why is called the SCs home when it isn't?

[cardycard]

I keep seeing this scenario.

Woman with her own house. She is paying for the bills. Her DP moves in. His kids come EOW. Why do so many people say it is the SC's home?

Do where is the father's and the DC's home. If the father moved in with you, isn't it also his home (but not his house)?

The divorce rate leaves even more children in temporary accommodation when you think about it. Married couples may not remain so. It's a national scandal. Homeless children everywhere!

So my OPs logic the house my dad lives in, and has done so for 20 years, isn't his home because his wife owns it (and protected her asset when they got married)

My DC and I are homeless as we don't own the property we live in, despite having been here over 15 years. It's only temporary as the LL could ask us to leave.

Heck. I know an awful lot of homeless people!

Incidentally, DCs dad and SM always made it very clear to them that their house wasn't the DCs home. At all. They were guests. Visitors who could be asked to leave for any reason (and were)
Oddly enough, when it was decided that Saturdays were bedroom cleaning days my DC were expected to clean the bedrooms they weren't allowed to stay in in the Home that definitely wasn't there's.

It doesn't take a genius to work out how often DC see their Dad these days!

Reminds me of this classic
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4929335-how-can-my-brother-salvage-this-situation

Of course if they stay there. Why move him in. If you don't want the kids too.

Presumably the landlord or landlady would ask the parents to leave as well as the children 🙄

Took you a while 😂

It can suddenly not be the childrens home once the relationship ends so just a temporary home then.

I have to agree with the OP here. It may be harsh but I don’t think the step children staying in a house that their father lives in constitutes as a “home”. It’s a sleepover at the new gfs house.

But that’s the case if parents divorce and have to sell the family home - at that point it was also just a temporary home.

If the kids go to live with their mother in a house she buys down the street which she sells a year later and moves with them again - that turns out it was a temporary home too.

All homes that you move on from are in your definition temporary homes.

I kind of get you OP. If the father is not named on deeds or a rental agreement then he doesn't really have a "home" of his own. He is a resident, as a PP pointed out.

But I do take issue with some of the responses saying that where one lives is one's home, and automatically one's children's home. "Home" to me is more of a feeling than a place, and having been a stepchild, it can most definitely NOT be the case that your father's home is your home.

Although my father re-married (the OW) and they (presumably) had joint names on their rental, it never felt like home to my sister and me. We were guests. We perched on the edge of the sofa, were given tea in a china cup and saucer along with a dainty little sandwich, and we were talked at. It was made very clear to us by the OW that a great deal of upheaval happened to allow us to stay overnight, and there was never any suggestion that we were actually welcome, or could have or own space, or any of the things that constitute a home. We were just visiting our dad, and staying over for a couple of nights.

Dad would often say that he wanted us to think of this as our second home, but we knew instinctively that his wife didn't share that view. But guess what? It didn't bother us. We knew where home was. It was with our mum. This was just something to be endured because we were sent there due to the access order, but it was never home.

Children aren't dumb. They know the difference between a house and home, and only they can decide where "home" is.

The family home likely belonged to both of them even it was a temporary home unlike the man who moves into a woman's home and sees his children there. If they were to split, the home would not have to be sold. Huge difference.

You are deliberately missing my point. If a couple decide to live together in a permanent not temporary basis (so it’s indefinite hopefully forever - rather than come and stay for 6 weeks) then they are making a home together.

If the man in your scenario moves in with his girlfriend because they have decided to make a life together and live together - is this house the man’s home?

Is this the Dad’s home?

If it is the Dad’s home then it is also the part time home of his kids.

If it’s not the Dad’s home, where is his home? Has he been made homeless by deciding to move in with his girlfriend?

You can’t have the Dad making the house his home without the kids also making it their home if the intent to move in together was a permanent one.

In the event of my marriage breakdown I hope to own a house. It would likely be small but it would be mine.

If I were to meet a man with a bigger house and things got serious enough for us to blend families it would make more sense for us to live there. I would rent mine out or just keep it empty until we decided that I would buy a share of his property or we buy somewhere together.

In the meantime though, if someone asks me and my kids to move in then I should be allowed to call that my home and treat it as such. If not I wouldn't bother and would continue keeping a casual relationship. I wouldn't want to take a relationship to marriage though without living with them first and I wouldn't want to buy any kind of house be it new or a share without trying it first.

I would be the exact same if he moved into mine.

You’ve posted this in AIBU. I think the majority of posters are saying: Yes, YABU if you think a man’s home is not also his DC’s home when they are with him (no matter who owns the property he calls home).

Although you don’t really seem interested in listening to anyone’s perspective on this, or in clarifying what it is you’re getting at.

the place the children live EOW is their home,

But only on Planet MN. To the rest of the world, if you visit somewhere EOW, then the place you live the rest of the time (ie the majority of the time) is home

What's the difference to the kids?

It's still "This place where I lived is no longer somewhere I live". Who owns it makes no difference to them.

The father has glommed onto a woman who needs to give her head a wobble. There's nothing in that situation that says 'morality' to me.

If the father wants to consider himself a responsible father then he needs to be paying his share of the household bills, not aponging off another home owner, and he should be paying for food and clothing and entertainment for his children when they are with him too.

I'm inclined to agree.
In my own experience, my DCs all called the house we lived in after divorce - previously the marital home - "home", and it was noticeable that exH started calling it "the house" in conversation with them.

Even after we sold it and moved to am apartment, the DCs still called the apartment "home" despite exH's efforts to make "the apartment" a thing. They called his apartment where they saw him EOW "dad's apartment".

You can fool.all of the people.some of the time and you can fool some of the people all of the time, but you can't fool.all of the people all of the time.

Its not their home, they have a home with their mother. Nobody has more than one home

Because calling it "House that your Dads partner owns that you occasionally sleep in" sounds a bit long winded??! 😑

But accurate

I feel if someone cares about this, they really have bigger issues to deal with!

Please excuse my language but after all these many posts

is the house the Dad’s fucking home or not?

Lots of people have more than one home. They're called second home owners.