AIBU to be disappointed about this?

[mrsm43s]

Later this week, on my birthday, we're doing a long train journey to visit friends for a few days. Whenever we do these long journeys, we always book them over lunchtime, and do a "train picnic" of nice food e.g afternoon tea style and share some prosecco or anti pasta style and share some red. It means that our trip starts when we get in the train, and the journey flies by.

DH booked the train tickets, and he just accepted the default seating rather than selecting seats, and as a consequence we're stuck on a middle and aisle seat with no table. So lunch is pretty much going to be a sarnie and a bottle of water as there's no table space, the journey is going to be long, boring and uncomfortable, squashed in next to a stranger.

We've tried to change seats now, but as it's a couple of days away, there's no availability of seats at a table, and no availability in first class either.

I feel like instead of my birthday starting at 11.30am once we're on the train, it's not going to start until 3pm when we arrive, and the journey is something to be tolerated, rather than something to be enjoyed.

I don't want to be spoilt, and I get that I'm going to have a lovely time with my friends, but I'm really grumpy and disappointed. I think it's mostly because DH has form for this kind of stuff, always taking the quick, easy way, and never checking anything.

AIBU to be pissed off? And does anyone have any ideas of how to make the journey more fun, or special/treat lunch ideas possible to eat when sitting in a cramped middle seat?

Don't forget the leaning over!

Normal functional eating makes noise.

If you can't change seats, for food you can eat in your seats without a table consider packing things in jars.

Salads work well, or lots of small jars of antipasto. Desserts are easy to do (you can even buy some ready to go at most supermarkets), though petit fours would also be easy. You could also do red wine this way (or cocktails) so you aren't trying to pour without a table. I think the key to making it work is having it packed in a low, wide, stiff bag in just a layer or two and labelling the lids so you wouldn't have to root through everything to find the thing you wanted.

No ADHD. Just careless. Seems perfectly able to get things right when it's important to him. I don't think the burden of everything should always fall on me just because he can't be arsed to check stuff.

Like heck does all that stay contained in front of the two people sharing the table with two strangers.

I can't believe how many people begrudge a train picnic. My husband and I have done similar on long train journeys.

I don't think you are being unreasonable @mrsm43s to be disappointed in your husband, but I hope you can still enjoy it in the seats you have!

I always sit next to my partner in restaurants, rather than opposite her, precisely because it’s more intimate. Sitting in the airline seats on trains is much cosier and there’s plenty of room on the tray tables. What does it matter if the food and wine is on two little tables rather than one? Only an inch between them. Also more room for your legs. And you can both sit facing forwards if you’ve booked it right (who likes going backwards??)

However, I think on LNER you can reserve seats for free without booking a seat. Have you tried making a new reservation from scratch? You can also book free reservations on the GWR website for any train company, but I don’t know if that lets you choose seats. I know you said the train appears to be full, but maybe reservation from scratch are on a different quota?

Nobody is begrudging it, simply pointing out that it's not as contained or quiet as OP thinks it is, and that there's no reason they cannot eat at the little tables, if they really are only normally taking up half the bigger table. It's also such an overreaction, in the grand scheme of things.

Whatever the cause, he just can’t be trusted to take care of things that matter to you and you know that from the past. The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour so if something mattered THAT much, I’d book it myself. The flight tickets and expired EHICS cards impacted him also I’d imagine.

This is hilarious. A few months back, DP and I had an 8 hour LNER journey and did exactly as the OP describes..M&S picnic on our window side of the table. All perfectly contained and civilized. The miserable woman who got on after an hour and haraunged DP because she wanted his (booked) seat and then hissed and tutted anytime anyone spoke (including the perfectly nice family on the opposite table) was far more of an issue. She had WORK didn't we know, and she should have the blind down because daylight was making her laptop screen harder to see (we'd booked the coast side of the train specifically). We actually moved when other seats became available but anyone else who sat there got the same treatment and also moved.

In the end it is public transport..other people are entitled to be there and speak and eat and not necessarily in the absolute least obtrusive way possible. When my kids were small we played card games and read books and told jokes. Never in a quiet carriage and they were never allowed to listen to anything without headphones. Other people exist. If genuinely normal, everyday noises and movement are that upsetting to some, then I really do think that is their problem to manage, ie use their own headphones, not book on a table seat.

Clearly she should have been in the quiet carriage or had headphones.
That's a separate issue from OPs situation though.
Out of interest, could you have had your picnic in the airline seats too, had that been the only option available?

It actually seems like a lot of people are begrudging it.
Comments about all the palava and fuss etc. How there would be nothing worse than sitting next to people having a gasp picnic on a train.

If it's not a quiet carriage then there is no need to be quiet, and the food she's mentioned wouldn't take up that much room. She has said multiple times that they don't take up more than their own half of the table.

I've done similar while the other half of the table had laptops out and no one had a problem. I've also been the person on a laptop working while the other half of the table were starting their holiday with food and drinks and my only thought was how lovely it looked!

Well, guess who had to sort the name change and the replacement EHICS out...

I think this is the problem. I think he's careless because there's never any consequences to him. It's always me running round fixing things. He's more careful when booking things for himself (e.g an event I'm not part of) because if he fucks up he has to deal with the fallout himself.

In itself, this is not a big deal, I fully accept that. But it's just yet another in a long list of things which are worse for me because he couldn't be bothered to do his part of the job right. I'm just sad that he doesn't care enough to take a bit more care.

I shouldn't have to double check everything he does. He's a bloody adult.

Having witnessed a few train picnics in my time what generally happens is that folk start off quite contained but then gradually, often unintentionally, spread out. What I don't understand though is, if OP really is only taking half the larger table then why aren't two smaller tables enough space for the food? It's also more private. I also don't understand asking AIBU and not taking on board that she might be overreacting regarding the table situation.

Yes. DP is actually incredibly self conscious about taking up space, being the way, encroaching. He's a rugby player so big build. He would never in a million years encroach over more than our bit of the table. But we prefer to sit opposite to adjacent and may even play card games.

It's irrelevant how annoying she is being in your opinion. I am sure if you were sitting next to her, you'd be fuming. However, your level of annoyance is not the yardstick by which to judge this. People get annoyed by all kinds of things and disagree about the social niceties.

So the best way to manage this is through the rules and regulations of the transport company. On the London Underground, I believe there is a no hot food rule. You mentioned ScotRail services where there is a no alcohol rule.

But on this train - a long-distance service between London and Edinburgh - consumption of food and drink is not only tolerated, but encouraged. They serve curry naan breads, bacon rolls, Mac and cheese and lots of crunchy crisps and snacks. They serve wine, beer and spirits.

It is far from unreasonable for the OP to bring her own food on the train, eat it across the duration of the journey on the table provided, make all the noise and smells that eating food will mean. The social rules of the train have been established, very clearly, by the train company. If you don't like them, don't travel on the train. There is no need for the OP to change her perfectly reasonable behaviour.

Maybe he doesn't actually want a 'train picnic'. It's possible that he would be just as happy with a meal deal sandwich like most people eating lunch on a train.

So, is this more 'the straw that broke the camels back' than an actual issue?
I don't really get the table problem tbh, and think it is an overreaction, but I do see how the other examples are could well be classed as annoying.

Ha, see, I feel sorry for that woman because I’ve been her so many times! You sound lovely and I get what you’re saying, but I just wonder what her side of the story would be.

I have often been on that train trying to work or read or otherwise just quietly pass the time and there’s been people sat opposite each other chatting loudly and passing food back and forth, spilling things, jostling me with their elbiws etc etc… it IS a bit annoying 🙈

It might be enough space. I'd didn't realise the seats had pull down tables (not common on our local trains). But I'd be more comfortable sitting at a table, and prefer to sit opposite my husband when eating.

But it's not about that. It's about my husband yet again inconveniencing me by not taking care. I'm just so tired of it.

No, I wouldn't be 'in bold' 'fuming'. 🫣

Sure.

DP is incredibly softly spoken to the point waitwrsxasj.him to repeat himself. No one dropped anything or spilled or jostled elbows because we're adults. I do think of you need quiet to work you need to book the quiet carriage or use headphones. And I think we're lovely too..thank you!

I think you need to sit down and talk.
Make it clear the times he's actually made your life harder by not paying proper attention to detail - how that makes you feel and what you need him to do differently. Accept that there might be situations that you could perhaps be more flexible in too though, e.g. when you just have a preference as opposed to him actually giving you extra work.

I'm not dictating. Why are you getting your knickers in a twist about my opinion? Do you think I'm going to send the picnic police to your location?
And you jumped the shark a bit with your absurdly long list of 'picky bits'.
This has been very entertaining, but unless you're celebrating your 8th birthday, it's not normal to be quite so invested in your dream scenario of a slightly uncomfortable train picnic.