To ignore my over friendly neighbour?

[ggratis]

I live on a new build estate with my DP & baby. The couple opposite moved in shortly after we did, they’re a couple with a young child. We were pleasant with them, as we are with all of our neighbours and would exchange small talk if we saw them outside. We have a neighbours group chat on WhatsApp where we ask about parcels or parking etc.

When I was pregnant, our neighbour started messaging me frequently to check in which I thought was nice originally. They kept inviting us over for dinner and a ‘Mario party’ & hinting at us hosting them. We eventually accepted and went round. As nice as they seemed, I don’t think any of us had much in common & it was a bit awkward.

The husband is nice enough but the wife is quite pushy, she started messaging me about arranging a coffee date but wouldn’t take no for an answer, o was making a lot of excuses but I felt bad turning her down. DP told me to just join her for a coffee she might be lonely and it may be okay. Ended up going round at 39 weeks pregnant where she dumped a load of her clothes on me, she asked if id like some baby girls clothes then offloaded me with a bag of boys clothes aged 11-12 and tried to give me a load of her old clothes too.

Since then, she’d been messaging me everyday, triple & quadruple texting me. Asked me 7 times how I was planning to deliver the baby (c section or induction etc), whenever I would leave the house, she’d message immediately asking if I was ‘on my way to hospital’ or ‘is the baby coming’, & everyday had a message counting down the days to my due date (shouldn’t have told her I know).

As soon as the baby was born, it was “when can we meet the baby” repeatedly, and when I let them come round she overstayed her welcome to be honest. It was nearly 8pm and she started making comments about better get back as she had to cook dinner and next time they would come for dinner. Then for the next 3 months it was messages asking to meet for coffee, go to the park or for a walk. I gave in again because it was relentless, she came round for a coffee and stayed for 6 hours. In the end I offered her a glass of wine as I was pouring one, then she started asking ‘how could you drink whilst you’re breastfeeding, I would never’.

Often when I leave the house, she will message to tell me I look beautiful. She found my Facebook and added me, she then messaged me to tell me my pictures were beautiful. If I’m outside, she sees me from the window and messages to ask if I’m texting?? Often messages me to tell me her child misses me and wants to see me. Messages me good morning, what are my plans & sends me photos of her and her child etc.

Shes asked me to join her for her birthday to go to a restaurant, it will be just me and her. I’ve ignored her but she keeps messaging me. I can’t make an excuse as she will see I am home. I don’t want to make it awkward but she’s really not getting the hint, I ignore her messages probably 80% of the time. I now realise I shouldn’t have started being over friendly in the first place. I thought it may be a cultural difference as she’s not originally from the UK and thought she may be lonely. She does have a part time job and I’ve seen her with a couple of friends though.

Expecting to be flamed but what can I do?

Get some net curtains immediately! 👍🏾

Fucking weird neighbour.

“No thank you, I can’t meet for coffee/drinks/dinner”.

Copy and paste repeatedly. It’s not your problem if she’s lonely. You don’t have to befriend an annoying, intrusive and rude person just because theyre pursuing a friendship with you. You’re free to decline their invites.

Ridiculous

Jeez @ggratis that sounds way too intense! I do think sadly that you are going to have to start being much blunter and just reply no to requests

I had someone in my life like this. She was never a friend, just some one I saw weekly at slimming world. She drove me nuts. Hinting didn’t work. She messaged me several times a day.. I had to fall out with her in the end as she just wasn’t getting the message and crossed too many boundaries. Be firm. Good luck OP

Move house x

I had a similar neighbor, she was bloody annoying. I decided to ignore her completely, and now we are at no speaking terms lol, not what I would have wanted, but she has no social cues awareness, so I prefer it this way, and then I lived happy .....

how did you manage to get rid of her? Just ignoring completely and she got the message? How did you end up on no speaking terms entirely?

To be honest I wouldn’t mind having a coffee with her every now and then, I can’t imagine being in a country with no family nearby and little support network. It’s the intensity of it, I’ve got 7 unread Instagram videos from her and plenty more on Facebook. An hour coffee every few weeks wouldn’t be a problem but I don’t think I can dedicate time to weekly meetings & catch up messages constantly inbetween!

Valid 😭 x

Any tips on falling out with her lol

I know blinds are the modern way - but I do like a good net curtain! They’re v much overdue for a comeback lol.

I’ve not long moved somewhere with them and I’m such an eejit, I thought I couldn’t be seen through blinds when they’re open but not fully apart and I was watching the postie get out her van as knew she had a parcel and to my horror she started waving at me from across the street! 😱 Now that would never have happened with a net curtain 😅

Block her on Facebook. When she asks act innocent and tell her it’s a glitch that you understand has happened to many people. Block her on email, text & WhatsApp and play innocent again

If it persists tell her straight and hopefully she’ll leave you the fuck alone. Well, you can but hope 🙏🏻

You’ve made me feel very seen haha. My DM & DSis keep telling me to stop being mean & go out with her. I dislike when people feel entitled to your time, especially when you’re not working or on leave.

My blinds are roller blinds too, I wish I’d gone for the Venetian style now. I think I’m going to order some of that film that you stick to the window but not sure how well that works either.

I love the look of the very thin linen/hotel style net curtains.

If you want to soften your rejection a bit, be polite but blunt. Something like, ‘I’ve really enjoyed your friendship so far, (name), but I’ve not got much social time these days what with the baby and other family commitments. I know you mean well but I’m not in a position to accept your invitations at the moment. I hope you understand.’ If she replies offering help just say, ‘As I said, I know you mean well but honestly I just need some space. Thanks’

At work we have the mirrored sticky window screens, where we can see out but others can't see in - just see your own reflection, even when you're very close. They are really good, but your neighbour may know you have them and could cause further problems? My next door neighbour has a similar thing, but from the outside it just looks dark, rather than having a reflective mirror appearance. If you're right up close to the window then you can see in, but the actual screen itself is much less noticeable at a distance - may be better for you if your neighbour is looking from across the road?

Really feel for you being in this situation! 😭

You’re going to have to move house 😅

I had to just ignore her.

If I were you I would probably change number, and get a cheap phone. That way she messages the number, but you only see it when you want on our terms

Never get close with neighbours

The film works fabulously, but if you put a light on in the evening, people outside can see in. Daytime it’s great, and sounds the ideal solution for you.

Urgh god no. Your first mistake was accepting their first invite. Which you probably know. I don’t understand these people that want to be best friends and living in the pockets of their neighbours. Frankly weird and no boundaries. I get on with my neighbours, polite, small talk but that’s it. I don’t do parcels, specifically ask they aren’t taking in by any neighbours. Her being lonely is not your problem. She’s an adult and can deal with it. Ignore as it’ll only get worse.

So just tell her this. She isn’t entitled to your time/insights into your life.

Why don't you say, ' sorry I can't do dinner, but my mum and sister would love to. ' 😂

She sounds like a right pain to be honest, and the level of interaction could be seen as stalking or harassment. Even if she is lonely, that’s not your problem to solve. Your priority is your baby, not her.

Maybe you need to be proactive. Agree to coffee on your terms. Say you’ll meet her at Costa on July 20th (or whenever). And then after that date, agree one a month later. Ignore her messages or just respond once a day with, see you in 20th, and ignore the rest.

If she messages more, maybe you just need to be tough and say you don’t want to revive the constant messages, please can she stop, etc.

Obviously you’re not her first victim if someone else has already told her to stop messaging them.

No flaming here. You’ve been perfectly reasonable and friendly. She sounds too OTT and irritating.

Have you considered the possibility it could actually be your DP she fancies?

Getting close to you first could be her way of trying to get close to him, it sounds mad but I've known this to happen!