To go back to work full time even though there’s no financial need

[JamiJ]

As above really, my maternity leave is ending in a couple of months.

I always thought I’d go back FT but the thought of having less time with my DC is worrying me. Almost as if - these are special years and I want to be there as much as possible. We could afford for me to go back PT say 3 days a week which would be best of both worlds but I’d need to clear it with my employer.

Can I ask those couples where both work FT with young children, do you do so out of financial necessity?

I do agree either some flexibility or pt is key but don’t underestimate the benefits of a flexible employer, especially if you can buy more annual leave or take unpaid leave.

few people consider going back ft or near ft, but using unpaid time off you’re entitled to ask for, to boost leave days

Part time with some flexibility over days and hours so that you can be about when they’re poorly, for school assemblies, sports day etc is perfect.

Why are the baby/toddler years 'special time'? Every aspect of your child's life is special. Babies and toddlers are generally boring.
Keep your NI contributions going, keep paying into your pension, access promotions. You will be grateful later on. Children only get more expensive. And tbh they need you more as they start school and there is a heck load of things to attend and be there for.

Absolutely agree with you putting your children first - not for everyone but I applaud those who do

The first 5 years really shapes their future.

Well, it is all about balance. Yes, the first 5 years are important. So are the first few years at primary where they adjust to the school system and set their attitude to learning. So is upper primary where they need to learn to organise themselves and self direct their learning.

then you’ve got the adjustment to secondary, exams, and endless friendship drama to navigate.

it’s all important, it all requires time. Your career and your personal financial security matter too.

Part time was best of both worlds for me. I found being at home with DD really hard mentally when she was young. She was an easy baby and toddler and just had no idea what to do most of the time, had few friends and found it all lonely and depressing tbh. I found a job that was part time and had training for a qualification included and it all worked out very well

Asking this question on MN will only ever yield one type of answer. Work as little as possible not at all.

Thats why you get so many distressed threads on here from financially dependent women about welfare or partners or husbands. If you are not completely financially independent, then you should do whatever it takes to get there. If you have. A trust fund or inheritance which means you can be financially independent without the taxpayer or a man, the fine, work as little as you want.

You’ve definitely read different MN threads to me @Jennps ! Anyone struggling even slightly with a baby or toddler is frogmarched back to work, full time, immediately!

I wouldn't go back full time if you don't need to. I did 3 days when mine were little, have increased to 4 now they are a bit older.

I don't think you'll ever regret not working more and spending less time with the kids! If you can afford it that is.

Yes that's nice and idealistic. However if you have spent any time reading MN relationship board at all you will see it is full of women who have been absolutely financially fucked over when taking this approach🤷 worth bearing in mind how beneficial it can be to have your own money and pension

I’ve worked a mixture of either 3 or 4 days per week since having my children. It’s great. 3 days left us a little stretched so 4 days was probably the best of both worlds, which is what I do now. But 3 days was best for work life balance!

Are you married and do you have shared finances? Those would be my main two considerations before deciding how many hours to do at work.

Edited to add: my DH also works 4 days per week too so neither of us takes a ‘big hit’.

It’s incredibly better for income tax for both people to have a decent pension rather than one person with a much bigger pension since we’re all taxed as individuals.

💯 agree - if you can make part time work for a few years, it really is the best of both worlds

Both worked ft, could have worked pt but didn’t want to and glad I didn’t

My two DDs are 11 and 14 and still need me after school. I work FT but from home and hate being unavailable to them. I am going to ask to drop hours. We don’t need FT pay but it’s nice to have but if I was in your position I would definitely do part time .

We don’t need to both work full time but we do. We find work very fulfilling and both like making maximum money. Each to their own.

We both work 4 days a week which I love.

DH's day off is my favourite day of the week - I just swan off to work without having to think about the kids, come home to dinner on the table, it is wonderful to have a day when I don't have to think about the kids at all.

I enjoy my day with them too but my favourite day is definitely that day..

I won’t read the full thread but DH and I both have always worked full time since our kids were 6 months old. They are now 9 and 5 and neither of us feel we have missed out on anything, every year with them is special in its own way and whilst we remember babyhood and toddlerhood fondly we never feel a sense that 9 year old DS is any less special or interesting than 1 year old DS for example. We are who we are, and DC are well rounded, happy little kids, touch wood and both very proud of mum and dad.

I couldn’t have the career I have if I’d been part time. I do treasure time with my dc, but the older I get and the more I see of my friends and their families, the more I see how your teens often need you too, and I’m working hard to earn the flex so we can be good parents if there is something going on with our dc who need it.

Part time sounds good in your circumstances. I’d feel very out of it with my career if I hadn’t gone back at all, and it is good for me to work at least part time. But with a 5 yr old and 2 yr old now I’m seeing how those early years rush by and am grateful for those week days with my boys. It probably depends on temperament but I think they’d have found a lot of nursery early on a challenge.

Finally someone with common sense. And even supporting them through GSCEs, choosing college courses, higher education plans.
Parenting is way more than changing nappies and blowing bubbles and finger painting.

I worked full time after dc1, then had dc2 2.5 years later and went back part time after that for a few years, increasing my hours to 90% once they were both at school. I also take about 10 days unpaid leave every year.
Once I was part time I started paying into a private pension to make up the contributions I was missing by being part time.

I went back pt, 3 days a week. Perfect while our 2dc were little. They are 11 and 13 now and I look back so fondly on those days. I really enjoy work too and was able to work pt easily. I wouldn’t have wanted to stop working completely as my career is important and it’s hard to get back into - also we needed the money.

so for me I’d only have worked ft if I’d had to. However some of my friends chose to work ft for financial security (not necessity at the time) and are in a good position financially- they are happy with their choice too.

downsides of pt for me was being the default parent and really struggling to get away from that years later - and the hit to my pension. I am still happy with my choice though.

There is no right or wrong - you just choose what works as a family.

Worth remembering what others have said - sure it seems obvious that your children need you when they are small, but I actually think that was far less difficult to juggle than now when my children are older. My daughter had a difficult time adjusting to high school, there’s always a school fair or ukelele performance or friendship breakdown or taekwando competition or something that requires something complicated or time consuming. The early years were much easier in that way.

I will never be reliant on someone else to pay my bills (if I can avoid it of course) and I would never want to be the default parent for every single thing. I think part time workers have the worst of it all - lots to juggle and always the first person who is responsible for everything at home too. I have a couple friends who don’t work at all which looks fine (for them) and several friends who work full time with fully engaged partners which also looks fine. The in between option looks difficult.