AIBU regarding sex

[AnonAnon135]

My husband and I have been married for 12 years and we have sex on a regular basis, probably at least 2-3 times a week on average (there are times when it's everyday, other times less than once a week). If I have had a long day, I'm tired, sore and on my period, AIBU to not have sex or give my husband a blowjob if he desires it? My husband thinks I'm being unreasonable as sex is his love language. He also thinks that despite the above, we should still be intimate because it is for both of us, not just him (even in this scenario). AIBU to think he is being unfair?

His love language is a blow job? Ha, ha.

The people who think you are being unreasonable probably think that you are unreasonable to have not left him for being so awful.

I would like to have more sex than my husband does at the moment so I guess I am someone who he thinks would like a “husband like him”. I wouldn’t though. I am really really glad I am not stuck with a man like him.

Are you sure you want to stay with him? Mumsnet is very supportive of the practicalities of leaving if you want help with that.

So romantic.... A blowjob is his love language...

Wow, he is one manipulative guy. You should be "grateful" to have a sex pest who gets pissy when he's (rarely, by the sound of it) refused?
All of what you have been saying is a big red flag that he is self-entitled and sees women as objects.

He sounds like a real prince doesn't he?

Sex is not his love language. He’s bastardising the love language teaching to control the discourse. Grim.

IOW he had no answer so he deflected.

Tell him you asked a great many other women and they unanimously responded that he's a selfish, misogynistic pig who thinks women were put on earth just to service men whether they want to or not. See what he says to that.

First, the love languages is patriarchal bullshit from a US Baptist minister.

Second, sex is not a love language. Framing it as such is coercive.

His wanting sex when you don't is because you're not feeling it is extremely selfish. He cares nothing for your pleasure, only his own.

Ask him how he likes being a coercive rapist?

Sex is not a lovely language. Physical touch is. I fulfil that for my partner by massaging moisturizer into his hands. That would be a reasonable request as opposed to a blow job...

Yeah its generally used to excuse blokes for being emotionally illiterate or expecting their other halves to behave like a tradwife.

His love language, and you should be grateful! Wow, what a selfish idiot your husband is.

Are you married to my husband?
TBH I started not wanting to have sex with him at ALL because thus type of "conversation" has happened too many times.
ETA: I'm also 41 and starting to wonder if if posted this in my sleep!

What an entitled sex pest you have on your hands there. Don’t let him get away with that emotionally manipulative bullshit about it being his love language. Tell him you asked women and they all agreed he was being an entitled pest and his love language comments border on sexual coercion. You can add that sex is not one of the love languages, physical touch is, so if that’s his love language there’s no reason why he can’t accept a cuddle and is pressuring you to suck his dick when you don’t feel like it and expecting you to act like it’s a privilege.

That’s assuming her sex drives drops during the menopause- it can go the other way.

“Sex is his love language”

uh huh how convenient. Out of interest, how much interest does he have in what you’d describe as your love language?

Ugh what a disgusting man saying women should be grateful that he wants to have sex with them 🤮

Is be tempted to tell him to fuck off and find one these women who will be grateful to be coerced into sex and he can stay there!

You know whats sexy? Consent!

Of course you shouldnt have sex if you dont want to. No is a full sentence.

Physical touch may be a love language but it's a. Not just sex. And b. Not a free pass to demand blowjobs which aren't for you btw..

He sounds a right pig. Im all for the fact you do have to put work into sex sometimes and it's important but hes getting intimacy quote frequently. If think if youre tired or poorly or on your period maybe he should focus more on your love language than his

Ohh, it’s his love language, is it?? So, you can’t contradict him, is that right??

Well, that’s mighty convenient for your husband, @AnonAnon135, i must say.

Sex is his love language, WTF. He's a manipulative dick.

What part of being “tired, sore and hormonal” doesn’t he understand?

I have a chronic pain condition. I still have regular sex with DH, but blow jobs are saved for the days that I feel my absolute best, because all that bending over and upper body movement is extremely painful when I’m already sore.

It’s not something I’d do because I’m not up to sex. Quite the opposite.

"Sex is his love language" 😂😂😂😂😂😂

You’ve done as he suggested and asked other women (well, some of the respondents might be men) - nearly 400 votes, 98% agreeing with you. I don’t think he’s going to like the outcome but if he’s got any decency at all hopefully it’ll make him have a serious rethink.
I’m not sure you should worry too much about the 2% who voted the other way.

There's very few women whose sex drive doesn't drop from peri to the end of the menopause. If there's weeks we're the OP doesn't want it now, she won't be putting up with this shit once she hasn't got the baby making hormones.

Yep. This is exactly why so many older women end up (happily) living alone with cats. They are sick of everyone’s bullshit and don’t have the oestrogen to care anymore.

Eugh!

It gets worse.