Young staff at work

[partyetiquette]

Hello this is a bit of a moan really , can't really talk about it in actual work as it wouldn't be my place to do so.
Each year, we have a set of new trainees, they are with us for between 3 and 7 months depending on their training. This last batch have been here 6 months. They are between 22 and 28. There are a team of 2 staff who look after them. These two have worked solidly for all of them for 6 months. They have also organised extra things for the trainees like birthday cakes etc A big part of their training is 'soft skills' as we do a lot of client work. The mentors have been unanimously good, professional etc. Our trainees left last week and not one of the 6 trainees gave their mentors a card, or a gift or even a nice email. The two mentors were quite inward about it and started to think maybe the trainees has been unhappy etc
Yesterday, we had a site visit from an equivalent company, the mentors there said the same!
Has this sort of normal niceties gone out of work?

It's this kind of experience which feeds the stereotype of young people being self-obsessed, thinking they're special and need lauding for just turning up. Where I work there's a clique of younger workers whose behaviour is loud, foul-mouthed and frankly unprofessional. At least they weren't those things.

You said yourself the trainees are learning soft skills. They obviously haven't learned gratitude or manners yet

I hire countless interns and have never received a thank you card from any of them. I have not given it much thought.

One view could be that it’s quite transactional - they are there working, being paid to do a job - so an additional thank you beyond what is said verbally to those people isn’t strictly necessary? It’s not like the trainers were doing them a favour - it’s everyone’s job?

I would find it very odd to get a gift from any of them.

I place students for placements and the vast majority give their mentor a card and small gift. It's lovely to feel appreciated and thanked for your support. I can see how people would worry that the experience hadn't been good if they weren't acknowledged tbh 😊

My daughter 23, is training to be a teacher, just finished final placement, has given her mentor and subject lead a card and flowers, and left a couple of tubs of chocolates - one in the admin office and one in the subject staffroom. (She did similar at end of first placement)
So not all young people are like that.

One of my children did a couple of weeks work experience in a ‘naice’ office in London. At the end of his time I asked him to take some chocolates in for the 2 people who had been looking after him. They had gone to a lot of effort. He was away from home so chose him themself from M&S. They were absolutely delighted. He was so surprised at their reaction, that I would hope he would do the same again without me asking,

Our student nurses are often quite young and we always get at least a card.
We know that they’ve had a good placement well before they leave because we check in throughout and they are valued in the team. A card is nice but knowing that they have enjoyed their time with us and learned a lot is nicer !

Maybe they needed someone - not their mentors - to tell them that it is a gesture of respect & gratitude to do something to tank their mentors.

I teach undergrads and I know they've come through an education system that pushes them in exams, but also treats them as if they're doing us a favour being there. It's an odd combination, and one of the consequences is that they don't realise what a privilege it is to be taught. We rarely pull them up on their occasions of rudeness and entitlement (I had a student once tell me she needed to talk to me about my teaching style ... obviously, my style was wrong! <grin> )

They probably took their mentors' care & kindness absolutely for granted because that's the way their education has worked - hard work, but a lot of praise (sometimes too much, frankly). No-one has told them they need to say thank you.

Of course, this isn't all undergrads & trainees! Some of them do say thank you, give cards etc etc. But a lot of them just sail on in the obliviousness of youth!

It's not clear if the training is part of those people's jobs. I don't get a card or flowers for doing my job!

A bit of gratitude would be nice though.

I get a wage for doing my job. I don't expect cards and flowers from people for doing my job.

Absolutely ludicrous that adults are getting upset about other adults not giving them cards and flowers and treats. Jesus.

I think it depends on a couple of other factors E.g did the mentors do this work in addition to their usual role, or is being a mentor their entire role? Also if the trainees are fairly paid. This may not be the case for your organisation, but in some trainees are just low paid workers the company get away with paying little.

Regardless, it sounds like having an exit interview style meeting at the end of their training would be good, so they can give feedback and it may be a more natural way for them to express gratitude

I think a card or gift would be a bit odd to expect. But then I think you organising birthday cakes for them is also a bit odd - it’s a bit infantilising and non-professional. A nice email from them would be good, though.

Expectations around this sort of thing can be massively gendered. Be honest with yourself: are you put out that the women didn’t arrange anything when you wouldn’t really have expected anything from the men?

I look back at some of the things I did in my twenties and cringe. I worked in an office and I didn’t pick up that they had a tradition of brining buns on your own birthday. So I didn’t, I didn’t realise they bought each other Christmas gifts so I came in on the last day before Christmas to a desk full of little gifts and I didn’t buy anyone anything!

I do think this will get worse with WFH. People aren’t spending nearly enough time together to pick up the soft skills, and the unwritten corporate norms.

And, of course, some people are just rude and that will never change!

My DD did 2 work placements for her college course. Followed each one up with a thank you email. Costs nothing to be polite.

Bloody hell.

where I work we have a variety of different ages and background. Vast majority doesn’t organise cards / presents. Not for training, not for birthdays, mat leaves, retirements, leaving gifts. It’s always the same two people who just have this natural drive to show gestures. It’s not because they’re young, it’s because perhaps it’s their first job and they’re not embedded in the ‘culture’ yet, or because their whole placement they’ve been made to feel like ‘trainees on a temporary contract soon to be gone anyway so not part of the team’. I think it’s an awful generalisation of ‘young people’.

This has always been the experience and part of the training is how to thank clients etc

No definitely not an 'all young people' thing

Yes I think this is probably closest to the mark

When I was doing my placement I had a milestone birthday, it was lovely that my mentor and the team marked it for me in the same way they would for anyone else. Not at all patronising and helped me feel a worthwhile presence despite the fact I was training and so needed support from the team.

And yes I did give my mentor a card and flowers and bought cakes for the team. Being in placement is not just about learning the job, it’s learning how to work with others and learning team culture.

Massive mis reading of the tone of the post
No one was over upset.
Also, acts of thanks and gratitude are normal in workplaces, whether you personally expect them or not

No not at all, it's a nice culture thing in our workplace that everyone likes

A thank you email would be polite. Expecting cards and gifts is odd though.

Not at all

I think there is a cohort for whom COVID lockdowns completely stunted social development (now around 23-27) and this sort of thing is a great example.
During recruitment processes we also see this cohort needing more support and guidance than any previously (and interestingly, more than those who are younger, say 18 and looking for apprenticeships).