise as you can and with any luck they’ll find an excuse not to come for the second stay.

You barely know the colleague outside of work and don’t know the boyfriend… yet they can stay with your child? Surely from a safety point of view this is crazy? I think you need a backbone on what’s acceptable for your child. It’s their home and their safe space. They deserve better than made to be quiet and cookies for breakfast for crying out loud! The colleague can pay for a hotel next time. They’ve invited themselves because you’re a pushover. Sorry it sounds harsh but your kid comes first.

I would probably try not to make a lot of noise at 6am, but i would definitely have a coffee and feed the child. From 8 am I would definitely start making the normal household noises and get on with the day . That way you're being mindful of early hours and guests but it's your house, they knew you have a child and I'm sure they didn't have quiet time expectations. Just get on with your day

No chance would I be doing without coffee for hours & giving my kid cookies for breakfast so as not to disturb uninvited guests- if they value peace/lie ins that much they should have been less tight fisted & paid for a hotel! 🤨