to not understand Christians who have sex/live together before marriage then marry in church?

[onlytwo]

Posting here because I am genuinely confused and not trying to offend anyone.

I keep seeing couples who describe themselves as Christians who have been living together for years, sometimes with kids, then they get married in church with all the religious vows etc. I thought one of the key Christian teachings is no sex before marriage yet it seems really common that people ignore that part but still have a big church wedding.

AIBU to think it is hypocritical?

From a Christian perspective, however, life’s deepest meaning comes from a relationship with the one who created us, and rejecting that relationship leads to separation from God, both now and after death. Christians believe that separation is not what God wants for anyone. He desires everyone to find forgiveness, love, and eternal life with Him but He will not force Himself on anyone.

So, in my view, the biggest concern is not about how good or moral someone is by human standards, but about whether they are connected to the source of life and goodness. Christians believe that choosing to remain separate from God means remaining apart from the fullness of life He offers.

But ultimately, what happens after this life is in God’s hands alone. I don’t claim to know your heart or future, only that you are deeply loved and the invitation to relationship with God is always open.

Christianity teaches that God offers forgiveness for every sin when someone genuinely repents, and that includes sexual sin. There is no sin beyond forgiveness if a person turns to God with a sincere heart.

My concern is not whether forgiveness is possible, but whether people acknowledge that premarital sex goes against what Scripture teaches or instead try to redefine it as acceptable within the faith. It is one thing to stumble and seek forgiveness; it is another to deny that there is anything wrong in the first place.

I do not believe sex before marriage is uniquely unforgivable. I believe it is a serious matter because the Bible teaches that sexual purity reflects our commitment to God. But like all sins, it can be forgiven through grace. My point is that honesty about sin is essential if forgiveness and real change are to happen.

I wasn’t created by god - so definitely not someone I want a relationship with. Life is pretty much perfect so I’m not looking to change anything.

I didn’t ask what god might do to me (nothing) but what you thought would happen to me?

if you continue through life without choosing a relationship with God, I believe you would remain separated from Him, both now and after death. This separation not as God angrily punishing someone, but as the natural result of rejecting the source of life and love.

But I also believe God loves you deeply and that the invitation to know Him remains open for your entire life.

I don't know what will happen to you. I have no thoughts on the matter. Only God has that knowledge.

What if you’re not so much as not choosing a relationship ship with him, but you have been shown no evidence of his existence? If he doesn’t make himself known to people, how can they possibly come to him?

That’s a really important question and I understand why it can feel impossible to choose a relationship with someone if you feel you’ve never been given convincing evidence that He exists. God reveals Himself in many ways through the beauty and order of nature, through the moral sense we have of right and wrong, through the experiences of those who seek Him, and through historical events like the life and teachings recorded in Scripture.

But I also believe God does not force Himself on anyone; He gives us the freedom to accept or reject Him. Those who genuinely seek truth with an open heart will find Him, because God wants to be known and is not trying to hide. Jesus said, “Seek and you will find” but seeking often means honestly exploring, questioning, and being willing to consider that He exists rather than expecting irrefutable proof on our terms.

I realise that may not sound satisfying if you feel you’ve looked and found nothing. God is patient, and the invitation to know Him remains open throughout life for anyone willing to seek Him.

But why doesn’t he literally just pop, do a few miracles and prove beyond a doubt? Give everyone an opportunity to know he really does exist and then let them make the choice to come to him or not fairly with all the facts? It doesn’t make any sense that he would be so cryptic. He’s stacking the deck against us ever coming to him.

I have life and love of which god has nothing to do with so my life wouldn’t change with any god being involved.

Have difficulty accepting you have no thoughts on what might happen to me when you’ve expressed your thoughts throughout this thread.

From a human perspective, it would feel much more straightforward if God just appeared unmistakably to everyone and proved His existence with undeniable miracles. God values our freedom to choose Him in love rather than out of compulsion. If His presence were overwhelmingly obvious, it could undermine genuine faith by making it impossible not to believe; people might follow Him out of fear or obligation rather than a willing, heartfelt choice.

Scripture also suggests that God has already given enough evidence of Himself through creation, conscience, history, and the experiences of those who seek Him. But He invites people to respond to that evidence freely, rather than forcing belief. The idea is that faith involves trust, and trust is only meaningful when we have the choice to accept or reject it.

That doesn’t mean it’s always easy or that doubts aren’t natural. But Christians believe God wants a relationship based on love, not coercion, and so He gives us space to seek Him rather than overwhelming us with signs that leave no room for real choice.

I do think what happens after this life depends on whether we choose to accept or reject a relationship with Him. If you remain separate from God, that separation will continue after death. But I also believe God’s love is greater than we can imagine and that He wants everyone to come to Him.

Ultimately, it’s not my place to decide your future. That is between you and God. But I look forward to seeing you on the other side 😉

It would be still more straightforward if people stopped believing in things for which there is no shred of evidence.

You’d still have freedom to choose if you indisputably knew he was real though so that doesn’t wash.

The scripture is a couple thousand years old. He might have given enough proof to people then, buts it’s clear people now do not have enough proof. Seems silly if he wants us to choose him to not give us some hard proof.

There is evidence for God. Not in the way of a lab experiment, but in the order of the universe, the existence of objective moral values, the historical impact of faith, and the experiences of countless people who believe they have encountered Him.

I know you may not find those things convincing, but for many they are powerful reasons to believe.

As god, imo doesn’t exist nothing will happen to me - or anyone else. I won’t be accepting any god - doesn’t make life better

Better to live life to the fullest now rather than worry about religious rules and laws.

But the issue isn’t just knowing God exists. It is about the kind of relationship He wants with us. Even if God made His existence indisputable, many might follow Him out of fear or obligation rather than love and trust. That’s why Christians believe He gives enough evidence for those who are open to seeking Him but not so overwhelming that it forces belief.

As for Scripture being ancient, it’s true that the texts were written thousands of years ago, but Christians believe their message is timeless and that God continues to reveal Himself in other ways through the beauty and order of creation, the conscience that points us to right and wrong, the lives changed by faith, and the hope many find even today.

I know that may not feel like “hard proof” to you, but from a Christian perspective, it’s meant to invite a willing response, not compel it. The idea is that faith involves trust, and trust requires the freedom to accept or reject, not certainty that leaves no choice.

And how does this belief improve your life compared to mine as a non believer?

Truly living life to the fullest includes knowing the One who created life, because it’s in relationship with Him that we find lasting meaning and hope beyond this world.

I don’t think faith is about worrying over rules or living in fear, but about finding a deeper purpose, love, and peace that go beyond what this life alone can offer. But I respect your choice.

If you ever decide to explore these questions further, I believe God’s invitation will always remain open to you.

Only if you’re a Christian. If you aren’t, living life to the fullest just doesn’t mean any of that.

For me, believing in God gives a sense of purpose and hope that goes beyond what happens in this life. It helps me face challenges knowing there’s meaning even in suffering, and it gives me peace that I’m loved. It also inspires me to love and forgive others more fully, because I believe I’ve been shown love and forgiveness myself.

But for me, it brings a deeper sense of connection, direction, and hope for the future that I haven’t found anywhere else.

And he’d know if people are just following him out of fear, right? So what’s the problem?

I understand what you mean, and you’re right that if someone doesn’t believe in God, their idea of living life to the fullest will look different. For me, it’s belief in God that gives life purpose and meaning beyond just what we experience day to day. It’s what helps me see value in love, sacrifice, and hope even when things are hard.

Non believers can find their own purpose and meaning.

God would know if someone is only following Him out of fear. But from a Christian perspective, God doesn’t just want obedience or outward behavior; He wants a genuine relationship based on love and trust. If His existence were so overwhelming that it left no room for doubt, many people might comply outwardly but never choose to love Him freely.

The goal isn’t forced submission but an authentic response of love. Christians believe that’s why God gives enough evidence for those who truly seek Him, but not so much that belief becomes automatic or coerced. It’s about giving us real freedom to choose a relationship with Him. One based on love, not fear alone.

But you can build a genuine relationship when you have all the facts, and if anyone’s relationship isn’t genuine, god will know….

I have to agree, what divine being would cast out a person who has consensual sex before marriage but allows a paedophile eternal bliss because he waited until he married the child 🤷‍♀️
If Christianity had not progressed it would still be a thing. That’s an abhorrent thing to think about.
I’d rather go straight to hell than let my children be subjected to teachings that are contrary to modern culture.

Am sorry that you’ve needed to rely on a religion for a sense of purpose , hope for the future and love. I suppose I’m lucky I have those in real life.