Do you let your little boy wear dresses?

[FanofLeaves]

DS3 is a big fan of Frozen. I’m not a ‘Disney adult’ or anything like that, my first time seeing the film was at the age of 39. He loves the songs from it too and belts them out at any opportunity. His two best friends at nursery are girls and they have frozen dresses to prance about in so he asked me to get him one too so he could join in. He’s now the proud owner of the sparkly purple number that Elsa wears at the start of Frozen 2.

He’s not content just wearing it at nursery and has been wearing it at a family gathering over the weekend and singing his songs. His girl cousin had a couple of other princess dresses at her house and they had a wonderful time dancing and singing all over the garden in various frocks.

The problem is DH, he wasn’t with us but saw the pictures on the family group chat and has asked me to ‘dial down the dress thing’ as he says it’s just not something I should be indulging or encouraging. FWIW this is completely led by DS who also loves dinosaurs and cars and what not and I know him dressing like Elsa doesn’t mean he wants to be a girl or any of that nonsense. I doubt it’s a lasting phase but one he seems to be really enjoying. He did asks me if he’d ‘grow into a girl’ and of course I said no, because you are a boy.

So my question is, do you or would you allow your little boy to dress or pretend to be a princess? I can’t put my finger on what DH’s problem is with it (and he can’t seem to eloquently put it into words either, just that he doesn’t like it) or if I should take his feelings into account and, as he said, ‘dial it back’. While I don’t actively encourage I don’t deny anything either, when he asks to wear the dress I just put it on him.

Loads of little boys have dressing-up costumes. Girls just do have better costumes than boys at that age, so all the boys aged 2-3ish at nursery like to put the princess dresses on too.

My DS is into rainbow unicorns, because who wouldn't be, and prefers leggings and colourful tops. I pretty much let him wear what he likes, but I guess I do draw a line somewhere because I don't buy him dresses for everyday wear, and I have also steered him away from pink sparkly trainers. I do let him get leggings and t-shirts from either the girls' or the boys' section of the shop though (while trying to encourage him to get the 'boy' leggings as the ones for girls are so flimsy).

Your DS likes the dress because it's sparkly and pretty and his friends/cousins have them. He may always like pretty sparkly things or he may not, and both of those outcomes are fine.

Your DH has some outdated ideas about what masculinity is and gendered expectations for children's play. I would just say next time, "I'm going to let DS play with what he wants to play with. Our job is to offer him the opportunity to play in lots of different ways. And dressing up and role play is excellent for building his imagination and social skills." (I'm going to guess he'd have no issues with DS dressing as Fireman Sam, for example).

I'm quite sad now that peer pressure has started with my DS and he'll be excited about sparkly fairy wings and then a friend will say "boys don't do that" and suddenly he doesn't want to.

This is a super common phase for little boys to go through, when they're just exploring dress up. When my DS went through this phase I leaned into it, got him a rainbow sparkly princess dress, and let him wear it. I've always been really clear with him that he can dress up in dresses but that doesn't change who he is on the inside, he's still himself.
He wore it to his friend's birthday party (a princess party) and it was fine.
A week later, he wore it to school for non-uniform day (he was in reception) and the kids in year 2 were horrible to him. He came home, took the dress off, told me what had happened and never wore it again.
I maybe shouldn't have let him wear it to school but I thought he'd be fine after the birthday party. Anyway he's now almost 6 and wants to be a penguin so now it's 24/7 Penguin Town in this house instead. 🐧 ETA and we've had a conversation about how he can't really be a penguin, but that it's lots of fun pretending to be one.

yep. Perfectly normal and part of exploring and imagination.

Would they say the same if its was your DD dressing up as Batman or Optimus Prime?

As much as you have to encourage role play and fun you also have to protect your child as far as possible from cruel kids. A boy wearing a dress to a princess party is vastly different from a boy wearing a dress to non uniform day

I did, yes. DS was Elsa-obsessed for a few years (his fourth birthday party was Frozen themed) and wore his Elsa dress non-stop. He also loved putting make-up on, high heels (mine or his grandmothers’), big jewellery etc. For a while he collected sparkly things and had boxes full of costume jewellery, gems etc.

He’s almost 15 now and dresses in a stereotypically masculine way and looks like the vast majority of teenage boys. Tbh I miss his toddler flamboyance! It’s a perfectly normal phase for all children to go through, and please tell your DH to get over his outdated concepts of boys’ toys and girls’ toys. Toys and costumes don’t have a gender.

At 2 and 3 my Gds enjoyed dressing up in ‘princess’ dresses, when his slightly older sister was doing the same. Not sure he ever went out in them, though, my SiL would not have been impressed. At the same time he was mad keen on dinosaurs, toy cars, etc.

Within a couple of years, though, he’d have been horrified at any such thing, and at nearly 9 he’s very much a stereotypical boy.

I maybe shouldn't have let him wear it to school but I thought he'd be fine after the birthday party.

FWIW it was a village school that only went up to Y2 so it seemed "safe" at the time given that about 1/2 of the school had been at the aforementioned birthday party.

There is nothing wrong with dressing up in anything fancy dress.

This wouldn’t bother me at all OP. My 4 year old boy has asked for a mermaid dress for Christmas cos he saw His friend with one and he loved it. Also asked me to paint his nails because another friend had hers done, it’s all just experimenting and play, he’s also skewed for a baby doll for Christmas.

I have no issue with these things, I see no benefit in disallowing a huge selection of toys and play ideas based on gender stereotypes, and if I’m honest I think it could probably do a lot of good to encourage little boys to indulge their more traditionally feminine sides, I believe it makes for more rounded adults.

that said, his dad (my ex) would have absolutely none of it, and would actively discourage it and think it’s “wrong”…big part of why he’s an ex in my case.

Like The previous poster, FS wore a lot of sparkles, seriously skirts and dresses and fairy stuff when he was a toddler/young child. He's now 15 and will occasionally borrow his sister's more gender-neutral clothes but dresses in a conventionally masculine way.

No

My little boy loved dressing up - he was obsessed with Frozen. He often wore his sister’s dressing up outfits and also liked sparkly eyeshadow and nail varnish. The colour pink, unicorns and rainbows were also favourites.

He’s 9 now and can’t get him to wear anything other than a football strip.

In an ideal world there would be no clothing or interests tied to your sex. Unfortunately we are some way from achieving that state, and the recent thinking about 'gender' that links clothing choices and behaviour to being man/boy or wonan/girl, has taken us back several steps.
So the reality is, if a child wears clothes that are strongly associated with the opposite sex, there will be negative attention.
As a parent you have to navigate that in the way best for your child and this may change depending on their age and the context. A three year old boy in a frozen dress is probably too young for the negativity to impact them. At five, at school, they may be bullied and teased.
I think breaking down sex based stereotypes is important, but I'm never convinced that we should send in young children to the front line of battle for the cause. Our priority is to protect, and sometimes this involves being realistic about the world they actually have to live in, while we the adults work to change it.

a question without any opinion - are the dressing-up outfits considered costumes and only/mostly used during playtime?

Is there a sense that eg for a family meal out, we wear ‘nice’ clothes? Or is DH thinking specifically boys don’t wear girls clothes and if DS was dressed as a fireman/dinosaur/ transformer that’d be ok?

I have four boys and DS3 was the one of the four who loved singing all the songs from Frozen. I didn't have any costumes for him to wear but he enjoyed singing along and watching and rewatching the films. It was a phase. Its all Pokemon and video games now he's almost 10.

I'm not a parent but my brother wore a tutu pretty much every day from age 4 to 5. What would be wrong with that? He has three sisters so I guess was just following our lead.

If it helps your DH get on board, DB is now a happily married dad of two. Wearing a skirt did not 'turn him gay'. My nephew is actually gay and has never worn any form of girl clothing. Both amazing men as I'm sure your son will be!

Exactly. It's a passing phase.

DH's problem is sexism. It's just dressing up, that's it.

Would you stop a girl from putting on a Spider-Man costume? No you wouldn’t so it works both ways.

It’s a costume and he enjoys the film it doesn’t need to be made a big deal.

Why do we see it as such an issue for boys to idolise or appreciate female characters?

Clothing is literally just material we put on our bodies to cover it that is cut in different ways and made in different colours. It shouldn’t be made in certain ways for different genders.

DS is nearly 21. When he was about 3 he went through a phase of going everywhere dressed in his sisters Mrs Claus outfit - (he didn't like the santa one he had) with loads of sparkly claps in his hair pushing a pink dolls pram. My
MIL hated it basically accused me of abuse but he grew out of it and is now a 6ft 4 rugby player type which a manual job, girlfriend and lives in joggies and hoodies and do you know what even if he wasn't who cares as long as they are happy

more the latter. If anything my side of the family is probably more ‘formal’ than DH’s in terms of dinner expectations etc but this was just a casual bbq where the kids could do as they pleased. His comment was that o was now going ‘too far’ when the dress was originally just for DS to join in with the dressing up at nursery.

Appreciate all the opinions thank you. Really good point about finding the balance between letting DS have as much fun as he likes with it but still being aware that ultimately you want to protect your child from negative attitudes etc. because if DS asks ‘why’ when I say no to him wearing the dress around Morrisons or on the train into London it’s not an easy question to answer for a three year old who is still so innocent of the world.

yeah I did do. DS2 loved dresses. Both at home and at nursery and play groups. If he'd wanted to wear them at parties, that would have been fine too. H didnt like it at first, but learned to live with it. I made him a mermaid tail he wore in the bath as well. (DS2 not H!)
He is now nearly 16 and only wears one pair of jeans + band t-shirts. I kind of miss his flamboyance!

Of course you should allow him to wear a dress - he has no concept of dresses being 'for girls', he just likes the dress. Stopping him from wearing thing he likes of giving him the message that there is something wrong with him for wanting to wear a dress will be far more damaging than a passing phase for wearing a princess dress.

In the house or friends or relatives house absolutely in public no and only dress up dresses i wouldn't buy my son a dress