Young staff at work

[partyetiquette]

Hello this is a bit of a moan really , can't really talk about it in actual work as it wouldn't be my place to do so.
Each year, we have a set of new trainees, they are with us for between 3 and 7 months depending on their training. This last batch have been here 6 months. They are between 22 and 28. There are a team of 2 staff who look after them. These two have worked solidly for all of them for 6 months. They have also organised extra things for the trainees like birthday cakes etc A big part of their training is 'soft skills' as we do a lot of client work. The mentors have been unanimously good, professional etc. Our trainees left last week and not one of the 6 trainees gave their mentors a card, or a gift or even a nice email. The two mentors were quite inward about it and started to think maybe the trainees has been unhappy etc
Yesterday, we had a site visit from an equivalent company, the mentors there said the same!
Has this sort of normal niceties gone out of work?

But you’re almost saying that because someone organised a birthday cake for one of them, they now need to repay with a thank you cake. So it’s not a selfless act… does a verbal thank you not suffice? You need a physical item to feel gratitude?

I think cards are less common than they were - I don't send them at all.

I think you clearly have rigid expectations that these trainees should have thanked the mentors and consider that they have failed in not doing so.

If the trainees have worked hard, been polite and professional throughout their training period then that is enough.

If you teach and mentor people as a job, then it is usually because you enjoy seeing the development of those people, not because you expect gratitude in addition to your pay.

I think the trainers need to keep it professional and stop with birthday cakes/extras.

I work with early careers students of the same age - at the end of the training period the more switched on ones will send a nice email and often do a thank you on LinkedIn. I might start mentioning remembering to show appreciation as part of the soft skills work I do with them. On the whole they are nice to work with and don't fit the 'entitled ' stereotype.

Reading this thread reminds me how different workplaces can be. My previous in person office went heavily on all this - managers got automated emails from the HR system reminding them of upcoming birthdays, there’d be a PowerPoint circulated for everyone to ‘sign’, cake in the kitchen, gift card for your work anniversary, meal out for your promotion, personal budget for ‘treating’ your team etc. In my current role which is remote I still try and carry this kind of vibe through my team, and it always seems appreciated.

Ultimately regardless of if you think it’s appropriate, it sounds like that’s the culture in OPs workplace and yes - it’s a little tone deaf not to arrange something for the people training you for 6 months, when that’s the norm - ESPECIALLY if you’re being taught to do the same with clients.

DS (Year 12) is finishing a week's work experience today and has taken in some cakey bits for the team. I suggested he also give his mentor a thank-you card, but he said he felt a bit awkward and OTT doing that so we've compromised that he will verbally give him an effusive thank you (explaining how helpful the experience has been etc) and then next week send a more formal thank you email (I would hope this is something his school will make him do anyway) copying in his mentor's boss.

But I guess though there comes an age when these young people don't have a pushy parent like me telling them to do stuff like this. I would like to think my DS would now know to do this at placements in the future but....

Absolutely not appropriate in my view - a thank you, yes of course. But gifts should always flow downwards (i.e. from senior to junior), not the other way around. Inappropriate to expect junior people to buy their seniors gifts and if young people are pushing back on it in your industry then good for them. Progress.

I think it is very dependent on the type of work environment. We get work placement people sometimes at my work and generally they just leave a box of sweets for all staff.

but we also employ trainees. Mentoring them is part of the job, so no need for thank you cards etc.

Gosh, I’d hate to work with those people who can’t stop for a moment to celebrate a colleagues birthday!

Blimey!

At my last place of work, admittedly a small company, they made a fuss for everybody's birthday. Usually cake and always a present from management. Sometimes we even used to go out for lunch.

Even during lockdown, when we were working from home, I got a present delivered to me on my birthday. A lovely hamper actually.

I’m of the gift down school. So I wouldn’t expect someone low paid to gift something to someone higher up. But a thank you email would be nice.

Yes an email or a card, some acknowledgement really, doesn't have to be a gift of course

Yes but I think an acknowledgement email or card is pretty normal

I've had interns since 2018. I'm thankful if they turn up on time, every day, don't throw sickies and get on with what they're asked without complaint or backchat. A chat to thank them on their last day is enough and the promise of references. I don't expect them to send cards or gifts but a thank you email is lovely. Those tend to be sent by the best interns who you know will do well and have little trouble getting permanent jobs.

We used to send everyone a birthday card signed by everyone. When the department was less lean and before half the team worked from home for half the week, it was lovely. Now we are very lean, it's another chore. It's regrettable it's become a chore, but it just has. Cakes died years ago - partly because everyone wants to be healthy and somehow a bowl of strawberries doesn't give the same bang.

I have never ever worked anywhere where birthdays were not acknowledged, card circulating, someone bringing in a cake/sweets etc. I would say that's the norm wherever you work and no need for bloody GDPR as OP says if it's a nice place, people do talk not like on MN where you can't possibly have a colleague that you also consider a friend.

Birthdays can be really tricky. Not everyone enjoys them. I hate my birthday and would rather it just goes past unnoticed.

buying cake can in itself be problematic. For example I'm now diabetic but only a few people know that at work Same with hampers - food allergies/religious restrictions etc

I wouldn't think to send a card or gift to my trainer at work. If just take it that they were doing their job and the fact I passed the training was reward enough for them.

I mean if I got on really well with them I'd probably want to be friends and would go for drinks and stuff with them already.

So I doubt they'd think I was ungrateful as I'd be proactive in socialising with them if they were that type of person.

But cards and gifts wouldn't really be something I'd think of. Not for a senior who's on a much higher salary than me.

An email is, yes. Not really necessary if they've been thanked verbally, but useful for appraisals if needed.

A card, no. It's still expecting a junior person on a lower wage to shell out money for their senior. It doesn't matter about the amount.

You obviously raised your daughter well….very often a persons behaviour is down to parenting. Thank you for raising a kind, well mannered, considerate human!

I could have written this myself! I work in a very competitive industry where we have about 500 applications for 12 'internships' (we don't call them internships at our company but that is ultimately what they are).
The past 3 years or so we have been really surprised at the lack of "gratitude" I guess. We offer a huge amount of support to our trainees, sometimes outside of our working hours, to support them with all sorts of professional things (from references, to job applications and interview prep for other roles within our organisation etc) and only one in the past 3 years has even thought of saying 'thank you', let alone giving a card or gift.
It's actually become a huge problem for us as we now have less people who'll help our interns because the ones over the past few years have been so rude and ungrateful.
I think the theory about covid above is interesting as it's something we've really noticed since the lockdowns, but I also think parents have a big role as well, and these young people (most are between 18-25, though some are a little older) have been so infantilised that it doesn't even occur to them to think for themselves and show some thanks to someone who's helped them personally.

Is the training above and beyond their normal role?

I personally wouldn't expect or send gifts/chocolate/flowers in my place of work. I always think things like this always fall to the women to organise and it's unpaid and unrecognised labour and the gift stuff sounds more common in caring roles/teacher/nurses.

I understand it's nice to be nice, but at what cost, but if it's just nipping out and getting a card, cake whatever it is, why do men not do it?

Where as in my office I don't think anyone cares, we send an e-card round for birthday's etc.

Thank you for getting it!

That's a shame.

Dh used to do this sort of mentoring and the trainees did give thank you cards, and presents at the end of the year. We've still got a personalised mug that came from one of his trainees.
Thinking about it probably the girls made more effort than the blokes. Are they mainly lads?

@partyetiquette it's not age related.

These things have just completely gone out of the window.

and on here you'll probably get a bunch of people saying how relieved they are that it's gone out the window.

An email , or a public linked in post would be normal in my industry

I think maybe this is generational. I’m 30 so not much older than your trainees and while a card or gift is nice why would you do it for someone who’s paid to train you? Like that’s their actual job… they didn’t do the trainees a favour.