Should a 5 year old be allowed out alone?

[bigyellowtaxi]

Am a regular but have namechanged...

Have I been unreasonable? Something happened this morning that I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable about - and I'm not sure what to do next.
My DD was at a party this morning, and after, as we were driving away I saw one of her classmates (a boy, age 5) walking away from the party, he was probably 200 metres away from the party venue when I saw him. My first thought was that he had wondered away somehow without waiting for a parent to collect him, also he is new to the area so that increased my concern.
I stopped the car and got out to ask him if he was OK (he knows who I am), he said that he was, and that his mum had said it was OK for him to walk home alone. I asked him where he lived and he pointed to a nearby block of flats. So I watched him go in though the main front door, left and went home.

After I came home I was speaking to a friend, and she was horrified and thinks I should tell social work, if not them then the school, and if not the school then speak to the mum about it directly.

So my questions are:
Was I unreasonable to stop and speak to the boy - should I have maybe kept out of it? - I wasnt the first parent who had gone past him on the way home. Or was I unreasonable to have let him go from me? I half considered walking with him back to his front door.

Also what should I do now? My instinct is to do nothing. I think that it is unusual to let a 5 year old out in that way ( I have never seen any children that young out on there own before), but maybe not so unusual I should do anything about it. I think Social work would be a total overreaction, I'm not sure what it has to do with the school, and I cant see anything good coming out of a chat to the mother.

What would you have done? and what would you do now?

'I wouldn't let a 7 yr out alone as i see no need for it at all really. What does a 7 yr old need to do without a parent anyway?'

I quote from one of the early pages. I think it is essential that a 7 year old does all sorts of things without a parent.

I still see no need at all for it, as i said i drive mine to places so they can do things, but with a 7 yr old i would stay in the area.

Please do not presume to be able to comment on independence for a disabled child, unless you directly have one yourself. And if that is the case, you will know first hand what an umbrella term 'disabled' is and how sn varies tremendously.

Gosh, I don't know how my parents coped - I lived in the countryside when I was younger and disappeared with my friends at 8am and played all day in the holidays. The rule was as long as I went home when it started to get dark, that was fine! There were no mobile phones to keep in contact but these days as soon as DS is able to go out further afield on his own, I would like him to have a mobile to keep in touch with me a bit easier.

Was wondering what others make of this situation - my DS is 5 (nearly 6) and as a single mum, if we go out and he needs the toilet, I allow him to use the men's facilities. I used to insist he came with me but he is now at an age where he is very self conscious about having to go into a ladies toilet.

I always wait outside the Gent's, but recently I paniced as there had been a que and he'd been in there for ages.

It's sad that there is a risk of bad things happening even when you're standing right outside the door waiting for them, but I agree with other posters who say it is better to give them a bit of freedom and to learn to trust them and trust others, or when do you set them free with the knowledge that they can look after themselves.

Gosh, I don't know how my parents coped - I lived in the countryside when I was younger and disappeared with my friends at 8am and played all day in the holidays. The rule was as long as I went home when it started to get dark, that was fine! There were no mobile phones to keep in contact but these days as soon as DS is able to go out further afield on his own, I would like him to have a mobile to keep in touch with me a bit easier.

Was wondering what others make of this situation - my DS is 5 (nearly 6) and as a single mum, if we go out and he needs the toilet, I allow him to use the men's facilities. I used to insist he came with me but he is now at an age where he is very self conscious about having to go into a ladies toilet.

I always wait outside the Gent's, but recently I paniced as there had been a que and he'd been in there for ages.

It's sad that there is a risk of bad things happening even when you're standing right outside the door waiting for them, but I agree with other posters who say it is better to give them a bit of freedom and to learn to trust them and trust others, or when do you set them free with the knowledge that they can look after themselves.

I don't have one myself but I have friends, one with a DS with cerebral palsy, and have always been impressed with the things he can manage. I have also taught children with disabilities, they have been in a normal classroom and have tried to fit in with whatever we were doing.I wouldn't presume to comment on what your DS should or shouldn't do but I find it worrying that you can't understand why a 7 yr old needs freedom from his Mum.

my kids went down the mine working for threpence at 5

...and they made you your fortune Custy didn't they?

Let me assure you that a friend's child having cp and having a child with it yourself,is a TOTALLY different thing. Cerebral Palsy is just a name for a disability that can mean so many different things. And frankly,i find it patronising that you are 'impressed' with what your friend's disabled child can do and what he can 'manage'

Teaching children with disabilities is no comparison at all i assure you. Clearly you do not comprehend how using the word 'normal' in relation to sn is very insulting. All classrooms are normal to the children in them, whether mainstream or otherwise.

MABS last post is not fair to AbbeyA.

I used to live near a very posh middle class village where, only, the other day a 9 year was a victim of an attempted abduction. He was walking ho,me from school alone, incidentally this is where Gary Glitter used to live. In an age where we know what can happen I can't see why you would need to take risks with a child's safety.
I cannot imagine why a 7 year old needs independence that involves a trip to the shop alone, quite ridiculous. Independence could be fixing and solving problems playing in the park whilst your parent occupies a bench.

Thank you Posie, that is exactly what i have been saying, very sad for that poor 9 yr old.

Oblomov - I assure you it is entirely fair to me, using the word 'normal' and talking about knowing someone with sn and independence, is very different to the reality of being a parent to a disabled child

Oblomov bollocks is it.
cp has a large scale. what mabs asaid is tottally true. and yeas I ahve a child with cp. I didn't just meet one once. or teach one.

I will keep off saying anything about your DS then MABS as it is upsetting you, thanks for your support Oblomov. I am fully aware that cerberal palsy covers a whole range. As it happens the boy in question was a child I had a lot to do with, he was my DSs best friend before we moved. He spent a lot of time with us and away from his mother. Disabilites do not exempt a DC from being given some level of independence although a severe disability limits the independence.I don't see how it is patronising to say that I was impressed! I was impressed, his swimming ability for example was far superior to my DSs swimming ability. (Surely you are allowed to be impressed that someone can lifesave when one side of their body doesn't operate properly).
I still say that every 7 yr old needs to do things without a parent hovering. Taking a letter to a post box is a perfectly safe thing to do.

Independence is not solving and fixing problems while your parent sits on a park bench!!!

I am not upset I assure you, bloody livid that you think knowing a child with CP has any comparison at all with being a parent to one.

If you did have a child with cp, you would relate entirely with what i say about the word 'impressed' sounding very patronising. As you do not, then you cannot.

No, apparently independence can only be achieved if your parents give you responsibility for your own safety at a very low age? What a load of shit.
Taking a letter is not a 'perfectly safe thing to do', it could be the time that the teen that's just passed his test drives at 50 miles an hour down the road that's in a 30 zone, it could be the day the molester decides he'd like to abduct someone, it could be the day the a gang of local youths think it's funny to pick on a small child, it could be the day your child doesn't return.
My children can cross the road at 5 & 6, does it mean I allow them to do it without me looking to check? No. They can walk ahead and are trusted to stop at the road but only as far as I can see.
MABS, maybe your older daughter could have a little independence and probably does when it's viable, but she probably doesn't want to mix with the local kids and they have eachother and are not interested in her either. I just get the feeling from this that many of the people posting live on estates (I may be wrong) where the local shop is just at the end of the road and so wouldn't really understnd your situation.

Thanks Posie

Good grief-I give up!!
I do not live on an estate. I don't have a shop at the end of the road.
I do believe that you have to gradually give your DC independence. No wonder people post on here saying that their mother won't let go and they are 34 yrs old!
My eldest DS had to manage at University in a large town 170 miles from home-he did it because by that time he was fully independent. I let him post a letter before he was 14yrs old!
I shall keep quiet from now on.

My ds is nearly 12, he is profoundly deaf has adhd and learning difficulties, i have found it very hard to let him have his independence... I live in a small village and he is a weekly boarder at a school for deaf children. I am very lucky as i have the support of the whole village with ds, when i am going to try a new strategy i advise the village what is going to happen via our parish magazine. He can now go halfway to the shop on his own i walk the first part with him, he has a badge which i have made that says "mummy knows where i am" on one side and my home and mobile on the other side, if people see him out without it they then know to bring him home, things like going to the park have to be planned carefully too, if he went round the corner of our road onto the road where the park is he has to cross the road twice till hes facing the entrance to the park because if he stayed on the right hand side he would have to step out into the road to turn into the drive of the park and wouldnt hear cars coming. It certainly isnt easy but with the support of our wonderful vilage we are getting there!!

AbbeyA, or any poster who atleast tries to sympathise with a parent who has a sn child, is automatically rebuffed with a
" you may even care for .... have spent time with an sn, child, but if you are not a parent to a sn child, you are not entitled to an opinion".
Is that how it works ?
I do not have an sn child, but I have every thought/love/support/respect for any parent that does. Is that bad/offensive to you ?

The child and situation we're talking about is 7.

Oblomov she was using the example to tell mabs how she should treat her disabled child. unless you have one your self no you will not know what it is like to be a parent of a disabled child. no more than I would no what it was like to be a parent of twins. I have 2 sets in the family but that doesn't mean I know what it is like to have twins myself.

I think AbbeyA meant well (as in suggesting - don't underestimate how well he can manage) but it came out badly - as mabs and her partner and her boy are the people here who are the experts on Mabs DS, rather than any other child with CP, and so will know how the CP impacts on his day to day life and need to have a parent/responsible adult within earshot.

Agree with Mab's position entirely, I know the school her dc's attend. My dd is in a similar position.

Hope you are ok Mabs

Love Cam xx

Riven, My 8 yr old son has severe CP also - he too is wheelchair bound, and will always be emotionally, physically and intellectually dependant on either dh or I. My 13 yr old daughter meanwhile walks a mile to the nearest trainstation, has a half hour train journey and walks a mile from the trainstation to her school. She has done this since the day she started secondary school aged 11 and 3 days. There are buses in our nearby village, but the first one doesnot leave until 9am.
The most I will do is, if it is absoloutely hammering down I will pick her up from the trainstation in the evening, as it is a pain having to walk all that way in the rain with a heavy book bag. If ds was more able he would have had the freedom dd enjoyed at 8, unfortunately that is not going to happen. Upon saying that dd often takes ds for a long walk where they are gone for hours, she will also think nothing of getting on her bike and riding to visit her best friend who lives 5 miles away for the day.