Termination of pregnancies - too willing to terminate, maybe there are other choices?

[Ilovepastafortea]

I have trouble with the issue of terminating pregnancies.

For context I had 5 miscarriages & 1 baby born 'sleeping' at 29 weeks.

Also 2 of my (3) husbands were adopted-well DH's mother was adopted in the 1920's. The point is if abortion was available in 1963 & 1926 neither of them would have existed. Their childless mothers wouldn't have had babies to love & care for.

If my first husband had been aborted my lovely son wouldn't exist. He killed himself at the age of 32 leaving me with a baby. But at least I had my baby which was part of him.

If my DH's mother had been aborted my 3 lovely step children & 7 gorgeous grandchildren wouldn't be here. Both of my step sons served in the Royal Navy - one in special forces & got his Green (Marine) beret. My Step daughter is a nurse & worked in A&E for many years, is now a Matron. She has saved many lives & made a difference to many other people's lives including taking unpaid leave to be there when her grandmother was dying.

But then I understand why some people do it.

I can particularly understand it if the woman has been abused or raped - who would want to bring their abuser's or rapist's child into the world. I get that.

I just wish that they would think about having their unwanted baby adopted so that someone who can't have a baby can love & care for it.

My heart goes out to those with an unwanted pregnancy & facing this.

I don't know what I'd do to be honest.

I have no doubt that most women terminate a pregnancy after much heart searching & grief. However, I also hear about women who are terminating their 3rd or more pregnancies & using it as a method of birth control.

So brings me around to AIBU to ask if people terminate a pregnancy number 3 or 4 are being unreasonable?

Or not.

Just canvassing opinions.

Adoption isn't always this fairy tale ending you think it might be. In America, it's become a money making business where certain people/companies get rich by encouraging young/vulnerable mothers to give up their baby which is then sold on to a wealthy family. This is not a trauma free process either, for the birth family, adoptive family or the child.

How ridiculous.

Abortion is an alternative to pregnancy. A woman who finds herself pregnant knows and knows she doesn't want to be a mother is also very unlikely to want to be pregnant at all. I've always been pro-choice but felt so even more strongly after having my first wanted baby. Morning sickness, the physical impact of pregnancy on my hips and then giving birth which leds to me having a post partum haemorrhage, a prolapse and scarring from a badly stitched episiotomy that required correction. To go through that with a wanted pregnancy is one thing but to go through it when I didn't want the baby would be a form of torture.

The idea that abortion is ok if the pregnancy is a result of rape has always struck me as an odd one. If you believe that abortion is wrong and kills a baby but make exceptions for rape then it's logically inconsistent to say a rape victim can have an abortion but not a woman who had a contraceptive failure cannot. Why would one foetus be more worthy of life than another? Why would a woman who has 3, 4, 8 abortions be okay having one or two but not anymore if those babies are all deserving of lie
To me it's more like deeming pregnancy to be her punishment, for opting to have sex. Why not just brand her with a Scarlet A?

If a woman is actively repeatedly getting pregnant and then aborting, is she really going to be a great mum or look after herself while pregnant. Surely we should ask what is going on that she's opting for something more invasive and having more of an impact than taking a pill or a quarterly injection or even an IUD or implant. I knew a woman much older than me who had 10 terminations over about 20 years. She also had several babies who she dragged up (70s and 80s, now they would be removed) and none of whom were in contact with her when she died. She had significant problems with alcohol.

Those foetuses/babies she aborted knew had no conscience, they didn't experience anything. They might have gone onto be a husband or wife to someone or they might have had FAS or other effects of being born to a woman with alcohol addiction.

How many children have you fostered and adopted op?

I think abortion has its place but I do sometimes feel sad at these little lives being snuffed out and what they may have become if left. All the people that would have born from them too and future generations.. however each to their own I personally couldn’t do it and partially selfishly because the guilt would ruin my life but I know others feel differently.

Totally agree ❤️

I was born to teenage parents and adopted, but I’m still pro choice. No, I shouldn’t really be here…

Unwanted pregnancies are traumatic, and abortion is healthcare. Having me was an awful experience for my birth parents, and I’ve been left with deep seated issues, even though I had a fantastic childhood. I’m not convinced adoption is easy either, in that a lot of people will not be able to give the child up and end up following a less than ideal path compared to the one they could have taken in life. I don’t see how giving up a child would haunt me less than terminating early, even if it’s the best option?

Personally, I’d have been a shit mother when I was young, or if I’d accidentally gotten pregnant when my family was complete and I’d reached my limit, it wouldn’t matter one bit how much extra help and support was available.

Also since when is pro choice really up until 38 weeks? Not unless it is the most extreme of circumstances.

I bet your bottom dollar that if it were men that were getting pregnant & giving birth then abortion would be available on demand & up to full term!

Denying women accessing abortion services is just another way to get a women.

You don't like abortion well fine don't have one, however no one has the right to stop any woman from accessing an abortion.

Although I'm not sure if I could ever have an abortion (fortunately I've never been in that situation) I do believe that abortion should be as early as possible or as late as necessary.

Sorry but your ‘what ifs’ are irrelevant. If your husband had never existed, you would’ve met another man and had a baby with him instead. And be none the wiser. Or not…there are infinite possibilities of how your life could’ve ended up, so this argument makes no sense!
Also I hate to say it but if your first husband committed suicide, he was clearly troubled. Unfortunately many adopted children are. It’s really not a great alternative to abortion.

There is no baby it's just a mass of cells. It doesn't have thoughts or feelings. Once it's a baby you can't abort it anyway.

Is that you Nigel?

Seriously get to fuck with your pro life waaaaahhhhhhh what about the baaaaaaybeeeeee nonsense.

An embryo isn't a baby and a woman is a real human person not an incubator.

Because generally most people are emotionally intelligent enough to understand that the loss of a much wanted baby isn't just about the death. It's about the parents emotional investment, love, hopes and dreams being shattered and the loss of life they had planned for their child. They are grieving somebody they never met, but envisioned becoming the centre of their entire world.

Also since when is pro choice really up until 38 weeks? Not unless it is the most extreme of circumstances.

If your pro choice then it means a woman can say at 38 weeks at 40 weeks. I want an abortion and you support it. You don’t get to say I’m pro choice unless this happens. You say it you own it.

Women can drink whilst pregnant and abuse their bodies whilst pregnant. You’re pro choice so again you’re ok with this because it’s her body.

This is why I’d never call myself pro choice. I’m more pro life these days. I also have my own cut off points and limitations because I also believe women shouldn’t have to go through pregnancy and birth unless they are completely committed to it!

If you make the argument that your DH and others wouldn’t have existed if abortion was available, there is also an argument that many people who have committed terrible atrocities could have been aborted to avoid the suffering of their victims.

It would be absolutely barbaric to force women to go to full term and give birth against their will.

No. We shouldn't limit how many abortions women can have. Multiple abortions are incredibly rare so those having them need them.

You sound horrendously judgemental.

It isn’t a baby, it’s an embryo, or a fetus, depending on the stage of development. Please don’t use language designed to add emotion and guilt to a situation which is always difficult.

First poster nailed it, in that is you don’t agree with abortions then don’t have one. However it is absolutely none of your business what other women do-
All those “examples” you gave are meaningless, life is full of sliding doors moments and if those particular gametes hadn’t met others would have and whole other new individuals would have been created, what is to say those other people wouldn’t also have been kind, brave, worthy etc?

I trust women, as early as possible, as late as necessary. Anything else is a path on the road to Gilead.

Your body YOUR choice

My body, MY choice

Because they intended to continue the pregnancy so if everything went well there would be a baby. Of course they would grieve the future they expected not happening-it would be a shock too.

Why would you assume someone not wanting a baby is all down to lack of childcare and support?

Not this again.

You’re entitled to your beliefs. You are not entitled to determine what other women do with their bodies.

Prefacing your views with your own personal heartaches is manipulative.

I’ve had miscarriages. Devastating. I’ve also had terminations (yes, more than one) when I absolutely did not want a child. Thankfully I had the option to quickly and straightforwardly end the pregnancy.

You deal with your life, I’ll deal with mine.

I am an adoptive mum and been through infertility, miscarriage and stillbirth. The idea of any woman bringing an unwanted child into the world just to keep a stock of babies available for adoption is appalling. Separating a mother and child is deeply traumatic for both parties, it's not a fairy tale solution

My mum held her friends hand when she had an illegal back street abortion in about 1962. It still haunts her now what she saw.

Women will still seek abortion even in places where it’s not legal so having access to safe legal termination of pregnancy is crucial in a civilised society.

What kind of conditions do you think could have been improved to have given me other options when I terminated my accidental pregnancy after having had two children? Nothing could have made me want three children, no contraception is 100% effective, I didn't want to be celibate, having my young children see me pregnant and then give up their sibling for adoption was never going to happen.

I’ve had 4 pregnancy losses myself. Weirdly it hasn’t made me think that other women shouldn’t have bodily autonomy 🤔
If you want to adopt then adopt, there’s plenty of traumatised children in care. You don’t need to force more women to go through with unwanted pregnancies to achieve that.

I don't think these choices are anyones business except the woman going through it. But I'll share my story to see if it helps you to understand OP.

It's my body and it is my choice and I frankly don't care what other women do, because I don't live their life. I'm grateful abortion is an option.

Honestly, until I was faced with it, I didnt think I could ever go through with an abortion.
There was a lot of tooing and froing with dh even the morning of the procedure. Even 5 months later, I have to remind myself I did the right thing by my family.

I had a lot of miscarriages and having our two children took a long time, 3 years trying for each. And then last year, on our wedding night, it happened, we actually managed to conceive without all the trying, all the "has it happened" this month, we were even using a condom and that failed, we didn't realise and because I was still overnight breastfeeding I had had 1 period but didn't pay attention so we didn't even know until I was almost 3 months along.

We want a 3rd, but our youngest wasn't even a year old, our eldest was still struggling to come to terms with having a sibling and we have just a fuck load of other shit going on, adding a 3rd, not the right choice for our family.

Trust me, it wasn't an easy decision, believe me I still cry and wonder if I made a mistake. But right now is not the right time. I am grateful I was able to access an abortion because although that pregnancy would have resulted in a wanted baby, it would not have resulted in a healthy household and I chose the children I have now, I always will!

If you want to restrict abortions on the NHS then you also need to restrict fertility treatments .. both are a choice