To dislike the term ‘maiden name’?

[BangersAndGnash]

It is so sexist.

It comes from a time when ‘maiden hood’ , being a virgin, defined a woman pre marriage, when she was given the name of the man who was entitled to that virginity.

There is no common male equivalent, ‘maiden name’ , oh, the name women have before they take their ‘real’ name, their married name.

Can we use ‘birth name’ and rid our names and status from this idea of being a ‘maiden’?

We can move with the times, few people say ‘Christian name’ any more.

I call my husbands birth name his maiden name, since theres no male equivalent for a man who took his wife's name.

Or Mistress - I’m nobody’s mistress!

A lot of forms have ‘previous surnames’ on them now.

I hope that one day soon women will stop taking their husband’s name.

Even algorithms are programmed with internalised sexism in mind. On this point, United Airlines pulled a beaut. I booked tickets for DH, DC and me: I as passenger 1 under Dr Firstname Myname, DH as passenger 2, Mr HisFirstname Hisname, and passenger 3 was DC: Master Myname-Hisname. All booked using my credit card bearing my exact name. Imagine my surprise when I logged on and discovered I had been downgraded to Pax 2 whereas Mr, superceding Dr, achieved elevated status as Pax 1. How I laughed - you can't not - but it's less funny that casual everyday sexism is embedded within every system. This is one of the best I've encountered yet!

I've also had odd, intrusive comments made as to why my marital status was listed as married on the system yet my title wasn't 'Mrs'. I responded that this was a superficial transaction not requiring any form of detailed analysis, and could they please leave the title of 'Ms' as it currently appeared. (If most computer systems worked without a title I wouldn't use one at all, but that's very rare).

Nowadays I use 'Dr' by default because I have no intention of potentially indulging in this irritating precursor to any simple business transaction. I've also discovered that if I'm not sitting in front of someone, and sign myself Dr Initial Myname, I tend to receive a more favourable response. Go figure.

I see your point and YAnBU, but how often is this even a thing in your life? Maybe once every 10 years if you fill out a form?

Absolutely!

How often do you actually get asked (not asked to write on a form) your title?

Surely most people just give their actual names rather than Mrs/Ms/Miss Whatever.

Never gave it any thought to be honest.

Never gave it any thought to be honest.

I say “birth name,” but “maiden name” doesn’t offend me. It just sounds a little odd to me, because neither my mother nor I changed our names when we got married and we’re definitely not maidens!

I have no issue with the term ‘maiden name’, I also have no issue with being addressed as Mrs. I really love being Mrs tbh. I get that others don’t and that’s their prerogative. There are many ways to refer to yourself, we don’t have to make everyone else agree with us though.

Doesn’t maiden just mean first? As in, maiden voyage is a ship’s first voyage, and maiden name is your first surname? Call it what you want, though, no one really cares

I've used the term 'birth name' for about 15 years now, having come to hate the term 'maiden' when I had to repeat it endlessly during problems reverting after my marriage ended. I was going to say that the word is in the same category as spinster, both old terms designating a woman's unmarried status, when it should be of no importance at all.

Bachelor is about the only term used for men that indicates their marital status, but, surprise surprise, the connotations are completely different. Bachelors are young, free and cool, whereas spinsters are old, single and frumpy.

The term 'maiden aunt' doesn't conjure up an image of a nubile 17-year-old who's older sibling has just had a baby, but again, a single old woman.

It's long past time expressions like these were consigned to history, and if the chap who felt ships, speeches and overs need a special word to indicate it's the first of something, then what's wrong with just saying first?

There is indeed. I don't know why the people who get arsey about the use of Ms do so, what they want to do with the knowledge of a Ms's marital status that's being denied to them. But it's very much a thing that happens.

'Maiden' is a synonym of 'virgin'. Female virgin at that, whereas there is no comparable term in the English language to denote a male virgin.

This is why people rightly object to it. The idea that women's family names denote their sexual status in a way men's do not is sexist and offensive.

Mmm I think of bachelor as someone who isn’t married. Not cool or a geek. Just not married. In fact if I was pushed I’d think of a bachelor as someone still living with his Mother aka like Timothy out of Sorry. Hardly cool.

I hear you and your point.
However, there are a lot of personal issues. I took my husband's surname to "block" my father's, or parents' surname in another country. I hated their guts (they were abusive). Only married to make my own life better.

Couldn't agree more.

Of course it's sexist. The expectation that women should change their names upon marriage is sexist. If everyone stopped doing it, there would be no "maiden names".

Not knowing his identity until I was much older didn't help (she outright lied about his name to send me off on wild goose chases and it was only in recent years I've been able to find it with any certainty - from his death certificate - had she told me the truth for once I would have at least been able to make contact before he died, whether he responded or not).

And like tattoos, I think you shouldn't get yourself a new name if you aren't 100% sure it's the right one for you, so I didn't want to change when still angry about it.

But DP's name? No such problems, no baggage, he's been the best, kindest, smartest, funniest and outright amazing person I've ever met, so I will happily take it when we finally get around to it.

You can just change your name though, a woman still doesn't have to take her husband's name.

Many years ago I had a spinal surgery and because it was my first it was referred to, by medics, as a ‘virgin spine’. 🤣

In recent years I’ve mostly seen, Previous Surname/s requested on forms and estate agents tend to use the phrase Principle Bedroom. So I think your examples are a bit out of date tbh.

I've been married so long that I've had my husband's name longer than I had my maiden name. It's much more interesting than my rather dull maiden name and I consider it as much mine as his now. It's a key part of who I am and I like that he and I have the same name.

Each to their own I suppose.

Not as often as previously, but it does happen when someone is taking down my details (though that makes it sound like I regularly get arrested, which I swear is not the case 😂)

Blimey, I think permanent anger would be a totally reasonable response to that situation!