Should a 5 year old be allowed out alone?

[bigyellowtaxi]

Am a regular but have namechanged...

Have I been unreasonable? Something happened this morning that I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable about - and I'm not sure what to do next.
My DD was at a party this morning, and after, as we were driving away I saw one of her classmates (a boy, age 5) walking away from the party, he was probably 200 metres away from the party venue when I saw him. My first thought was that he had wondered away somehow without waiting for a parent to collect him, also he is new to the area so that increased my concern.
I stopped the car and got out to ask him if he was OK (he knows who I am), he said that he was, and that his mum had said it was OK for him to walk home alone. I asked him where he lived and he pointed to a nearby block of flats. So I watched him go in though the main front door, left and went home.

After I came home I was speaking to a friend, and she was horrified and thinks I should tell social work, if not them then the school, and if not the school then speak to the mum about it directly.

So my questions are:
Was I unreasonable to stop and speak to the boy - should I have maybe kept out of it? - I wasnt the first parent who had gone past him on the way home. Or was I unreasonable to have let him go from me? I half considered walking with him back to his front door.

Also what should I do now? My instinct is to do nothing. I think that it is unusual to let a 5 year old out in that way ( I have never seen any children that young out on there own before), but maybe not so unusual I should do anything about it. I think Social work would be a total overreaction, I'm not sure what it has to do with the school, and I cant see anything good coming out of a chat to the mother.

What would you have done? and what would you do now?

GooseyLoosey - I'd ben interested in the stats. I seem to remember from a previous thread on this topic that the incidence of stranger abduction (as opposed to "family" disputes eg in divorce cases) had been virtually static over the years. However, the numbers were so low that you "could" get a "blip" one year: if there are (say) ony 2 a year, 3 the following year would mean in increase of 50% - but hardly evidence of a substnative increase in the risk.

13 year old girl - and anyway as MABS has pointed out the only park is in driving distance. What's she meant to do? Drive there, leave her disabled child there and her other child, drive round the block for a half an hour then come back and pick them up.

Anyhow will leave you all to pick apart my parenting now. I'm sure there's plenty there to entertain.

If you're terribly concerned then you could look at my profile, think of a way to make the garden escape proof then the boys could at least play in the garden unsupervised.

Who said anything about waiting until 18 until untieing apron strings?

Prettybird, the stats were not what I expected at all. Here is a homeoffice analysis of the 2002/3 increase broken down by type of abduction.

so girsl dont go to the park to play football or other sports with frineds?

Our park is full of older DCs. No it's true thye don't use the slides or the little sit-on bouncy hippo thing or the pretend plane ...but they play football, ride bikes, use skateboards, or sit and chat. And quite a lot of them look after younger children.

Thanks girls for all your support,but if I'm meant to be upset or taking this personally, I assure you i'm not! maybe i'm too thick skinned but have far more rl stuff to worry about with my ds quite frankly.

I stand my comment that i do not see the need for any 7 yr old to be out without a parent, and i'm not alone in thinking that as you will see from many other comments here. You want take that as a personal insult as i am meant to have, thats your choice,not something i said.

As a matter of fact, 14 yrs ago, my 8 yr old cousin's son slipped off the kerb whilst he was going to the shop alone,10 mins from home . He was carrying a plastic bag which blew in front of his face and he slipped in to road as he couldn't see. A car hit him , and now some 14 yrs later, I think he's only needed 8 reconstuctive surgeries so far,more to come A stranger rang an ambulance and he was rushed to hospital. My cousin got to the hospital 20 mins later when a neighbour told her.

Would this have happened if she had been with him? quite possibly yes. Would she have been with him to comfort him in the ambulance? definitely yes. Has she regretted letting him out alone to this very day? definitely yes also i assure you.

Of course i didn't set up the system at the school, what a stupid comment, schools have rules and this is one of them at ours. Personally i don't get my knickers in a twist about it, i just sign the bloody bit of paper. I have far more important battles to fight i assure you. The school is fantastic and very supportive of ds, much more of a priory to me.

Oh yeah, don't think you could ever accuse my kids of being obese, and dd just won a sport scholarship. Hardly couch potatoes imo. And a i write this, my poor deprived over cossetted kids are out horse riding...and guess what?! they have someone with them supervising that too! ..they are not alone the poor babies, just felt that necessary too in case they fall.

Anyway, I'm off to do some work now to pay for these children.

My concern for a 5 year old would be traffic - they are too small to be seen when on their own and don't have enough road sense. I would expect an 11 year old to be able to get public transport to school by themselves (although the reality would be that they would be travelling with other children going to the same school). This was normal when I was at school and the world hasn't changed that much since then.

I think the sign out/sign in thing could only be done in a small school. Having 90 parents per form signing their children in and out at 8.50 each morning would cause chaos.

Of course some 13 year old girls play football, but I don't think we need to be too concerned if they don't want to. Nor do I think we have to insist that they do.

Glad you're not bothered by the thread MABS, it's the most personal one I've read on here for a long time. Some of the comments were well below the belt.

goosey- those are quite surprising aren't they?

Prof Winston does sometimes seem to be stating the obvious - but sadly the obvious isn't as obvious as all that to lots of people......

thanks getbackinyouryurtjimjams,appeciate yr support,just have so much rl crap on at the mo that i have to prioritise

I hadn't realised independence could onlt be achieved by posting a letter!!
I wasn't allowed out alone at a young age and I was perfectly fine by the time I had to be alone, ie long bus journey to clooege at 16, shopping trips to a major city at 14 etc. I walked to school alone at 11 and from 9 up the road with a friend whilst my mother ran quickly to work. I attended clubs and activities and felt very grown up. I think when you leave your kids to the watchful eye of other parents you display trust.
If anyone can show damage that happens when a child is not allowed to go to the shop at 7 I may rethink, but I doubt this is so.
MABS, your children and I'm sure they're perfectly happy and fine. An appreciation for the world is far more important than posting a letter.

college

Posting a letter was only one small example of a whole series of steps that are/can be taken.

Being allowed to go to the (open) gate on your won, being allowed to cross the road on your won to the friend's house on the opposite side (being watched), being allowed to corss the road to go to said friend's house (not watched), being allowed to run ahead out of sight, being allowed to go tthe psot box, being allowed to walk to school, being allowed to go the friend 5 minutes away, being allowed to goto the park on your own, being allowed to go to the shops on your own, being allowed to walk home from school alone. This are all things I have done already for ds or intend to let him have done by the time he is 8 (he is 7 and 8 months).

Next steps to consider: Cycling locally. Going to/from Cubs on own. Beyond that: learning to use public transport. Going to more distant (and bigger) park on own.

I would expect by age 10 he owuld have done all of these (the public trnasport perhaps only while followed by me).

At age 9, I was getting a train into Glasgow, walking 5-10 minutes to a ballet class (including up a narrow path) and then home again. In the winter this would have been in the dark. traffic wasn't involved in the route I had to follow - but the only thing I can see as having changed between then and now is the public's perception as to how accpetable this would be.

Nobody has told me why a 7 year old should NOT be allowed out alone so long as there is no danger from traffic!

I agree with you seeker! And even the traffic one can be "taught" to a certain extent (although it is dependent on the child's own character)

Because there are halfway houses all over the country full of people that would do harm to your child, because there are youths that are also without parents who would bully your child, because I know FOR A FACT that there are paedophiles taking photos and hanging around the local parks. I live in a nice area and it's not safe. One of the paedophiles who was supposed to be under close watch was able to molest and befriend local children. THAT'S WHY!!!!
Would you let your child out after seeing a documentary shoeing paedophiles in your area?

well I ddin't let my ds aout whant he was 7(untill we moved) and even then it was only in shouting distance. what is wrong with your dc playing in their own garden?

On saturday I noticed a 4 yr old playing in the street. we live at the beginning of the cul de sac him round the corner. no way could his mum see him. he was wandering in the road. now our road is "quiet" but cars/vans reverse round the corner all the time(badly) so he could have been flattened.
yet they have a garden.

maybe he was looking for someone to play wiht
maybe he was on his scooter or bike
maybe he was with other friends

did you go and have a better look?

shocked at 5 year old.my 8 and 7 year old arent allowed out alone-we have huge garden though and we live on busy road so in my mind no option.

I know lots of people who let their 4 and 5 year olds wonder round the streets and 'play out' all hours. I am not keen on it tbh but each to their own, I wouldn't report anyone etc, it is their choice.

he was alone. he then called at the house opposite. he is 4 yet allowed to roam the streets. you think that is ok??

My kids have been playing out by themselves since they were 5. We have no traffic on our estate, its a perculiar one where there is no road in front of the house, just another house. The front gardens are all communal, the park is around the back of the house with no roads to get to it. The school is behind the park. I'm not alone in letting my child out to play at that age either. its very common to see a group of kids ranging from 4 upwards playing football in the park.

It depends entirely on where you live and what your child is like.

Maybe his mum had already rung the other mum to say he was on the way over. You don't know what arrangements were in place. I know I was doing that for ds, certainly from when he was 5 (but it did involve corssing the road). it's certainly not "roaming the streets".