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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should a 5 year old be allowed out alone?

376 replies

bigyellowtaxi · 25/05/2008 12:37

Am a regular but have namechanged...

Have I been unreasonable? Something happened this morning that I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable about - and I'm not sure what to do next.
My DD was at a party this morning, and after, as we were driving away I saw one of her classmates (a boy, age 5) walking away from the party, he was probably 200 metres away from the party venue when I saw him. My first thought was that he had wondered away somehow without waiting for a parent to collect him, also he is new to the area so that increased my concern.
I stopped the car and got out to ask him if he was OK (he knows who I am), he said that he was, and that his mum had said it was OK for him to walk home alone. I asked him where he lived and he pointed to a nearby block of flats. So I watched him go in though the main front door, left and went home.

After I came home I was speaking to a friend, and she was horrified and thinks I should tell social work, if not them then the school, and if not the school then speak to the mum about it directly.

So my questions are:
Was I unreasonable to stop and speak to the boy - should I have maybe kept out of it? - I wasnt the first parent who had gone past him on the way home. Or was I unreasonable to have let him go from me? I half considered walking with him back to his front door.

Also what should I do now? My instinct is to do nothing. I think that it is unusual to let a 5 year old out in that way ( I have never seen any children that young out on there own before), but maybe not so unusual I should do anything about it. I think Social work would be a total overreaction, I'm not sure what it has to do with the school, and I cant see anything good coming out of a chat to the mother.

What would you have done? and what would you do now?

OP posts:

MABS · 25/05/2008 14:42

would involve ss or anyone else, but think it totally unacceptable. I would never let ds aged 7 anywhere on his own, and don't allow dd much even tho she's 13!

posieparker · 25/05/2008 14:46

The crime is still there though isn't it? The people that I know that have lived in Social Housing are from social housing. I wouldn't make such remarks unless it came from the 'right' mouths and people, unlike me, that live in these areas and some that work with these communities. I used to drive through Peckham on my way to work and frequently drive through Easton (a very large estate in Bristol) and then there was the voluntary work I did in Bradford, when I was a student, visiting child prostitutes and seeing stereotypes all over the place that I had I not witnessed I wouldn't believe...black men in merc's and BMW's pimping and dealing drugs.
I am not afraid of people that live in social housing I am just well aware that areas where poverty is prevailent is more likely coupled with crime.

duchesse · 25/05/2008 14:46

MABS, honestly I think you're being unreasonable, unless you live in downtown Mombasa... You don't let your 13 yr old out alone?? Grief, he/she is only 5 years away from being a legal adult- at what point do your suggest letting him or her learn how to be independent. Cos I can't quite see them accepting you as a chaperone teaching them how to cross roads at 14-15...

muggglewump · 25/05/2008 14:50

MABS, so you live in a really unsafe area?
I can't imagine keeping DD in now let alone at 13. I fully excepect DD to be walking the 4 minutes to school alone this time next year

seeker · 25/05/2008 14:56

You don't let your 13 year old out much alone? How does she get to school?

And my 7 year old has been walking to the letter box for me since he was 5 - about 200 yards along a quiet road. Quite often I have to write a letter specially.....!

MABS · 25/05/2008 15:05

i live in a small village, certainly not unsafe at all. How does she get to school?! I drive her of course, particularly as she starts at 8, finishes at 5 and its a good 20/25 min drive cross country anyway. She plays a lot of sport, that takes up most of her spare time anyway when she's not at school.

I would never allow a 7 yr old boy out alone i assure you. If the post box were near and i could see him totally all the way then maybe, but it isn't here so not relevant.

There is nothing near enough to our house that the kids could walk to anyway.

seeker · 25/05/2008 15:16

Why wouldn't you let a 7 year old out alone?

And aare you going to be driving your dd to school when she's 17?

MABS · 25/05/2008 15:29

I wouldn't let a 7 yr out alone as i see no need for it at all really. What does a 7 yr old need to do without a parent anyway?

I will be drivin dd to school or she will get the school bus until she finishes after 6th form, there is no other way of her getting there! Tho I imagine she may board a couple of nts per week when she's older if she chooses to.

muggglewump · 25/05/2008 15:33

My 6yr old doesn't need to be out without me but she wants to be out playing with her friends. It's good for her to learn independence and how to have fun without me watching over her constantly

MABS · 25/05/2008 15:39

totally disagree. my ds can certainly play with his friends in parks etc, but i will sit on bench with a mag whilst he does so. I have to drive him to park anyway,so am already there. Mostly his mates come to us as garden here is popular with kids.

seeker · 25/05/2008 15:40

My ds goes to the letter box for me because he likes the independence, he likes helping me and it makes him feel good.

My dd is 12 and she is currently at the swimming pool with a group of her friends - no grown ups. She LOVES doing this - and I love that she can.

seeker · 25/05/2008 15:41

Why, MABS?

MABS · 25/05/2008 15:48

Mine goes swimming with mates, but as i have said several times, I go as I have to drive her there. I certainly don't sit and watch a 13 yr old swimming tho, i go to the gym.

As i said, a 7 yr old going to the postbox is fine if you can watch them and there are no busy roads. Otherwise how do you know that he won't trip in the road and hurt himself with no-one to help him. It's not stranger danger that worries me, far more about kids and accidents.

FluffyMummy123 · 25/05/2008 15:50

Message withdrawn

seeker · 25/05/2008 15:55

Why on earth would an active healthy 7 year old trip and hurt himself so badly he couldn't get home again on a three minute walk to the letter box?!

seeker · 25/05/2008 15:57

I hate the fact that children are watched all the time. We even take them to soft play places and sit and watch them for heaven's sake!

posieparker · 25/05/2008 15:59

Yes, children are never abducted and they never have accidents. I let my children run bare foot to Tesco's and back just hoping they cross the road safely.
How about you give appropriate independence? IE at 7 they play without you but in a park where you are not? NO, accross the road where you can see them? Maybe.

FluffyMummy123 · 25/05/2008 15:59

Message withdrawn

seeker · 25/05/2008 16:01

Children do have accidents - particularly if they have never had the opportunity to learn how to cross roads. Children are so very rarely abducted by strangers that I would be prepared to say they never are.

Psychomum5 · 25/05/2008 16:01

you kow what, if my boys weren;t allowed out to play on their own, I might end up in prison for doing something to them......they go stir crazy being with me in the house or garden all day.....seriously!!!

they need more room to play big stuff, need to learn the greatest physical thing of all, independence, and also, how on earth do they learn to play fair if mum is there the whole time watching them??

oh, and they need to learn to ride bikes too which kiddies cannot do in gardens or houses.((well, unless you are lucky enough to have a mahoosive 100+ft garden))

Psychomum5 · 25/05/2008 16:02

and plus....my children are always with enough other kiddies that if they fall, someone soon comes and screams for me!!!

seeker · 25/05/2008 16:04

I'm watching Child of Oour Time on Iplayer as I type and they have just said "What children value most is having the freedom to do what they want away from adults"

Psychomum5 · 25/05/2008 16:09

and....how does a child understand from us what is dangerous without doing said thing first and learning the hard way???

I mean, they don;t know that climbing a tree could result in falling and broken bones until they do it......nor can they learn that standing under your brother when he is on a 6ft wall brandishing a brick is a silly thing to try until they do, and then you have said brick fall on your head.

luckily said child is fine, brick landed on the thickest part of his skull, not that it has stopped the silly accidents since tho!

billybass · 25/05/2008 16:16

Kids have have some time without adults.

We all look out for all the kids in my local street...so they have some independance but we are there to help if needed.

muggglewump · 25/05/2008 16:19

DD fell in nettles the other day. I sympathised for 2 minutes whilst putting on sudocreme and then told her not to go near nettles again.
What's the bets she'll listen to that for more than a week or two?
Still though, no harm done and it didn't make me even consider not letting her back out.

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