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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH sense of humour failure - do you see the issue!

99 replies

SunSeeker85 · 04/07/2025 10:24

My DH seems to have turned in to a right grumpy bugger since turning 40.

I got back from the gym yesterday where I went in the pool after - he said I hadn’t mentioned going for a swim. I jokingly replied I wasn’t planning on it but there was a football team in there so I was hoping to see some tight swimming shorts!

He sulked and said that he didn’t appreciate me joking about such things! He used to be a gym regular but barely goes now so maybe feels self conscious as he has put a bit of timber on but he knows I like that and surely anyone with a sense of humour would react to the comment the way it was intended?!

OP posts:
WrylyAmused · 04/07/2025 10:28

It's not a big deal but it's a bit of an odd reply to his comment. Depends what kind of relationship you usually have with making jokes like that.

When women post about their partners making similar comments the men get jumped on as being insensitive, so if that's the group vote in one direction, it ought to be the same in the other direction.

Wouldn't bother me personally, but people are different.

Staffling · 04/07/2025 10:29

I guess, as you said he's feeling insecure. When I was in my twenties that comment would have upset me though now it wouldn't bother me at all. I'm not sure if I'd laugh thougj because it isn't that funny and if a man said it I'd find it a bit sleazy.

Eigher way, i think, neither of you did anything terrible. now that you know comments like that will make him feel bad about himself just stop making them.

araiwa · 04/07/2025 10:30

I wasn't gonna go for a swim but the local university womens volleyball team were there and I was hoping to see some tiny bikinis

Why isn't my wife laughing?

🙄

ByMerryTiger · 04/07/2025 10:30

Why would you need to mention going for a swim? The whole conversation is odd. On both sides.

MemorableTrenchcoat · 04/07/2025 10:31

When women post about their male partners making such comments, the responses range from “disgusting!” to “LTB!”

Hecatoncheires · 04/07/2025 10:32

OP, I understand that you were making a joke - I find it quite amusing! Maybe on a different day he would have laughed it off. But leaving aside the joke, how did you react to his reaction? If you apologised and said you didn't mean to hurt his feelings then all should be well. If you doubled-down and believe it all to be him being a grumpypuss then that's not so good. There are things that I would have laughed at in my younger day that my DH jokes about nowadays. It's not the joke itself that bugs me but if he doesn't see my point of view then that really pisses me off.

araiwa · 04/07/2025 10:35

MemorableTrenchcoat · 04/07/2025 10:31

When women post about their male partners making such comments, the responses range from “disgusting!” to “LTB!”

You forgot misogyny, pervert, woman hater

And it's only a joke if the other person finds it funny

Benefitbettyquestion · 04/07/2025 10:35

I wouldn't like it if my husband made the equivalent comment. I'd find it a bit pervy, unnecessary and hurtful.

MyUmberSeal · 04/07/2025 10:36

MemorableTrenchcoat · 04/07/2025 10:31

When women post about their male partners making such comments, the responses range from “disgusting!” to “LTB!”

This exactly.

Husband comes home from gym and tell wife he went for a swim afterwards. Wife replies ‘oh I didn’t know you were going to swim’, husband replies.. ‘I was hoping to see loads of women in their tight bikinis’.

Whatever way round it is, I don’t find either offensive, but the double standards on this forum sometimes are mad.

MakingPlans2025 · 04/07/2025 10:38

araiwa · 04/07/2025 10:30

I wasn't gonna go for a swim but the local university womens volleyball team were there and I was hoping to see some tiny bikinis

Why isn't my wife laughing?

🙄

This. If his was the other way around everyone would be down on the guy like a ton of bricks.
he’s just turned 40. He’s grumpy and feeling shit about putting weight on. You were insensitive.

AprilShowers25 · 04/07/2025 10:40

Sounds like a reverse to me

CloverPyramid · 04/07/2025 10:44

ByMerryTiger · 04/07/2025 10:30

Why would you need to mention going for a swim? The whole conversation is odd. On both sides.

I don’t see how it’s odd to simply say “oh, you didnt mention you were going swimming too”. It doesn’t mean they “needed” to tell you, it’s just an observation as small talk.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 04/07/2025 10:46

What a bizarre response from you Hmm

BabyDoge · 04/07/2025 10:46

It wouldn't bother me, but if the sexes were reversed you'd be getting told to LTB.

Devilsmommy · 04/07/2025 10:48

I suppose it depends on what you're usually like together. This is the kind of thing me and my DH would both laugh at but if you're not usually like that then I guess it's understandable from his pov. If it's because he's all of a sudden feeling insecure then tell him to stop moping about it and do something to change it if he's so bothered

Alaboutme · 04/07/2025 10:49

MemorableTrenchcoat · 04/07/2025 10:31

When women post about their male partners making such comments, the responses range from “disgusting!” to “LTB!”

I was about to say this too.
I read not long ago about a similar thing.
The op was told how disgusting her husband was for say such things.
Because he said some other woman are also attractive.

JustAnInchident · 04/07/2025 10:50

Benefitbettyquestion · 04/07/2025 10:35

I wouldn't like it if my husband made the equivalent comment. I'd find it a bit pervy, unnecessary and hurtful.

Sorry op, but I’d feel the same, especially if I had been feeling a bit insecure at the time.

Cucy · 04/07/2025 11:00

This personally wouldn’t bother me at all, I would have found it funny.

But there was a thread about a man saying similar and the replies were pretty one sided that he was definitely in the wrong.

So perhaps apologise and be a bit more sensitive going forward.
He’s likely feeling a bit insecure and inadequate and now you know, you’ll know not to make these sorts of comments in the future.

ginasevern · 04/07/2025 11:01

If a bloke had said he was late home because the pool was full of fit young women in thongs, I don't think too many wives would be doubled over laughing. Especially if they weren't particularly fit and young themselves. But it depends. If this is the standard sort of humour in your house, then I guess he's feeling insecure about his own body. The difference is that a woman would be most likely really just joking about the football team, whereas a man would be genuinely hanging around to perv.

WhispersOfSure · 04/07/2025 11:04

MyUmberSeal · 04/07/2025 10:36

This exactly.

Husband comes home from gym and tell wife he went for a swim afterwards. Wife replies ‘oh I didn’t know you were going to swim’, husband replies.. ‘I was hoping to see loads of women in their tight bikinis’.

Whatever way round it is, I don’t find either offensive, but the double standards on this forum sometimes are mad.

Show quote history

Where are the double standards? The poll is not in the OP's favour and no one has said her comment is fine, unless they have also said it would be fine for her husband to say the same. So no double standards are in evidence? People think she's being unreasonable.

RepoTheGeriatricOpera · 04/07/2025 11:06

You were in the wrong here.

Joking about perving on other men while your husband is feeling self conscious isn't funny.

Megifer · 04/07/2025 11:13

Depends if this is the sort of stuff you both would normally joke about, and hes suddenly changed then I can see why youre a bit WTF about it and hes being a bit over sensitive especially if hes not made it obvious he might be feeling a bit self conscious.

My DP has certainly become miserable as hes got older which is challenging.

DonnaBanana · 04/07/2025 11:16

It depends on the people. My mum used to ask my dad what he wanted from the shop and he used to joke the 18 year old girl off the till please, and they both got the joke and didn’t care and she made just as many crude jokes the other way too. But for some people that would be highly offensive. You need to calibrate yourselves and work out what your sense of humour is as a couple.

ManchesterGirl2 · 04/07/2025 11:17

Personally I can see his point. I guess it depends on the usual topics of banter in your relationship. But I get why he's not enjoying the image of you perving at other men.

ChandrilanDiscoDroid · 04/07/2025 11:18

Well it wouldn't bother me, but DH and I are both bi and it's normal for us to talk about men and women one of us finds hot. But your DH clearly didn't appreciate it, so apologise for being insensitive and don't do it again. (Without apologising for not telling him you were going to swim.)