To go back to work full time even though there’s no financial need

[JamiJ]

As above really, my maternity leave is ending in a couple of months.

I always thought I’d go back FT but the thought of having less time with my DC is worrying me. Almost as if - these are special years and I want to be there as much as possible. We could afford for me to go back PT say 3 days a week which would be best of both worlds but I’d need to clear it with my employer.

Can I ask those couples where both work FT with young children, do you do so out of financial necessity?

If you don’t need to work full time then don’t, the pre-school years pass by quickly and you won’t regret having extra time with your child. Part time is the best of both worlds. You still get to be a person away from just being a mum but you also get days with your child to spend quality time together.

Part time has worked really well for me, I'm currently 4 days a week. It depends partly on your job though - some are better suited than others to being part time.

I don’t need to work financially at all but chose to work FT. My job would be very difficult to do PT (I ended up working most of my days off on my phased return) and I wasn’t about to give up my career that I’ve worked hard for as enjoy.

Thank you, this is reassuring x

I went back but it wasn't out of financial necessity but I'm glad I did because three years later I was the breadwinner for a time as the company dh worked for shut down.

There was also the bigger picture, I.e having my own ni contributions and work pension, the extra money so the fiancial burden wasnt all on dh.

That’s understandable, do you ever feel you are ‘missing out’ on things with your DC as a result?

It’s a bit more complicated- we could survive without my salary but we’d have to live differently. And retirement would be different too.

My husband and I have always worked full time and always jointly participated in the housework and parenting. I didn’t want to either put all that pressure on him or be financially reliant on someone else - I saw the results of that when my parents divorced later in life. We are really lucky though that we both work flexible hours - so full time in just over 4 days so could still have plenty of time with our children when they were small.

I went back full time had all the usual guilt and very odd comment from others .However I was the main earner and loved my job ( mainly).
I did get a cleaner and really focused on doing stuff with my ds when I wasn't working .I had a husband who really pulled his weight so I didn't feel everything was on my shoulders.
I was even on the various committees for play groups swimming clubs helped in the school etc ,when ds was young .
Was it easy absolutely not but I've a decent pension and I retired at 56.
My son thinks he had a good childhood and the 3 of us are close still.
That's the part of my life I'm most proud of .
You do you is my advice

As always on these threads, no mention of a partner.

if you’re single then yes, it’s your decisions. If you aren’t, then doesn’t he have any input? What does he think? Would he like to cut hours so as not to miss these years? If you don’t work will it mean he has to bear all the financial pressure? Is he happy with that?

consider the future. If you did end up a single parent, death, divorce, illness, redundancy, could you support your family? Will you have a pension if you find yourself alone in old age? Would you prefer the financial security of knowing if one person couldn’t work the other one could bear the financial load for a while? This happens with dh- redundancy and 6m unemployed, if I hadn’t been working we’d have been in deep shit.

are there other options like both of you going to 0.7 and spending more time with your child.

Sometimes PT is the worst of both worlds. Working and you find yourself doing all the housework and childcare and working.

Oh and also- a big positive of me working and retaining my independence is the example it set to dc. The girls especially - they see a woman can out earn men and men can do housework and raise children. They’ve often had to challenge things at school- one dc for example at careers meetings complained all the focus was on “what does your dad do” when asked about parents jobs, when I have the far more interesting job.

I went back full time because I needed to work to be more than just someone's mum. I didn't earn lots after childcare and petrol but I was putting money in my pension and not depending on my husband financially.

Do you not think going PT would have given you that same feeling in terms of being more than someone’s Mum?

I worked 5 days a week mornings only, worked very well for me. You could split it with your DH - you could do three half days, and he could do two.

If you could afford to cut your hours, I think you should.

I really really wouldn’t do FT unless no other choice. The stress. The expense of nursery. Lack of time with your child, and even less personal time. I’d eat beans on toast every day first - but that’s just me.

I was in a management role which in my profession is almost impossible to do part time. I was very much still 'climbing the ladder' at that time so no, full time was the way to go.

I’ve done ft and pt with small kids because I wanted to - 4 days was good when they were small, you need to have a good think about money as things can change. My dh may retire early due to ill health and I wish I’d thought more about the lifetime earnings (progression) and pension impacts.

that said, some part time years, and flexibility really useful with the under 11 age dc but beware the long term aspects.

so yes, how comfortable are you really for all the possible stress tests - and - after the dc, what is your end goal for your career? Is a long stretch of v part time work going to align with it?

I went back full time after my first, because part time wasn't an option in my job at that time. Went back 4 days a week after second. I have never felt like I missed out, I spend evening and weekends with them. I did get to experience life of a SAHM during COVID (while also working full time, me and husband tag teamed and I worked in the evenings alot) and it wasn't for me. I love spending time with my kids but all day every day was painful. Forgot to say that I don't need to work, financially very secure, but I like to get out of the house and have my own life going on.

I went back FT. I have no regrets. It’s meant we’ve been able to survive DH being made redundant 3 times in 5 years (including one point where we needed to remortgage, and I was able to do this on my income alone). It will mean a more comfortable retirement, due to increased pension savings. Our DC are young adults now, they don’t have any complaints about their childhood as far as I’m aware.

I would only have considered PT if DH had dropped to PT too. Why should my career be the one to take a hit for our children?

My dh was happy for me to not work etc, go pt but you know, 15 years later we’re really glad I held onto a decent if unstellar career.

I think with me, my priority is being a Mum now, so I don’t feel as if I am in competition with my husband. Yeah, a career is great, but it’s secondary to my DC.

MN tends to favour full time work but I think full time childcare is too much for preschool children, unpopular opinion but there it is. I would prefer to be FT but my kids wouldn’t.

This. You have to consider it all together. If you can avoid full time childcare imo you should. If you can’t avoid it, then obviously don’t feel bad and it will be fine (crappy system but not the parents fault).

We used to have a lot less mat leave. I went back to work FT after 4.5 months. Had a good tiny nursery at first, then a larger nursery later.

I never regretted it. I have a great career & DD has had good role models from both parents. The only time I nearly lost it was when I did a rare school pick up and another mum suggested that I should take more care over my laundry as DD's school polo shirts looked dingey!

I would never compromise my career, but that's my choice. Other people may make different decisions, but I think people need to look beyond the early years and consider how they will feel in a few years time. If you are happy with how you think your future will look, go ahead and do what suits you.

The advantage of being PT is it just gives you more hours in the week to move stuff around. If dc is ill on Tuesday but you can find childcare for Friday, you can make up the time. That's a lot harder if you are FT.

Why are you asking then? If it suits you, don't worry about others making choices which suit them