to not understand Christians who have sex/live together before marriage then marry in church?

[onlytwo]

Posting here because I am genuinely confused and not trying to offend anyone.

I keep seeing couples who describe themselves as Christians who have been living together for years, sometimes with kids, then they get married in church with all the religious vows etc. I thought one of the key Christian teachings is no sex before marriage yet it seems really common that people ignore that part but still have a big church wedding.

AIBU to think it is hypocritical?

Have a look at a YouTube channel, the 700 Club. Hundreds of testimonies of healings, miracles etc. I should say, I am an atheist and don't believe that these are supernatural, but happy to accept that is a faith position and plenty of people DO think God still is active in the world.

Only 700?

The historical accounts indicate (not confirm) that he was killed and the tomb was empty. Some explanations are hallucinations, visions or legends.
Have you studied our we were created and evolved?

To be a Christian (and I was a practicing one for most of my life) you have to make yourself pretty comfortable with mental gymnastics (how does an all-powerful, all-loving God allow such suffering for one), and sex before marriage is far from the most difficult of the mental gymnastics required.

OP, if you were honest, even as a non-believer, your life and beliefs will consist of a fair degree of contradiction and cognitive dissonance.

I would imagine it's more, that's just the name of the channel

I was brought up Catholic but no longer. I have no interest in organised religion. I just try to be a good person .

There are no areas of the bible that says no sex before marriage. Mary was pregnant BEFORE she married. Most people, of the time, wouldn’t have believed she was a virgin! I believe in the virgin birth because I am a Christian. I had sex before marriage because I didn’t want to end up with someone incompatible! It’s a long time to be in an uncomfortable relationship.

You sound very judgemental about something you have very little information on, but i bet you felt very smug googling Bible verses that would support you pov. Do you like to pick apart other religions too? Goodluck with doing the same with Islam or, God forbid....

It’s literally only been in the past 40 years or so that using corporal punishment on children has been seen as wrong… For the rest of human history it’s generally been seen as absolutely fine. Not saying it is fine, but interesting how easily we all get caught up in the prevailing beliefs of the day and hold them to be timeless and obvious:

To be fair to OP, she’s not picking apart Christianity as a religion.

Bit god should be timeless, no? So if it’s his word, he should have always known violence to vulnerable children is wrong.

I’d say , the best way to look at it , is the reasoning you give for the discrepancies between the Old Testament and New Testament and why a lot of the old “rules” don’t apply anymore , 2000 years ago or now. The Christians you talk about apply the exact same reasoning, it’s just over something that you (and possibly many others) still consider fundamental and extremely important. The reasoning stands, because it’s a valid argument, however it’s trickier to accept when you feel strongly about a specific issue. :)

Exactly - I’m an atheist. Someone who is religious is not a more compassionate person than someone who isn’t and vice versa Being religious doesn’t mean you are “good “.

You still didn't answer my question. If you think premarital sex is so terribly immoral, why is your issue with those who get married and therefore fix this issue you disapprove of?

Everything you’ve written is about ‘permission’ or ‘should’ but that’s not what any of the holy books are about - they are not rules, they are guides. And all holy books have gone through centuries of modifications in line with cultural and societal changes. For example, King James (who was gay or bi) and commissioned a translation of the bible built in positive associations of being gay.

one thing is consistent in the Christian bible though, the teachings of Jesus which paraphrased ‘you are not at home to the hearts of your brothers’. Basically focus on yourself and your life, and give love and benevolence to all. It’s not you who can or should judge others for their choices

Are you also surprised that they haven't sold a daughter as a slave and that they sometimes wear wool and cotton at the same time?

I agree. We were very good friends with a vicar, and as far as I can recall all of his children lived with partners before they married.

I think you need to find a hobby OP and stop focusing on this nonsense.

In the Catholic Church these rules are stricter . Obviously priests are celibate and cannot marry. However I know of one that converted to Catholicism from Cof E as he was against women vicars. As he already had a wife and kids he was allowed to not be celibate! How is that fair to the other priests? Load of nonsense and rewriting the so called rules. I’m so much happier no longer being part of organised religion. I have my own moral compass and it’s served me well so far.

Marriage in biblical times was not just a blessing or a set of words; it was a formal, public agreement that created a binding covenant between a man and a woman, witnessed by families and the community. This covenant established responsibilities, legal rights, and protections for both partners, especially the woman, who was otherwise vulnerable in that society.

It is not the words themselves that make sex “okay” but the commitment those words represent. The marriage covenant transforms a sexual relationship from something casual or self-serving into a lifelong, faithful union that reflects God’s design for intimacy and love.

Sex outside of marriage separates the act of physical union from the covenant meant to protect and honour it. That is why, in Scripture, sex belongs within marriage because it is only within that committed relationship that sex fully expresses what it was created for: the complete giving of oneself in faithfulness and trust.

So the marriage covenant is not about magic words but about a public, lifelong commitment that makes sex a true expression of love as God intended.

I think you’ve missed my point and illustrated it at the same time… My point wasn’t about the Bible or God, but how, as a society, change our views, often with utmost conviction, quite fluidly. Your ancestors, even very recent ones, male and female, wouldn’t have generally thought smacking a child was bad. Were they all evil?

It is true that historical sources like Tacitus and Josephus indicate that Jesus was crucified and that his followers claimed he rose from the dead. While some suggest hallucinations or legends as explanations, those theories struggle to account for the dramatic, lasting impact on the disciples and the explosive growth of the early church which faced intense persecution. People rarely endure torture and death for what they know is a hallucination or lie.

Regarding evolution, I fully acknowledge the scientific evidence for how life developed on Earth. Many Christians do not see belief in God and acceptance of evolution as mutually exclusive. Understanding the natural processes of creation does not disprove the existence of a Creator; it can even deepen awe for the complexity and order in the universe. But scientific theories about our physical origins do not address the historical evidence for Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection, which are central to the Christian faith.

The key question remains: why did so many eyewitnesses, who had every reason to abandon Jesus after his death, instead boldly proclaim his resurrection at the cost of their lives? Legends do not spread like that in the face of persecution.

I agree that Christianity, like any serious worldview, requires grappling with challenging questions, including the problem of suffering. These are not easy issues, and honest believers have wrestled with them for centuries. But wrestling with hard questions is not the same as mental gymnastics. It shows a willingness to seek understanding even when the answers are complex or uncomfortable.

Regarding contradictions, you are right that everyone, believer or not, can hold inconsistent beliefs or struggle to live fully in line with their values. That is a human reality. But recognising our own contradictions does not mean we should stop asking hard questions about faith or stop striving to align our lives with what we believe is true.

So yes, sex before marriage might seem like a small issue compared to big theological questions, but it is still important to consider how our choices line up with the teachings we claim to follow. Avoiding uncomfortable topics because they are not the biggest mysteries of faith is not honest or helpful.

I am not trying to be judgmental or smug. I started this discussion to understand how Christians reconcile traditional teachings with modern practices, especially around marriage and sexual ethics. Referencing Scripture is not about trying to score points but about engaging honestly with what Christianity has taught for centuries.

This is not about attacking or picking apart other religions. Since the thread is about Christian beliefs, I have focused on what the Bible says and how Christians live today. It would not make sense to bring Islam or another faith into this conversation when the question is specifically about Christian teaching and practice.

I welcome honest discussion and I respect people’s freedom to disagree. But dismissing the conversation as smug or judgmental does not answer the real issues being raised about how faith and life line up.

I didn’t claim they were evil. The post is about the word of God and you’d think k god would know better than to advocate for hurting children.

Christians believe in god and Jesus but beyond that are free to interpret their religion how they wish.