So fed up with live-in landlords

[EternalLodga]

I live in a city where rent is so high many of my friends and I are forced to be lodgers. There are SO MANY live-in landlords who are so unsuited to this gig.

I actually wonder whether there's a generational factor at play here: maybe they have never had to co-live and be on the back foot, as they basically take hefty rent off you and do whatever the hell they like.

My landlord just announced his daughter is going to spend 3 months in the spare room. Okay?

A friend of mine, on the day they moved into the house, the landlady had a party (the move in day was established weeks in advance).

They make a load off your back while also trying to rope you into doing deep cleans of their house while monopolising the communal areas.

In my experience and much to my surprise, the worst ones have been the most vocally left wing. Ive been trying to put my finger on why that is (im left wing myself) and I think its because they actually feel embarrassed about what they're doing, so their boundaries are completely fucked. Whereas the less "bleeding heart" ones see it as a simple transaction where you uphold your end, they uphold theirs.

One landlady actually told me when I could shower "to save on electricity bills". Honey, I pay you 800 quid a month: ill shower when I like??!

Sorry for the rant but im so sick of totally inappropriate people stepping into this role.

When it works well, with consideration and respect on both sides, having lodgers is great. When it doesn't work so well, often both sides are at fault.

I agree that moving a third adult in, for an extended period, will affect the lodger. They share bathroom and kitchen facilities and communal spaces. Similarly if the landlord decided to get a pet. However, it is their choice ultimately, the lodger's choice is to stay or move.

I haven’t come across this - when I last rented it was very much people looking for a group to house share, with shared responsibility for rent and bills and housekeeping. Sometimes a person would pay less if they had a smaller room. Maybe things have now become really blurred because of the sudden increase in mortgages and people now needing extra income. As always though, buyer beware - meaning, check the terms and make sure there’s a written agreement. Moving into an owner occupied property is unlikely to be the same as moving in with a group who are all tenants but if it suits both parties I don’t think it’s necessarily a sign that ‘renting is broken’.

im not sure what you mean by this either:

It's as if the landlords look around and think "oh, so that's how much people are paying for a room" and decide they'll charge the same. Including extra for bills

how else should someone set the price?

I think your expectations have been skewed by the positive experiences of prior homeowners you lodged with, where it became very much like a house share than a financial arrangement. I think those situations are very much the exception & not the norm unfortunately. I lodged for a short time & was fortunate to have use of a sole living & bathroom. The homeowner & I got on really well but it did come as a shock how she made no effort to consider me in other ways (ie her smoking indoors in the kitchen etc when I was cooking) etc amongst other things. It was a brutal wake up call that no matter how willing I was to be a “good lodger” & respectful of her space & property, the dynamic is always stacked against you & a person who lives in their own home finds it very hard to morph into tenant like mentality - when many of them have never even been tenants themselves or shared rental properties with others. I think when you own your own home your outlook or possibly just habits will change where your perception of your property & your right to using it exactly as you see fit, will never come after those of a stranger that is lodging in one of your rooms. It’s just the nature of the beast. I don’t think being bitter about it is any help though. It is what it is.

Lodging is an absolute world away from house shares! I’ve both been a lodger and had lodgers ; when I was in one it drove me nuts that the house owner had an alarm set for when I could use the kitchen , restricted bathroom use etc. I now have a spare room in a student area where accommodation is ludicrously expensive and in demand. Hence I rent out an en suite room at currently less than half the cost of student accommodation, and include bills - wifi, water, heating etc. However in no way is this a house share - and anyone wanting that would surely be willing to share with friends and pay bills?! The price reflects the fact it’s a room only in my house - with absolutely no influence on when I come and go or who I have staying there. Equally I am happy to let my lodger have someone stay over. You sound extremely entitled and naive. Find friends to share a house with and you won’t have these issues !

@busymomtoone my recent lodger was of the opinion I needed to let him know with 1-2 hours notice if anyone would pop by my home and the one time a friend popped in unannounced he got really pissy about it and said to me he wanted notice it was not fair for him to be sitting at my table in my kitchen drinking my coffee when my friend came in and saw him in his pyjamas. Same guy went to the beach first thing every morning in same pjs to see sunset with loads of strangers but apparently it was only a problem when he was in 'the home' as he called it at that point. The relief he and his rules and regulations are gone is immense and I cannot believe i pandered to them for so long being honest.

"How else should they set the price?"

If you have a look through the rest of the thread, the prevailing view is that anyone living with a landlord is a lodger in the landlord's house - and therefore, of a lesser status. A paying guest, basically. It's not fair to charge the same as a room in a house share, if that's the case. In a house share you're all equals.

Renting is absolutely a broken system, by the way. A house share is fun when you're a student. Grown adults shouldn't be living like that, and if lodging is all you can afford, that's worse again. I'm sure there is a minority that lifestyle suits, but most people want to be able to relax, and feel comfortable in their own space. A single person should be able to afford a one bed flat to rent. Most people 30s and up don't even want to be renting - we're just priced out of buying, and forced to throw a huge proportion of our monthly income into rent instead. It's a mess.

You're renting a ROOM. What the landlord does with the rest of the property is none of your business

Landlords house landlords rules.
I've taken lodgers and some really push boundaries, one guy put one item through an intensive wash then though my dryer for 2 hours to shrink it. I was very easy going at first but now I give the rules and if they don't like them they can look elsewhere. Hopefully I was fair.

Live in landlord is not a house share

if you are living with a landlord your a lodger
it’s not a house share where you have equal rights as each other on a tennancy

Live in landlords do exist. If you view the Spare Room website, there are a number of advertisers, that are live in landlords.

Unless your arrangement was based on 3 people sharing the house, or you were told family might stay for extended periods upfront, it would seem to fair that you are entitled to reduction in rent for the months the landlord’s daughter stays.

You sound appallingly entitled.

Renting off a live-in landlord is normally cheaper than privately renting as landlords face lower costs (taxes and mortgages). I assume that’s why you are doing it rather than rent a 1 bed flat. Rent also normally includes most if not all bills.

Also the properties are often nicer precisely because the landlord lives there themselves.

Finally, if it’s that much if a pain go and rent somewhere on your own, if you can’t afford it, then stop complaining.

There’s plenty of examples of room rentals, and therefore setting the price against the market rate of room rentals is completely normal. I don’t share the view that a lodger is ‘of lesser status’, but of course it’s a different arrangement. One that comes with significantly less risk and cost to the lodger, including the cost of rental.

What you’re decrying (and I agree with you) is people setting the price in line with a different product - a house share. Of course adults should be able to afford their own place, I completely agree, and there’s some examples shared on this thread where people are absolutely taking the piss (e.g. the Danish design flat!) People renting rooms are often - not always - also in the same position and can’t afford it. Relationship ship break up, cost of living, job loss. A massive proportion of adults are one payday away from mortgage arrears.

It’s not nice to be made to feel like a nuisance in your own home, whatever your ownership status. I’ve been a lodger with nice people and feel fortunate not to have had the experiences you’ve described.

I think your first post was quite inflammatory though - you’re sick of live in landlords yet here you describe generally positive experiences and an arrangement that’s suited you up to now.

where I live a 3 bed house is around 1800 -2k
a month
so If you divide that by 3 your looking at 650 each

plus bills & council tax which can easily be another 300
So your up to 1k each
plus you have to come up with a deport
and your often stuck in a 12 month tennancy agreement

a lodger can pay anything from 550 -700 all inc of bills / council tax where I live so a fairly big difference and generally you can leave with minimal notice

You’ve identified the problem here - it’s have your cake and eat it scenario for the landlord.

Well I hope if this daughter turns up - your cleaning and buying of supplies will drop to 1 in 3? I’d ask outright as there’s some clear CF dynamics going on here.

Good luck with your house move @EternalLodga

They aren't live in landlords, youre live in tennants

Its also their home op.

No. A tenant has a specific definition, with specific legal protections. A lodger does not have the same legal protections.

She is definitely a lodger, and a lodger's landlord is one that lives in the property. I don't know why people have such a big issue with the term live-in landlord. It makes a lot more sense than live-in tenant! Some landlords don't live in the property they rent out. Pretty much all tenants do live in the property they rent!

What if the landlord decided to allow 50 people to come and stay for as long as they wanted? Would OP be entitled to have a problem with that? Or is it their house, their rules, their decision?

No rights like that, aside from being free to leave if they don't like the living conditions.

Would love to see your house rules . Considering being LIL again

The casual ageism and jealousy are not helping you feel better about your situation. Obviously, they're struggling as they need you living there. I dare say their daughter is struggling too. That's the UK these days, at least in major cities.

Telling you when you can shower is bullshit and unfair, obviously. I rented from a woman who lived in the house in Glasgow who did have some odd ways, so I moved out and found somewhere better, and I know that is not easy but since things won't change in the house you are currently living in, you might have to try to get creative - move to the country? Find friends to rent with?

Focusing on how much better some people have it is a recipe for misery. There's not much you can do to change a lot of things, but you can work on how you perceive the world.

I was one of these! A lodger is not a flatmate! Despite having clear 'rules' written and signed on what areas, facilities/ belongings were communal / overnight stays etc younger people had massive issues with this.. I shared all my crockery - designer stuff and kitchenware on the basis it was washed after use... nah it was hoarded in their room with mould all over it.. the 22yr olds mum used to visit and wash it up for her, apologising profusely 😂A 50yr old woman does not want a flatmate - we are offering room rental and equipped with, in my case,sofa, tv,desk, storage with shared use of bathroom and kitchen

Very thought provoking post.