14 year old boys are a pain in the ass.

[summerholidaynow]

OMG, the attitude. The flat, 'I-don't-give-a-shit' voice. About everything. Can't be assed. Doesn't care. I'm dreading the summer holidays, just seeing him glued to his phone.

To be fair he does a lot of sport, and goes out with friends. But when he's here, it's like he's doing us a massive favour and nothing we do is right.

There are flashes of the old him, and I know he loves us.

This is common, right? They turn back to human at some point?

Does he also smell? Mine is now 16 and lovely, funny and very good humored. He was gross until last year though. Sixth form (equivalent as in France) changed everything for the better.

I’m looking down the barrel of 14 so am here for solidarity and the positive exit stories.

They are still mostly nice to be around and I tell myself to be patient and ignore the ungrateful behaviour (the thing that winds me up the most!) but, man, it is difficult when you’re in the midst of it.

They come out of it about age 17. Nothing you can do but ride it out. Take care of yourself. Don’t try and change him or make him spend time with you. Complete waste of time and energy and you will just end up upset. Just keep re assuring him the changes are normal and your here if he wants to spend time. My eldest is 18 now, middle one (son) is 13 and he’s starting to be the same. Age 14 was the worst for me. Buckle up sis and get stocked up with wine and get a few spa days booked in lol x

Omg the socks!! Mine is the same had a huge tantrum in the shop the other day when buying school shoes (£17) when I wouldn’t buy him TWO packs of Nike socks which were like £21 each. I said I’m not spending nearly £50 on socks when the shoes were £17! I got him 1 pack and he threw the shoes on the floor and stormed out of the shop 🙃

Because it’s literally the hunger games lol 😂 why are they always so hungry 🤣

This is sad. My 14 (nearly 15)yo ds is lovely.

How is it sad?

It’s not sad it’s mostly normal, my older son was a lovely teen, younger one not so much, if you read up on teenagers what people are describing if very typical

You sound very judgemental.

I'm aware that some parents have kids who sail through it - I have friends with kids like that - and honestly, it's great for you. Really. But it's not the typical process, and to be told how awful it is to be 'stereotyping' or 'it is sad,' is honestly irritating and unnecessary. If you haven't experienced it, don't judge it

Mine was like that constantly from about 13-17. He was completely insufferable! He’s in his 20s now and absolutely wonderful. He came round this morning to pick me up and take me out for breakfast, then we went for a walk. He walked by my side and happily conversed with me! We had a laugh remembering the days when he’d walk ten paces behind me and grunt. 😂

I have a DS15 who is a really lovely boy and always has been.

DD13 is better than when she was 11, but still hard to reach sometimes. They're massive toddlers with a more imaginative vocabulary, and I try to remember that when she's screaming that she hates me because her top is in the wash.

I show her love even when she's being a massive arse, but once she's calmed down we discuss the things she shouldn't have done and said. She does feel sorry afterwards. I don't take it personally. If I took it personally I'd really struggle, but it isn't personal.

I can confirm it all rights itself. I have one nearly 18 yr old boy who is back to normal - he was VILE at 14/15 and then started to get better again at 16. I started to think I had spawned Damian.

Now my second is 14 and I was convinced he would not become vile as he is so sweet. Wrong. He is now vile also. At least this time I know he’ll come back 😂

I’m glad this popped up, I’ve just had an awful shopping trip with my 14 year old ds.

It started so lovely, we were having a laugh etc until the trainers he wanted weren’t available in his size. Then the monotone voice appeared, a bit hangry too (not eaten for 1 hour) and the afternoon took a nosedive. If anyone spotted a harassed looking woman walking very fast with a sullen teen walking a few feet behind this afternoon, that would have been me. I’m not taking him shopping again for a few years. Thankfully he was laughing and speaking normally again by the time we got home.

I'm not judging! It just makes me feel sad that all 14yo are getting a bad press, when some of them are great. I'll probably be back in a years' time starting a thread about 15 year olds 🤷🏼‍♀️

I feel your pain

They’re not ‘all’ getting bad press. The ones who belong to parents who are experiencing it are - I don’t speak for anyone else

Maybe you aren't, but some people are saying things like this:

14 year olds, regardless of gender, are a total pain the arse

So I just wanted to make the point that they aren't all awful, especially as there are some people on the thread who aren't there yet and were getting the impression that it was definitely going to be terrible.

Anyway, I'll bow out now.

No it’s not common.

They’ll behave depending on your parenting.

This constant labelling of teenagers as rude, difficult and troublesome and making it out to be some kind of default setting for teenagers is just a way of excusing bad parenting.

Not all teenagers are like that because many parents actually raise them with higher expectations and parenting.

😂😂

Written with the misplaced confidence of a 14 year old who doesn't need a bedtime.

What does your 14 year old’s bed time have to do with this?

Did you not understand what I wrote?

I'm saying you sound as confident as a 14 year old explaining why they don't need a bedtime. I don't have a 14 year old, it was an analogy.

Honestly this thread could not have come at a better time for me. My son is 11 and I’m starting to see this. I know I’m going to struggle with it, but I’m trying my best to pick my battles. Lots of good advice on here. Check in with me in 6/7 years and see if I’m still sane.
n.b. I do love him very much

😂 This sounds like the kind of person who has one toddler and thinks that their parenting is the reason they sleep through/don’t tantrum/aren’t a picky eater.

We have two 14 year olds and one is lovely 95% of the time and one is lovely about 70% if the time

I expect it's mainly luck.

But things that help, I think

• lots of hobbies, including hobbies that include an element of risk and taking responsibility.

• chores linked to pocket money , and scope to earn extra for extra jobs.
• family time away so they aren't always with their friends
• doing something together each night. Even if it's just gaming together or watching TV
• phone curfews if they are struggling to put them down
• plenty of sensible food for snack as they have crazy hungry days.

If anyone can give me any hints on teenage girls though that would be much appreciated because DD hasn't even hit her teens yet and I have a feeling we are in for a bumpy ride