For those who were beautiful, how do you deal with age?

[pinkglitter12]

It happens to all of us I know. But how are some people so accepting and so graceful getting older?
Each time i look in the mirror something is lower than It was before.
This time its my my eyebrows. I waxed the ends so they no longer drag down my face but how do people fight this unbeatable battle and inevitable death?
How do people accept that they are no longer beautiful?

I find that the older I get, the less I care about all that

I was moaning to my husband about my ageing (never very pretty) appearance and he looked at me, genuinely puzzled, and said "But I love your little face". And that, to me, is what makes it OK.

There are 2 options:
1- get old
2- die before you get old.

For me no 1 is the least worst option.

Age absolutely does not = ugly OP!!

My mum has been a hairdresser her entire life, and I used to spend many a school holiday going to work with her. I remember a regular salon client who’d come twice a week to have her hair done. She must have been in her mid-70’s at the time, and I remember thinking she was so beautiful - she looked like a queen in my child mind.
She was always dressed very well, not particularly fancy, but just very well fitting and classy. Her hair was down to her mid-back, and the most amazingly shiny, silver-grey, and she’d come to the salon to have it washed at put up in a really elegant chignon.

I guess looking back through adult eyes, it wasn’t necessarily anything about her physical appearance that struck me, but more the way she carried herself with such confidence.

This is why nature made everyone over the age of 45 presbyopic, so they basically can't see shit nearer than arms length away ;-)

A bit of botox here and there; regular skincare - moisturiser, retinol, etc; staying away from the sun to avoid sun damage.
Eating healthy, exercising - helps the mood and health in general, regular sex. Enjoying life - as much as possible. Not worrying about things I can't change.

Aging gracefully, in other words. At least - this is my definition of it.

But mostly - accepting that no matter what we do - it's all going one way.

For all - the young ones just don't quite realise it...

By continuing to look after myself and be gorgeous with the added confidence and maturity that age brings.

To grow old gracefully, without boxtox/fillers. That's real beauty.

This. This. This. ❤️

Wtf is beauty anyway.

I was always ‘beautiful’ (as deemed by others, never thought so myself) and after nearly dying several times and having to process my baby daughter losing her mother, I could not give an absolute fuck what I look like (with 4 stone plus weight gain from steroids).

Living with a life limiting illness makes you realise aging is the biggest gift you can ever get.

Seriously, work out what matters in life. And it sure as hell isn’t appearance.

Could you derive any comfort from appreciating how privileged you have been to be beautiful in the first place?

Don't put a value on beauty?

I know this is pretty impossible to ask - and I don't blame anyone who struggles with this. Society showers praise on to beautiful young girls, so of course they can't help but internalize some of that as their own self-worth. And then of course it feels like a significant loss when your beauty fades and the self-worth decreases.

Best thing is just to never let the superficial praise/kindness/affection that you get for being 'beautiful' impact your own definition of yourself.

If "you" is defined by your kindness, intelligence, bonds, friendships, family, successes, etc. etc. then being old doesn't hurt at all. In fact, being old tends to make all of those things better.

So reject the trick and the notion that your beauty = your worth. and build your self on much stronger foundations that will improve with time, and not diminish.

In terms of the joys of being beautiful, that is something just to chalk down to the past. You can only have one youth, you enjoyed it, don't grieve for it. We can't go back and be teenagers again, have first kisses, leave home, be young and free, so there is no point trying to go back. in stead just go forward to the good parts about being old. Nothing will make you more sad than being 'older' and trying to be young, because every time you try it will just highlight how not-young you are. Nothing will make you feel more old, than being surrounded by young people etc. Embrace the good parts about being older. You are likely wiser, calmer, richer, more capable, hopefully have a family/relationships/friendships/ambitions etc.

I was a conventionally beautiful young woman, although I don't realize it at the time. Now, at nearly 50, I think I have a different type of beauty. I take care of my skin, hair, and clothing, and carry myself with much more certainty than I did then. But I also work with a lot of young people (in higher education) and have a young child, and I see that youth does come with a particular beauty - the radiance of their skin, the tone of their bodies - that I no longer have. And I'm absolutely fine with that - I value both kinds of beauty, while recognizing that I will never again be able to have that "youth" beauty.
There are times when I realize that I am now invisible to most men. And that's a little strange (to realize, for example, that the trainer at the gym doesn't seem very interested in your training, because he seemingly presumes you are a dull old woman). But it doesn't bother me. It just makes me realize even more how often I was objectified as a young woman (which I hated), and how all those men who treated me in a particular way because of my looks (and would ignore me now) never really saw ME. (And that "me" was so much more than my looks, as a young woman AND now). (And I changed to a great female trainer, who really is interested in me and my fitness goals).
And yes, another one joining the chorus to say that aging is a privilege and so much better than the alternative.

I'm assuming it gets easier as you age. I'm now starting to notice things, but it is scary how suddenly everything starts to change and you realise that you are getting old. At the moment I'm sad because I can't deny it and stop it, but I'm assuming as I get older I'll move into acceptance phase. It's hard when you used to be attractive and suddenly you're not. I also realise I am now old, the age my parents and aunts were when I thought they were old. We are now the older generation.

It’s accepting that it’s a life stage. And of course you can still be beautiful at 35 plus but you only get that visceral sexual wow factor as a young woman. It’s cool to experience having it but life is easier without it. Men used to be really weird around me in my twenties dealing with the day to day now is easier.

I was told I was beautiful my whole life.
I was even a national beauty queen in the US an age ago.
I decided to be beautiful rather than to look beautiful.
So I was kind, thoughtful, decent - always to others.
I’d rather be remembered for my heart than my face.

And yes to the invisibility! I was standing next to dd2 (looks like a 90s supermodel and is 16) and her friend both dressed up to the nines. The young barista serving us literally couldn’t take his eyes off them and didn’t even see I was there. I had to say “err can I place an order too”. And I was paying for everyone obv! Bars used to go quiet when I walked in - not anymore !

I’ve always been ugly but I still have a hard time with aging. I can’t believe what I look like now, at least when I was younger my youth and good skin made me not as ugly. But now I’m hideous with scared skin and drooping eyes. It’s sad but I just try not to oook in the mirror if I can help it.

I think it's unfair how people dismiss beauty. First, it's rare. Second everyone judges appearances first. If you swapped beauty out with brains, some other talent or skill then people would say you had valid reasons to be sad.

I mean I was never beautiful but I got loads of attention from men and daily harassment in my 20’s. It’s an absolute blessing to have the freedom to move around in public without that. I look tidy and presentable and that to me, is infinitely better.

I always reference Jane Goodall on these threads. Now there is a beautiful woman.

Judi Dench is another.

A plastic surgeon discussing ageing with with me referred sadly to a well known celebrity. He said it was sad what she'd had done to her face because she could have been a beautiful older woman rather than somebody who looked a bit odd. (He prided himself on his natural looking results and simply refused to perform things that he didn't think gave a good result.) He revised a scar on my face from a botched skin cancer removal giving an almost invisible result. He made me wait a year for the scar to mature before he'd touch it.

Sometimes being beautiful when you’re young can be unwelcome. Getting older releases you from a lot of unwanted attention. You can feel braver to be yourself and not “limited” to what people expect of you from your looks.

It depends how you view beauty.
I still feel beautiful. I see other older beautiful women.

I have worked harder on being interesting and developing my personality. And realising that people like you for something other than how you look is a great feeling. That was the way forward for me.

OP, I once read somewhere that the experience of losing one's youthful looks with age can be likened to the grieving process in some people, particularly when it comes to mourning the loss of what was once valued. Both involve a range of emotions like sadness, anger, denial, and acceptance. But losing one's youthful looks is more isolating, as many won't accept it as something that's worth grieving over which, I think, is a kind of denial in and of itself.

Grief after a life event often involves a strong social support network, whereas grief over aging can sometimes feel isolating, as society doesn't acknowledge or validate this specific type of loss, and even shames it.

The best way to move forward is to treat it as you would grief, mourn, accept, and then redefine beauty (which many PP have referred to) at the stage of life you are at now.