Can't cope with my lunatic Mother any longer

[EnhancedVampireEyeballs]

She is rude, aggressive, and extremely cruel to me. I've tried to keep her happy for years and years now. She relentlessly mocks me, taunts me, laughs at me, belittles me. She gets all raging and screams at me. DH and I put so much effort into helping her out, but she's just so incredibly vicious to us.

Most recent involved her absolutely losing her shit, slapping me, screaming at me, stomping off in a giant tantrum.

Oh and she screamed at me that I'm an evil cunt, she hates me. Then about an hour later apologised and asked if I'd bring her grocery shopping tomorrow. Then screamed and threw things at me again, slammed so many doors. This isn't normal, is it? And its okay to walk away?

Walk away op x

Why is she your problem? Cut the cord for your own health.

"I keep in touch and try to please her because if I didn't, my family would cut me out. My Dad and siblings openly admit that they have as little to do with her as possible, try to ignore her, and leave her for me to deal with."

Why in God's name would you want to keep in touch with this bunch of utter bastards? Cut them out of your life, they are nothing but a source of misery and abuse. Fuck them all!

Are you saying that this is how you treat your daughter? 😕

Oh fuck, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It's so damaging. I still get told about "that time I went mental and attacked her". In reality, I asked her to stop treating me so cruelly. Yes on both fronts. She is unfortunately an alcoholic and drug addict, it's seriously prevalent in my family.

Well losing contact with your dad would it be a bad thing so that’s not a reason to keep putting up with your mum. You could see if your siblings will stay in contact in secret, but if not then the best thing you can do is cut contact with them too. She may be the main perpetrator, but your whole family sounds pretty horrific. I know it’s hard to see when this is your only family and you don’t have the experience of being raised in a healthy environment, but I promise from the outside it’s easy to see how bad it is. Just cut them out and look after yourself

@EnhancedVampireEyeballs would it be any real loss to you without your horrible family???? your father and siblings sound like bullies too, think of moving house and jobs, even town, if possible, so they cannot find you.

The trouble is its probably not true. They will feel temporarily pissed off as they are currently quite happy with a situation where you are sorting your mum and they have all gone non-contact. It will make them feel better that you are there and are trying to keep the status quo, but they probably won't cut you off.

BTW, YOU CAN SAY NO..... Your Mum is an adult, you are an adult. You can walk away,block her on your phone for 24hrs and see how you feel. If you feel better (and you almost certainly will!!) go full no contact, then work on your mental health.

The tantrum that she has just thrown is epic. Lots of screaming. Throwing things. Standing at the bottom of our drive, screaming that she wants to be let in, and we must do so, as it's her right.

Well done OP. Call the police if she's being violent or causing damage x

Absolutely call the police. If you want different results you have to do something different.

OP, can you consider moving?
It sounds dramatic, but at what price your peace?
Better no family at all, when the price is too high.

Oh, love. This sounds appalling and so bad for you. It's not remotely normal and it's not just fine to walk away, it's essential.

Fwiw, when you withdraw and leave the rest of the family to her, I would be very surprised if they cut you off. But IF they did, it would still be by far the best thing for you to detach from such toxic relationships. I'm glad you have a supportive dh. Please get the hell away from them, involve the police if necessary, and draw a firm line. Then ask your dh to help you stick to it once drawn. Take care.

You bloody mustn't let her in the house, and it is absolutely bloody NOT her right.

I moved house just before Covid and didn’t tell them where I lived for 5 years. Guaranteed for no one to turn up on the doorstep - bloody brilliant!

This @EnhancedVampireEyeballs - your Mum is awful, but the rest are worse because they are taking the piss while using threats to get you to look after her when they won’t/don’t have your back. Dump the lot.

Pull up your big girl pants, find your self respect and block her. Change your locks if she has a key.
Leave her to it. Let her find another mug to do her bidding.

It is most definitely not normal.
Pathology aside, try telling her she won’t be seeing you if she behaves like that even once more. But it does sound like she needs clinical investigation also. (??)
If it turned out she was healthy and choosing to behave like that, you would have grounds to cut off all contact. You’re not an emotional punchbag for anyone, including your mother.

You never have to speak to her again op you're an adult and safe now

Just leave her to sort herself out

block her so she can’t contact you

if your family complain just tell them you are doing the same as them, and that when they pick up the slack you will think about it again

AA for friends and families of alcoholics. Get the book.