14 year old boys are a pain in the ass.

[summerholidaynow]

OMG, the attitude. The flat, 'I-don't-give-a-shit' voice. About everything. Can't be assed. Doesn't care. I'm dreading the summer holidays, just seeing him glued to his phone.

To be fair he does a lot of sport, and goes out with friends. But when he's here, it's like he's doing us a massive favour and nothing we do is right.

There are flashes of the old him, and I know he loves us.

This is common, right? They turn back to human at some point?

Oh yes ! Agreeing here. All that I do is wrong...

DD is 18 and off to university this year. She's navigated adolescence with relative ease. Be open and honest, boundaries negotiated but you have the final say and enjoy their company. I'm a teacher and find teenagers endlessly curious, keen to please and so very funny.

I'm probably fortunate that DD has always been pretty easy to parent and the biggest challenge of adolescence was her worrying about the people around her. DS is nearly 14 and while he is hungry all the time, struggles with sleep a bit and is awkward and uncoordinated, he's still funny and kind and fantastic company.

Seriously go and read up on teenage brains and behaviour and get off your high horse

I haven’t had time to read the thread in full @summerholidaynow- but as an owner of a 17 year old specimen AND an 18 year old specimen I have two current data points.

It is not you. It is real. It is happening. They can be absolute horrors that leave you sobbing in your room wondering where and when you took such a wrong turn with your parenting.

It does improve. Just very slowly. You’ve got GCSEs to get through first. You’re going to feel gaslit at points. Dig in.

Top tip. Get a hobby that means you need to leave the house. Don’t be quite so available to everyone. I’ve started walking longer distances with the dog. I’m on Strava, checking my pace, and finding different routes to try. I listen to podcasts and music and it leaves me more resilient for the shenanigans at home.

Omg the gaslight thing, I keep worrying with my son he will be like that in a relationship! He bends the truth and is never wrong

Mine likes to wind me up by asking stupid questions, for example "DS empty the dishwasher" - "what's the dishwasher?"
I let it flow over me most of the time but sometimes that drives me absolutely crazy. He is still loving, sweet and kind. But is a pain in the arse 😄

My boys are through this unscathed but my daughter is entering this phase and is awful!

I have three sons, @Jennps - the older two came through the teenage years relatively smoothly, but the third was much, much harder - he lost his temper a lot, was rude and difficult. All three boys had the same parenting - fairly strict parenting - but one of them had a radically different experience of the teenage years than the other two.

How do you explain that?

Mines have been the exact same, if I’d stopped at 2 I’d maybe think I was a great parent and be a bit ignorant but my 3rd has pushed me beyond my limits.

I’ve scanned some of the thread now, @summerholidaynow- there’s some good stuff here: particularly on keeping them busy. Gives them less time to gob off at us….

@NevilleBigBottomThe dishwasher stuff reminds me of the toddler “why?” and “how does x work?” stage… Thoughts, prayers, and gin/chocolate coming your way…

@Harry12345 I worry about their responses too. I describe our younger one as being “slippery” and the elder as being “spiteful” when they are on a roll. We have neurodivergence in our house too, so it is very much on my mind as to who they are going to be as adults. I reinforce positive, good people do x and behave y and say z at every opportunity - all in the hope that something filters through!!