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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you have a favourite child?

118 replies

outlanderish · 03/07/2025 22:42

Settling a debate with DP. He's convinced you can have a favourite child. What's your verdict?

OP posts:
ExercicenformedeZ · 04/07/2025 09:25

Many, if not most parents have favourites.

Nevernottrying · 04/07/2025 09:25

If you’re already thinking it’s normal to have a favorite, you shouldn’t be having children at all. Get a dog.

Dramatic · 04/07/2025 09:26

I have 4 kids and they're all my favourite for different reasons, my eldest is an adult and she's so witty and is like my mini best friend, we can talk and laugh for hours. My second is 14 and is just the most loveable sweet person, it would be hard not to love her, she has the best laugh. My third is 13 and is an absolute force of nature, she throws herself in to everything and is fiercely loyal and loving. My youngest is 5 and is my baby, absolutely hilarious and just so kind and cute. They all also drive me mad in equal measure so that's fair too 😂. I can't imagine having an actual favourite.

MrsSkylerWhite · 04/07/2025 09:26

Favourite, absolutely not. One I still feel responsible for, yes simply because they are the youngest and haven’t yet flown the nest. We are helping them to do that at the moment. Time for the apron strings to be cut.

The eldest, a wonderful woman with a child of her own graciously understands the additional support we are giving to her sibling. (Big age gap)

ExercicenformedeZ · 04/07/2025 09:28

Nevernottrying · 04/07/2025 09:25

If you’re already thinking it’s normal to have a favorite, you shouldn’t be having children at all. Get a dog.

Or just have one. There is no need to have more than one child.

CountryVic · 04/07/2025 09:29

I read that the oldest is the mothers favourite, and the youngest the fathers favourite. I know my parents love us all equally but im the youngest and definitely my dad’s favourite child, I tell my sister all the time, she’s stuck with mum 😄

TheSwarm · 04/07/2025 09:30

My eldest brother was and still is so clearly my parent's favourite, and it damaged my relationship with them so badly as a kid. The sun literally shone out of his arse regardless of what he did.

Parent's will of course have different relationships with their kids, but to blatently prefer one over the other is a dick move of the highest order.

thesugarbumfairy · 04/07/2025 09:31

Yeah. Whichever is doing my head in the least!
I have two. They are like chalk and cheese.
DS2 is MUCH easier on a day to day basis. Loves life. Easygoing. Wants to do stuff all the time. I go to gigs and stuff with him. He rarely complains. But he is a lazy, outrageously messy little b*gger and gets through money like water.
DS1 is autistic and can be extremely hard work, but he also does tasks that I ask him to do (not when I ask him - they get done in 'his' time!) , he is tidy, can have a nice long interesting conversation (when he wants to - I generally have to drop everything when he starts speaking as it doesn't happen that often), comes for walks with me, and can be extremely thoughtful and protective about me - I know he puts effort into this as it doesn't come naturally which makes me appreciate it more.

Dramatic · 04/07/2025 09:31

heatdeath · 04/07/2025 09:22

"But I also think most people secretly have a child they are especially drawn to/ charmed by over the others."

I see people say things like this & honestly can't relate at all. I have four (adult down to younger teen) and the idea of having a favourite is just bizarre to me - mine are all so very different from one another they all delight, amuse and concern me in different ways. It would be impossible to say I liked one of them more, or found one of them easier or more charming or whatnot.

I tend to think the "oh everyone has a favourite but just won't admit it!" is something people say to makes themselves feel better!

Yeah I agree, it just simply isn't the case for me. I genuinely love them all the same, I couldn't even pick one that I'm closest to really. They all think they are my favourite so I obviously make them feel like that independently from one another.

ComtesseDeSpair · 04/07/2025 09:35

HedgehogOnTheBike · 04/07/2025 09:14

I lavish love, affection, affirmation on all of them but apparently I say it through my eyes/ tone of voice when with my one child. That's what all of them told me one day.

I had to really consider that because I don't think I do have a favourite and was quite hurt and offended they thought so, but I do think the particular child is the least hard work so im always pleased they arrive with no stress.

I don’t think this is unusual or unfair. As adults, we all need to own our behaviour and how it impacts on our relationships with others: if you’re always only showing up to Mum’s house wanting something, causing her stress, never asking about her life because you want to moan about yours etc, even Mum who loves you isn’t going to respond to you or look forward to your visits the same way as she does your sibling who is thoughtful, helpful, and treats her like a human and not just Mum who’s there to take whatever you throw at her.

SteakBakesAndHotTakes · 04/07/2025 09:37

I love them all equally. I might feel more protective of one at one time, or more affectionate, but I do love them all the same.

Finaly · 04/07/2025 09:38

outlanderish · 03/07/2025 23:00

No, we have no children as of yet. My POV is you love them the same but will have different bonds. He's under the impression everyone has a favourite child but will never admit it, so wanted opinions from fellow parents!

Show quote history

I think that's correct, I love them both the same but have 'favourites' for doing certain things with. One DD is great to chill with as she can just 'be' while the other likes to natter, which is great if you are in a chatty mood too. One is great to go shopping with and likes to zoom about finding things she thinks would suit you and the other isn't bothered at all. One has similar music tastes to me, the other shares a different interest. I enjoy being around them both equally though and I tell them he dog is my favourite child.

HP07 · 04/07/2025 09:43

No I don’t have a favourite. I say to mine you are my favourite little girl or boy as I have one of each 🤣.
I probably have more in common with one than the other but I absolutely love them both equally.
On a side note though I’m pretty sure they both have a favourite parent 🤣

RedBeech · 04/07/2025 09:45

I think you can go through phases of being more connected with one child than another. I often have, but it changes from one to the other over time. I definitely love them both equally.

FlyingUnicornWings · 04/07/2025 09:48

Definitely love them both so much it hurts.

The cats though, I do have a favourite but don’t tell the other one (not that she’ll mind, she doesn’t care for me at all, she’s too in love with my husband!)

BlackCatGreyWhiskers · 04/07/2025 09:50

Yes it’s the cat 🐈‍⬛

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 04/07/2025 09:50

No, not favourite. I do have one who is a lot of fun to be around.

Sdpbody · 04/07/2025 09:50

I love my children equally, but my youngest annoys me the most.

LimitedBrightSpots · 04/07/2025 09:52

My favourite is the one who's not asking the question.

CatBooksWineInThatOrder · 04/07/2025 09:54

As my mother’s second favourite child, you absolutely can have a favourite child. But it’s a vile thing to do and it has life long consequences.

Igotupagain · 04/07/2025 09:56

I love them equally but I have a favourite child for different activities. One loves to experiment with new foods so is my favourite to take out to restaurants. One likes chicken nuggets 🤔 a bit too much.
One DC loves to hike, the other hates it so my favourite walking partner dc is obvious. And so on.

Jewel52 · 04/07/2025 09:56

Nevernottrying · 04/07/2025 09:25

If you’re already thinking it’s normal to have a favorite, you shouldn’t be having children at all. Get a dog.

This is so over the top and simplistic. I would imagine they were having a relaxed warm conversation around potential parenting issues. I have 3 DS and am frequently asked whether I have a favourable and don’t launch into a tirade against the unfairness of the question. Like others on here, that shifts demanding on their behaviours.

Perfect equality in parenting is obviously the target but most of us stay slightly off aim.

abracadabra1980 · 04/07/2025 09:59

Profpudding · 03/07/2025 22:48

Honestly, I can’t stand any of them

🤣

Catsandcannedbeans · 04/07/2025 10:09

Not a favourite as such, but I find DD6 easier to calm down than DS3 (he will be 4 next week). It works out well though because DH is better with DS and struggles a bit with DD. At the moment DS is biting so I’m not loving that, but my mum said I was a biter so this is my comeuppance… he isn’t biting other kids though… just me and his dad.

They are very different children, DD is strong willed, can be cheeky, confident, and very clever (bordering on sneaky sometimes), but she always stands up for other people. She gets in trouble, but not really for being unkind it’s mostly for being loud and boisterous. Obviously she has her unkind moments, but no more than any child. Her dad can find this difficult but, I feel like I understand because she is exactly like I was at that age. My mum, dad, and older siblings have all said. My DN (now 17) was also like this (and I looked after her a lot, she still stays at our house often).

DS is shy and sensitive, can be very cautious and sometimes needs a lot of encouragement to do things he is afraid of. I think going to school will help him a lot, because he’s already improving at nursery. He is very kind and well behaved though (biting aside), his nursery teacher also had DD so I think she was relieved. The thing I love the most about him (and the reason I’m not worried about him in the long run) is he loves to learn. Dinosaurs, planes, cars, numbers… he’s obsessed and he’s always wanting to know more.

I am currently pregnant with my third (a DD) who has made me horrifically morning sick, so she’s on track to be least favourite.

Caramelty · 04/07/2025 10:09

I truly don’t, I couldn’t. I adore them both, utterly and wholeheartedly. I’m similar to dd so we sometimes clash (can both be sarky and unreasonable) but when it blows over we get on brilliantly -she has my sense of humour, she’s clever and talented and fun. Last night she tackled me trying to steal my vitamin C serum and we ended up chasing each other round the house and giggling like crazy people.

My son is simply beautiful to look at - he has the best smile I’ve ever seen and resembles my dh. He is so very different to me - and it’s fascinating to watch him grow up. He’s chivalrous and brave and determined. He is dexterous and curious and adventurous.

Obviously I have days when I get exasperated and can’t remember why I like either of them for a few minutes, but it never lasts. Impossible to choose a favourite.