To go back to work full time even though there’s no financial need

[JamiJ]

As above really, my maternity leave is ending in a couple of months.

I always thought I’d go back FT but the thought of having less time with my DC is worrying me. Almost as if - these are special years and I want to be there as much as possible. We could afford for me to go back PT say 3 days a week which would be best of both worlds but I’d need to clear it with my employer.

Can I ask those couples where both work FT with young children, do you do so out of financial necessity?

I've worked part time and its taken its toll on my mental health in the past few years. If you have a very straight forward job you can clock off for and not think about it until the next shift, and one child, its probably a great move.

But if you have more than one child, this can go on for more than a decade, and with a more demanding job, you just end up working into the night, surviving on no sleep, and being everywhere for everyone.

I've put myself last this last 12 years because I thought I was giving each child the best start and I pictured by now i'd be ready to work full time and prioritise myself. But now my eldest needs me again and being able to work flexibly has helped get her into the right school for her, help her navigate friendship drama's, transition to secondary, and I can be there working from home when she gets in from school and needs to offload about her day etc.

So I understand the part time when young advice, but i'm not so sure anymore whether it was the right thing.

I made the decision to work part time at the cost of my career and I don't regret it. I had my children relatively young, and they are growing up so fast. There's plenty of time for me to get back on the career ladder later.

At the moment I'm enjoying doing the school runs, the clubs and all of the other bits because they won't be there for much longer.

Yes we would be better off, but that time with my kids is more important to me.

Daughter is nearly 6, went back 24 hours which in my job is 2 days (covering a 24/7 service) and when she was 4 I increased to 30 hours which is 3 days one week and 2 days the next.
It means I get either 4 or 5 days off and flexibility for school. They get 13 weeks holiday (I can work a weekend and be off the full week so no need for childcare etc).

Working full time/5 days per week I would miss out on so much and rely on other people to care for our child.

My husband does flexi working and works full time hours over 4 days and has flexible start and finishing times. Even before Covid he worked from home some days.

You do what’s right for your family. For us 2 parents working 9-5 or around those hours wouldn’t work and I feel we would hardly see our daughter.

So dads don’t put their children first?

mums get applause for going PT, dads don’t?

no one ever seems to consider that maybe dad would like to have the best of both worlds, spend these precious years with their kids etc.

then we wonder why mums end up landed with the kids and dads aren’t that involved on divorce.

Both work FT to maintain career and progression
I went back FT after 6mth. Babies in nursery FT - wanted that chose it.
Never had any mum guilt or misgivings

Don't forget OP (sorry to be the voice of doom as I often am on these threads!) that 42% of marriages end in divorce. And if you fall in that camp you are much better off working and continuing to pay into a pension.

3 days is a good work/life balance while your kids are young. Also bear in mind that some part time workers are expected to magically complete a similar amount of work in less time - look out for this!!

Good luck with your decision. 🙂

We both work 5 in 4, we could live on DHs salary and me part time or just my salary, but we both have vocational careers we are passionate about. DS is 6 and I've been promoted twice in that time. My career challenges me intellectually in a way parenting doesn't, it's very high stakes/high pressure and difficult emotionally and psychologically but I trained and worked hard to get here and I wasn't willing to give that up. Consolidated hours means we only have 3 days a week we need after school club or activities, we are financially comfortable and can afford things like multiple holidays a year, to save for us and for DS and to not panic when something goes wrong in the house or if one of us was to lose our jobs. That makes life an awful lot less stressful.

I went back full time. It was Definately worth it because when my youngest was 6 I split with my husband. Having a strong career meant I was able to make that decision and didn’t have to stay together because of financial worries. I was also able to buy him out the house to minimise disruption for my children.

Putting children first doesn’t equate to working Part time .
Possible to both work FT and raise a happy attached family

If you decided to go PT, were you the lower wage earner and what is / was your job?

I returned to work part time, but a year later moved to a dream job that I could only do full time. The good thing about the move to full time was that dh had to step up fully and be an integral part of every bit of our domestic and family life.

When I went full time we had a nanny, and she stayed throughout my 2nd maternity leave (although financially I had to go back a bit early) which gave dc1 stability, and gave me such a lot of lovely time with dc2.

All of this became more important when dc were teenage and going through some very, very rough patches.

Because I'd worked and earned and progressed I had much more flexibility to be there when they needed me (and there are no real safe alternatives for troubled teens). Then I wsa able to become self employed, which gave me even more flexibility.

People often say 'you won't get those baby years back', but personally, it was the teen years that really counted.

I went back to work when my daughter was a year old. It was better for us both that I wasn’t at home with her all day. I reduced my hours when she was 8, then after Covid work flexibly and WFH so I’ve been here for her when she gets home from school. She needed me far more at that point than she did at nursery.

Not really. Because I stuck at my job I’m now in a very senior role. It can be stressful and long hours at times but the massive upside is it allows me a degree of flexibility a lot of the time.

Once they’re at school you realise very quickly what you should be at and what you can bin off. We also take the view that as long as one of us can be there it’s ok.

People often say 'you won't get those baby years back', but personally, it was the teen years that really counted

I’ve heard this said a lot. Including my friends of mine whose Mum’s worked long hours all through their teenage years.

Current financial planning has me retiring when DC2 goes to secondary school and just as DC1 starts the exam years. That wouldn't be a possibility had I gone PT. In reality I’ll probably leave my current job and get a portfolio career or just do something for fun.

I went back full time. I was the higher earner, but husband's salary would have been enough for me to be part time. It is never as straightforward as money though. My profession is part of who I am, it is how I move through the world. Being a mother is very much a sub-set of that. I have never missed sports days, plays, whatever. But I did it for my kids, not me.

There is no right or wrong answer, do what works for you.

I went back part time .we could just about afford it but it wasn't choice (DC has severe disabilities and FT was just not an option). PT stalls your career, you miss our on opportunities, there is the knock on effect on pension etc. My marriage is in tatters (largely due to the stress of having 2 children with complex needs). I have set myself up for a live of mystery by going part time (even though I had no.cboice). If you can go back full time, it's a no brainer.

I had a stressful job before kids and was working at senior management level. I stepped down in my role as well as going PT. That was 12 years ago and I’ve never regretted it. Can’t imagine going back FT now, though I’ve moved up from 2 days a week to 3.5.

I’ve loved the time I’ve been able to spend at home with my kids - going to baby groups, friends houses for coffee, days out with my parents etc. It’s also meant I can keep on top of the house stuff and life admin, do a decent amount of school drop offs etc.

I think whether it’s right for you depends on a number of things, such as- are you married? (if not you’re probably more vulnerable), how much support you have around you from extended family for childcare if you work FT, the relationship you have with your partner (mine worked away a fair amount), access to joint finances, also how you feel about progressing in your career later on as it can set you back.

its quite an individual decision but its definitely worked well for our family.

What type of job do you have? Do you have the option of hybrid office days, and core hours?

I went back full time after both (they’re one and three) but used all the accrued annual leave to have a day or two off a week for months, as a trial really. My job doesn’t really allow part time, but I do now have one afternoon off a week. It works for us currently because we’ve found full time allows us more flexibility and grace. Hybrid is a real help, and on those working from home days we get lots of time with the children as no commute. Core hours help a lot too, as we can both leave early if no meetings as long as we catch up on work after the kids are in bed.

I’d probably have a look at what flexibility your company offers. Because yes nearly half of marriages break down, but also redundancy and death. Being able to care for your children financially is great. And also to have savings to be able to give them all of the opportunities and experiences as they’re growing up. I love what a PP said about being able to buy her husband out of the house when they divorced, and what another said about retiring early when the kids are a bit older and still need you.

Don’t do it.

You will merely create a tax liability for yourself in order to pay for a lot of undeserving welfare claimants.

I agree. I also found going back part-time had two HUGE drawbacks…

I ended up working far more than the agreed hours - unpaid - because clients’ needs and deadlines came first. There was always pressure to do more.

Despite giving it my all and producing more output than some full-timers, I was repeatedly overlooked for promotion and never fulfilled my true professional potential.

I did eventually return to full-time in-office work but found it quite difficult to reintegrate into the corporate world as I’d got so used to working from home at times that suited me and my family, almost ‘being my own boss’.

If I had my time again I would bite the bullet and ‘just do it’.

Don't be short sighted - build up your pension, state and private, you'll bitterly regret not doing so.

I wouldn't have not gone back at all but I could have afforded to go part time and didn't choose that, despite being offered a 4 day week if I wanted (new job so flexibility available). My decision was because:

1. I didn't enjoy mat leave at all and tbh I was relieved I 'needed' to go back. My childcare bill wasn't that high due to family help so that wasn't a motivator and my commute was short. Job not too stressful at that time. All those things are important factors.

1. My long term goal was to get myself into a position of going part time in a pattern that suited school hours but not until school age, which is what I've done (although element of luck involved). This was more important to me as I remember my own Mum being there for me after school.

Unless I was going to enjoy it I wasn't going to sacrifice the extra money early on. I know that must sound awful and selfish. But you clearly don't feel the same so in your situation I would do part time as long as I considered the impact of this long term in whatever your particular circumstances are. Many (most, probably) of my friends went part time and none of them regret it, I don't think.

I think 'not needing to financially' is subjective. For some it would mean being able to afford the bills and some spare cash for enjoyment. For others it's that plus saving towards their child's future on top.
If I had become a SAHM (which I do see as a valuable role) I'm confident my career would never have recovered and long term life for DS would be incredibly different. Its also easier to negotiate part time when youre full time than find a well paid part time job.

I went back full time after DC1. It felt necessary at the time but looking back we probably could have afforded for me to drop a day, but it was at a time when there were lots of Covid restrictions still in place (March 2021). I went back four days after DC2 and it hasn’t decreased my income massively but has had a positive effect on my mental health!

I went back to work full time because it would have meant selling up and buying a smaller place, living in a worse area and not having little luxuries like holidays, being able to go out to dinner and things like that. We would have been able to survive on just my husband’s salary in much reduced circumstances, making life much more of a struggle. I’m sure I would be stressed about money everyday and trying to just make ends meet.

If this wasn’t the case then I’d have stopped working entirely until at least the start of nursery or primary school.

For those mentioning NI contributions, you get those automatically when you claim child benefit for a child in your name. Most people are entitled to child benefit, however if your partner earns over 60k you may have to pay some back as a tax charge on his tax return.

But otherwise your NI contributions are covered if you stay at home.