To go back to work full time even though there’s no financial need

[JamiJ]

As above really, my maternity leave is ending in a couple of months.

I always thought I’d go back FT but the thought of having less time with my DC is worrying me. Almost as if - these are special years and I want to be there as much as possible. We could afford for me to go back PT say 3 days a week which would be best of both worlds but I’d need to clear it with my employer.

Can I ask those couples where both work FT with young children, do you do so out of financial necessity?

I worked part time 3 days per week which I found a good balance. One of those days they were with my mum and 2 days in nursery. Financially it was a tricky few years of literally having nothing left by the time payday came but I wouldn’t have swapped it for the world as it’s gone so fast.

I’m due back to work in a few months & I’m going back on reduced hours. Time flies and it’s much more important to me to spend time with my little girl than the extra income while she’s young. Plus the thought of her being in nursery 3 days a week is bad enough never mind 5 I’m dreading it 😩

I do it for me to feel myself again.
But also 4 months after I was made redundant after May leave ending and us "being able to afford me staying at home and maybe having another" he left me. If I hadn't taken that job in September, and worse gotten pregnant and employed I would have been royally screwed.

So, do what your gut says. For me it was go back FT for "me" and the rest is just detail. Do what feels right for "you".
But I would say, can you afford to have equality in spending (whoever is working it's "our money), and will there be enough to ensure your pension contributions are topped up for the additional amount you'll be losing as part of you "being able to manage" because this is important to protect your future and give you both options about retirement. We often focus on immediate bills and just surviving but these are things that shouldn't be overlooked also!

If things do fall apart you're very financially vulnerable so do so with a plan you're comfortable with with all eventualities in mind. :)

I don’t work out of financial necessity but I do for my own sanity even I argue that in the early years that was debatable as the kids kept getting sick and it was so stressful.

Both of us are on six figure salaries and we don’t have an expensive lifestyle as chose to put both kids in state school, we choose the cheapest holiday camps that the boys like, we barely go on holiday etc…

We are both very career focused. My husband is more into earning as much as he possibly can and I’m more into doing something that I enjoy and find challenging where I can learn new stuff and earn a good salary from it.

If you don’t want to work and can afford it, it would be simple for me I just wouldn’t work. I wouldn’t try and compare your decision to others as we all have different circumstances and enjoy doing different things.

I loved being parttime but you need to have total transparency about finances and ideally your husband should agree to equal pension contributions for the period you are having a career break. As long as you are in a job where increasing hours and promotion is still available the main issue is retirement income so you should make extra contributions as though you were fulltime. And an emergency fund should be lose his job

Also as the previous poster said how stable is your relationship. I know that my husband would never leave me voluntarily.

We’ve been together for decades and he’s not the type of person that likes change and thrills either. He’s very steady. If anything I’m more into new stuff and get bored easily.

Ive also got lots of savings and half the house is mine too which is worth a fair whack of money (mortgage paid off) so I’m financially stable too. You’ve got to weigh up your situation and see if you could survive for at least 1 year without him if s* was to hit the fan. Just so you don’t put yourself in a difficult situation. You’d hope that would never happen but it happens to some and it’s best to be careful.

My husband lost his job back end of last year and was out of work for a bit but it didn’t matter as I could cover it and he had savings so cover his part too. Now he’s back to work and earning double what I’m on again.

I work 4 days a week . That extra day really helps ..

The question you need to think about is will going part time affect your career ? It might be secondary but financial security is really important too .

OP, I read a study into working mums and at the time of DC being small, SAHMs were the happiest group, followed by full time working mums - and part timers were the least happy (as they felt they had taken a step back at work and also didn't see kids as much as a SAHM).

By the time of retirement, SAHMs were the most miserable (empty nesters and career had taken a long term hit). Full time working mums were by far the happiest.

All that is to say, it's worth thinking not just short term, but what reducing your hours will do for career progression/pensions/how you'll feel when kids leave home etc.

There's no right or wrong though - it's what works for your family. Group childcare is beneficial for kids after the age of 2/3, but not great for the early years.

Stay home with your child. You'll never get them years ba k. I have been abstay at home mum to 8 children and I'm incredibly lucky that my partner has his own business and can support us. I am so grateful that I got to see all my kids grow up and I've had the best life. If you can afford it, or even if you need to cut back a bit. Do it. It makes me sad that my youngest is starting school in September

Strangely enough, FT working mums also have those years with their children, but they also manage a successful career on top. Do you tell your DH that he's missed out on those years?

100% this. I love my job, so would want to work FT anyway. We don’t need both our incomes on a month-to-month basis, but it feels great to be able to contribute our full pension allowance, and to not worry when big but unexpected things pop up (the wind nearly blew our car door off its hinges - annoying but no problem. The roof sprang a leak - we didn’t need to save up to fix it.) I think people underestimate how much strain finances can put on a relationship even when both incomes aren’t truly “needed” for day-to-day life. Plus then to PP’s point, the higher income earner in a very unequal partnership has a ton of pressure on themselves to keep their employment. This can also create stress and resentment.

I love my DCs with all my heart, but I have no doubts that in our uncertain world, me working FT is the best thing for our family.

I did FT hours over 4 days before going on MAT leave with DD2. Fridays were my day with DD1, DP did the same but Tue-Fri and had Monday with DD. It worked so well, we will do the same when I am back in work.

eta - we could afford part time hours but quality of life is better for all of us with the extra cash. I would also say I am a better parent by being in work, I am completely focussed on her when I am off as don’t feel I need a break or adult company etc.

Have done ft and pt. Honestly ft was so stressful with 2 small children. I missed a lot, I felt like I was chasing my tail. I lasted a year ft. As much as anything, cramming any cleaning, shopping, all the washing, planning for the following week, buying birthday gifts, booking kids clubs etc etc it's too much to cram into a weekend. Well done to everyone who manages it, hats off to you, I really struggled. I loved a day or two with my kids, we'd do the big shop, go to the supermarket cafe, do a baby group or some socialising and I'd get all the washing done and batch cook something for later in the week together. It meant we spent time together and a lot of life admin was ticked off. I also think ft nursery is a lot for small kids, I liked that they had a break and some quiet time with me.

I went back to work FT after both maternity leaves. I worked hard for my career and PT would've have meant taking a step back which wasn't happening.

Financial independence is incredibly important to me so relying on a man financially was never an option.

I don't feel like I'm missing out at all but then no one has ever asked DH that.

You miss out on so much being full time. Full time workers will say you don’t, but you do. You only get these years once. Go part time and crank it back up to full time when they are older and need you less - if you have the privilege of choice!

I personally think two FT working parents (if that is what the set up is) isn’t ideal for children of any age. DH is FT, I’m 4 days a week (from when DD was about 11), we work hybrid and I love that someone is home pretty much always when DD gets in (she’s now 15).

Of course for some families needs must, but if you don’t have to and don’t want to - don’t!

These questions always get such mixed answers, personally I think there’s not enough context to get any real view from people on the internet.

do what you feel works best for your family at the time, and also your child. Some thrive and suit nursery and others don’t at all. Also no decision is permanent! You can always change your mind

I will always be an advocate of working part time when the children are little if you want to and can afford to. These years pass so quickly and you can always increase your hours once they start school.
I did 3 full days and two half days and for me that was a great work/life balance.

Obviously the more time your kids are in childcare the less time they have with you, so of course you "miss out" on some with them.

The question is how important that is to you - and there's lots of stuff that will go into that:

How much you like looking after young children - I do enjoy this but only up to a point, I liked working 4 days a week

How much you enjoy your career - I do, very much

What your other priorities are in life. I do prioritise financial security perhaps more than some - I do want to be in a position to give my kids a house deposit, contribute substantially to university costs etc