Can't cope with my lunatic Mother any longer

[EnhancedVampireEyeballs]

She is rude, aggressive, and extremely cruel to me. I've tried to keep her happy for years and years now. She relentlessly mocks me, taunts me, laughs at me, belittles me. She gets all raging and screams at me. DH and I put so much effort into helping her out, but she's just so incredibly vicious to us.

Most recent involved her absolutely losing her shit, slapping me, screaming at me, stomping off in a giant tantrum.

Oh and she screamed at me that I'm an evil cunt, she hates me. Then about an hour later apologised and asked if I'd bring her grocery shopping tomorrow. Then screamed and threw things at me again, slammed so many doors. This isn't normal, is it? And its okay to walk away?

Treat her like a toddler. “No, mother, we both know that is not acceptable behaviour. I won’t be coming round again until you’ve shown me you can behave properly.”

Doesn’t sound like she adds to your life. I would have a big long break from her

Walk away - let her rot.

You do not deserve to be treated that way. This is absolutely not a normal way to behave. Walk away and as a PP said, speak to her like a small child. You will not interact until there is no violence and no verbal abuse.

Reminds me of my mother except she would never actually apologise, just snivel and grovel.

I have as little as possible to do with her.

Withdraw, OP. You will feel better for it.

Not normal behaviour from her at all and you would be entirely reasonable to just cut her off. You do not have to tolerate being treated or spoken to like that because she's your mother.

You would be unreasonable if you didn't walk away from the abusive bitch. Don't subject yourself to it any longer.

It can be really hard to make a break regardless of how a close family member treats you. This is unacceptable behaviour and I think you need to set your boundaries and firmly enforce them. That in itself will probably cause more of the same behaviour in the short term because she will not like you putting your foot down, but realistically if you don’t do this, what’s going to change?

I don’t know what her background is or what’s led her to act this way, so I’d probably keep it as level headed and non-judgemental as possible. Be the bigger person, tell her what lines she can’t cross and then get on with your life. If she can’t accept the new terms of your relationship then move on and leave her behind.

Stop allowing this to happen and cut contact. It can be done, many of us have been in your shoes and are now no contact. You get the behaviour you tolerate so stop allowing it.

It's absolutely fine to walk away from her forever, guilt-free, I promise. You owe her nothing. She's a violent narcissist and unsafe to be around.

Walk now, find your self respect. Absolutely no contact. You don’t deserve to be treated like that. She has messed with your head enough and is abusing you continuously. What an evil woman, she sounds not right in the head. Get away from her and do some self healing. Get counselling. Only then will you realise exactly what damage she has done to you .keep your husband and any children well away. Love yourself more.

Is that you, dc? Oh, phew I see you’re married and my dc aren’t.

And who the fk thinks this woman is being unreasonable?? Are you her mum??

I agree with everyone, @EnhancedVampireEyeballs - reduce contact as much as you can.

When she abuses you and then asks you to do something for her, just say NO, and hang up/leave.

"This isn't normal, is it? And its okay to walk away?"
Don't just walk away from her, RUN!

She sounds mentally ill. Or as though she has substance abuse issues.

Either way, her behaviour is not your fault or your responsibility to bear. If either of the above apply, you could be kind and involve SS. If she’s actually just a cunt, don’t bother.

She’s let you down, treated you badly and undermined you your whole life - the very opposite of what a loving parent is supposed to do for a child. You owe her absolutely nothing. As difficult as it may feel, distancing yourself is probably the healthiest and most empowering thing you can do.

As a pp said, treat her like a badly behaved child. Keep her and her tantrums at arm’s length. Be unavailable. Stop running around after her. Live your life without prioritising her - she’s certainly never done that for you x

You don’t have to be around her. You don’t.

Why exactly are you "trying to keep her happy"?

You should just. Go no contact. Block her and don’t entertain seeing or speaking to her ever again. This is what I’d do with anyone who slapped me

It is absolutely ok to walk away

I keep my mother at a distance and do very very little for her. Of course she has upped her neediness. Suddenly collapsing in shops, possibly becoming homeless, always illl

it’s not easy but you have to make the choice of the constant abuse towards you and pulling you down or the guilt you may possibly feel (that becomes easier over time)

I care very little and that’s ok too

This woman had assaulted you, of course you can walk away. You could also press charges. Look after yourself

No this isn't normal and it's absolutely ok to walk away. You don't deserve to be treated like this and it's very reasonable to say I've had enough and need to walk away for my own well-being. You don't owe her anything. Anyone who judges you negatively for it doesn't know the situation or what it's like to have an abusive parent. If I had a friend or family member in the same boat I'd feel relieved they'd got out of the situation and proud of the courage it took to walk away. I'm sorry you've been treated so badly.

@EnhancedVampireEyeballs walk out and block her number on your and your dh's phone!

Walk away. It will be hard, because she has trained you to jump to her every command. But for your own sake, walk away.

Exactly.