WIBU that I didn't want to drive 80 miles, and 2 hours to see my girlfriend for an hour before she left for a 3 week road trip?

[ByPoisedCat]

Hey all, first post here. My girlfriend was leaving for vacation for three weeks. We were supposed to spend a couple days together before she left. Instead she decided to leave Thursday morning instead of Saturday so we never got those extra days together. I understood and was fine with that.

I play basketball from 6-8 every Wednesday which she knows about and she wanted me to come up after anyways. For reference she lives 40 miles away and it takes me an hour to get there. I explained to her that might be a little rough for me to drive one hour up there, spend an hour and drive an hour to get back home as I had to work the next day.

Since she was going on a road trip and was supposed to be leaving at 3 AM. Yes, I could have slept over and worked from her place. I didn't sleep over because I didn't want to be woken up in the middle of the night because when I do I have a hard time falling back to sleep. I suggested that she leaves at 8 AM that way I could stay over and she was not on board with that (the kicker is that she actually left at 11:00 the next morning because she overslept)

There was a little bit of going back-and-forth with text and it was generally "You could have skipped basketball, and my response was "You could have left at 8 AM, or you could have left a day later, or kept the original plan and left Saturday. and she’s like “ I’m not talking about this during my vacation and we will talk when I get home”

Since then, we haven’t texted in a couple days because I took her message as “leave me alone until I get back.”

TL:DR WIBU for not canceling my plans or not wanting to driving two hours to spend an hour with my girlfriend before she left for a 3 week road trip?

I definitely wouldn't have taken her last message as 'don't contact me for 3 weeks'. I think it's more honest, that you are wanting to make a point here. Don't let this fester for 3 weeks, until it's blown out of all proportion. Text her 'OK, we'll discuss once you're home. Hope you arrived safely and have a fantastic time'. It's a case of you behaving like an adult, rather than being childish. Sometimes you have to be the bigger person. I don't think you were being unreasonable, you didn't want to travel and then back, to see your girlfriend for an hour. As your girlfriend wasn't catching a flight, and is driving, her leaving at 8 am, so you could stay over was a reasonable compromise on your part. She didn't want to compromise, and just wanted you to do what she wanted.

I could have. Just like she could have kept the original plan and leave 2 days later, or she could have left a day later, or left at 8 AM all of which she didn't want do.

If it's this tit for tat at 4 months.. do yourselves a favour & end it. It won't get better.

You should still be in the "honeymoon" phase not trying to score points on who should have done what & playing games "respecting wishes" to not text at all for 3 weeks, you know that's not what she meant!

Too much drama for 4 months. Just break up.

I think she felt put out you didn't make the effort to go see her because that's what's portrayed in films.
Reality is different and you did nothing wrong. She's taken the hump. She seems childish. I'd be ditching her.

She could have stayed and seen him for another two days if she was that arsed?

It is against the flow here but

You are being expected to do a lot of the running about here, whilst she gets to call all of the shots.

She has moved the date so she can go away early.
She wanted you to go to her for a hour (which may be less depending on traffic) and you could well be ending up spending most of that packing her car up.
She says that you could have not bothered with your sport, so you miss out again.

Is she usually this demanding and lets face it controlling?
Does she miss out on anything for you?
How often does she some to yours?
What effort is she putting in?

This made me think of when David beckham drove 4 hrs to see Victoria for 20 mins….
doesn’t sound like you’re that interested in each other.

Sounds like you’re both being really inflexible. Clearly she was hoping to see you one last time before her holiday and had been looking forward to that. If i was 4 months into my relationship i think myself and my boyfriend would have traveled in a situation like this. Now, a few years in, we probably wouldn’t as things have settled down and it’s not that exciting new relationship time. I’m surprised that after your sports you weren’t feeling energetic enough to whip round and see her and give her a good send off. She’s probably reconsidering your potential as a long term partner.

She changed plans.

If spending time together before she went away was important to her she could have kept the original plan - not expected you to change yours for her.

I would consider if you want to be in a relationship with someone so demanding as this.

Yanbu at all.

Mate. These should be the very easiest of times in your relationship, and they sound like an absolute ball-ache of unrealistic expectations and abysmal communication.

Can you honestly envisage living like this for the rest of your lives?

Or she could have come to yours if she was that bothered!

She sounds like hard work OP. Of course you shouldn’t move heaven and earth for someone who prioritises leaving early for holiday over spending time with you. It doesn’t sound like this is going to work in the long run but obviously that’s for you two to decide. Good luck with that conversation when she’s back.

She could have, yes, but she's not on here asking for advice.

Op, you were not unreasonable to say no to the round trip, but maybe use this break to think about what you want from the relationship, and be ready to talk to your GF along those lines when she gets back.

It doesn’t need to be a big deal, but will fester if you let it.

"I think at this point both of us are digging in and refusing to be the fist to text."

Oh dear. This doesn't bode well for your long term future together.

I tried to compromise by asking her if she was okay leaving at 8 AM so I could stay over and she said no.

What kills me is that she said no to leaving at 8 AM because it was too late to leave, then she ends up leaving at 11 AM because she got a late start.

If I’m into my partner, the scenario you set out wouldn’t put me off making the journey.

Maybe she woke up late because she was up all night fretting about you. She was all excited about her holiday, and then it came crashing down. Why didn’t you at least phone her after your sports thing and talk to her?

be honest @ByPoisedCat you're just not that into her.

I sent her a text and she just gave me a thumbs up. Then I sent her a voice message saying before I went to bed I love you, drive safely and we will talk soon which she ignored and and never responded to.

Why didn’t she come down to see you instead?

nah ditch her-she wouldnt stay longer with you she wouldnt let you stay till. 8am and ends up leaving later and somehow its all your fault

Or she was hoping to get the OP over to pack her car and had to do it herself so she ended up setting off late.
Or she drank to much and it took her most of the morning to recover.
Or she didn't need to hurry because she was setting off two days earlier than planned.

We don't know, and none of that should be laid at the OP's feet.