To be upset by PILS choice of celebration meal.

[Shardlake63]

My PILs have just celebrated a significant wedding anniversary.
As part of that celebration, they hosted dinner in a private room at a local (to them) restaurant for their extended family - about 20 of us in total.
I am definitely not a picky eater. I eat pretty much everything, except salmon (which I am allergic to - it brings me out in a very itchy rash) and lamb (which I have always hated, and even the smell makes me want to throw up). My PILs are fully aware of this.
We travelled the best part of 200 miles to attend this dinner, not to mention the cost of an overnight stay in a local hotel as relatives with spare rooms were already full with their own sons/daughters and families staying overnight.
The meal was a set dinner - no choice or alternative was offered.
First course was smoked salmon, which I could not eat due to my allergy. Fair enough, I thought I would just fill up on the main course. However, the main course turned out to be a roast lamb dinner.
Apart from the smell of it knocking me sick, I couldn't even just eat the veg as it came to the table already smothered in a lamb based gravy.😥
I ended up just eating the dessert - a slice of lemon cheesecake - which was lovely, but hardly a satisfying substitution for what should have been a 3 course dinner.
AIBU to be upset at the lack of thought and consideration here? I was quite happy to forego the starter, but most restaurants do at least offer a vegetarian alternative for the main, which I would have been more than happy with. I also eat beef, chicken, pork, turkey, duck etc. and other fish (including shellfish) - I am not a fussy eater by any stretch of the imagination, so it would not have been difficult for my in-laws to ask the restaurant to provide me with an alternative to the lamb.
As it was, I had barely any dinner and by the time the meal was finished it was too late for me to eat anywhere else.
Am I being unreasonable to think they could at least have ordered me a vegetarian alternative in the full knowledge that I wouldn't be able to eat/didn't like their choice of set meal?

OP didn’t say anything to them about it! She sat there while her DH and daughter ate the items she couldn’t eat. If someone can’t eat a food because it makes them gag, it doesn’t make them a fussy eater.

Not sure how someone being allergic to salmon and not liking one meat makes them fussy.

Sounds like they completely forgot about your salmon allergy and well dislike of lamb, I suspect if they are farmers they simply don’t understand that (nor me, if you eat meat, you eat meat, and lamb is the nicest of all, sorry).

Don’t understand or don’t care?

Honestly, with this type of attitude I’d never want to be hosted by some posters. I don’t have any allergies and eat what is put in front of me, but I’d be internally side-eying anyone who act as if they can’t accommodate something relatively small because they can’t understand it or don’t agree with it and wouldn’t be jumping to go to anything they host again.

Just because someone eats meat doesn’t mean they are willing to eat all meats or should have to. Plenty of people like only certain types of meat for a variety of reasons, doesn’t make them fussy.

one who won't have anything with a creamy or white sauce*
funnily enough, this hatred of creamy things doesn't extend to ice cream... @LakieLady

Warm or hot creamy or white sauce is different to ice cream. For one, a sauce goes over something else and it's not that uncommon for people especially neurodivergent to not like "mixing" foods.

But I wonder if you realise how judgemental you sound about people who obviously don't eat like you, especially the comment about people who "won't eat meat", like wilful toddlers, whereas most people would say "don't eat meat" as a simple statement of fact.

If you didn't deal with it at the time you need to let it go. They chose what they like to eat which is fair enough as it was their anniversary. The fact that you dislike lamb should not stop them ordering their favoured roast dinner.

TBH either they 'forgot' as you don't eat those foods and they don't know you well

Or they don't like you.

Who communicated with the PIL about the celebration meal? I'm assuming DH. Was he aware of the set meal and asked about allergies?

Did your DH say anything to them?

Mine would have done a 'nice choice for the set menu, mum-you chose something X is allergic to for the starter and something you know she hates for the main course and didn't give her the choice to have something else!'

Do they not like you very much?

I'm a firm believer that people have to take responsibilities for own dietary requirements. If you have allergies or cannot eat certain foods for religious or personal reasons then it's your responsibility to contact the venue in advance and make alternative arrangements. Any event with a set menu is going to have a number of people they can't facilitate. Maybe ILs should have thought of it, but maybe they had already heard of 1 person who wouldn't eat beef and another who couldn't have pork or shellfish or whatever and between everyone's clashing needs they decided to pick what they like and presume anyone with dietary requirements would sort it out themselves in advance.

No but most vegetarians would say something to the restaurant, unlike op.

@Teacaketravesty if you don’t have a single food that you dislike so much that you won’t eat if, I think that’s pretty unusual. When you grew up is irrelevant. Both my parents, born in the 40s, had very frugal upbringings but I can think of a food each that they disliked so much that they’d rather go without than eat. One food like this is not fussy!

I live about 150 miles from my in-laws, yet they somehow manage to remember that DH and I are vegetarian, as do my relatives 1500 miles away. It’s just rude.

That’s easy to remember, even I can manage that! Individual preferences and allergies for 20 people, not really.

Your husband doesn't sound like a prince amongst men either though.

I'd have made the fuss and went looking for something else to eat tbh. I find it odd that everyone just sat there and ignored it.

Salmon and lamb sounds bloody weird though. The whole thing sounds weird.

Why is that? Veggie and vegan are choices. People with allergies can’t eat of you don’t make sure the menu is safe.

I wouldn’t have eaten any of that, not even the cheesecakes. Totally disgusting all of it, I must be very fussy!!

I think ordering for 20 people with no room for manoeuvre is extremely rude. It must be for money reasons. It looks tight anyway.

And also hate gravy!😂

I can only assume I don’t know about any allergies because none of them have got any. I’m ahead of my Dil who doesn’t seem to be able to get her head round literally half the family hating mushrooms despite knowing us for nearly a decade.

It’s not fussy eating if you’re allergic!

When booking a preordered meal they’d almost certainly have been asked about allergies. Either that should’ve prompted them to remember the salmon or to check with the with guests.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. I think they sound thoughtless, and just ordered what they wanted, with no consideration to anyone else.

The only time I've had a meal served like that was in some grim Harvester or similar chain. DP and I used to out for a roast very often, and all the pubs round my way would bring the meat, and sometimes veg, on the plate with with the gravy in a jug separately. More often though, the veg would be separate too, so people could help themselves.

The place OP's ILs chose sounds a bit shite, frankly.

And much as I love lamb, I rarely eat roast lamb out, as it's often greasy, fatty and overcooked.

I don't think smoked salmon and lamb indicates prevailing money issues.

I'd have found that a very nice menu but even as an oldie who isn't fussy, I'd have had a rekkie and made some accommodations where necessary.

DIL is a pescatarian. When she comes I am mindful of remembering veggie gravy if I get her something like a mushroom pie whilst we have a roast and make sure the yorkies haven't been baked with meat dripping.

FIL was more difficult: he didn't like: mushrooms, pasta, chicken, cruciferous vegetables or pizza. He once growled that he thought garlic was disgusting and he'd never eat it. How I enjoyed saying "well Bob, (not Bob), every meal you've had for the last five days has been cooked with garlic and you've had seconds. His face :). And the breakfast: OJ with bits, muesli with extra SUN PAT (no other raisins), top of the milk with it, then a Braeburn apple (no other effing apple), then wholemeal toast with unsalted butter and lime marmalade. Don't start me on the bloody tea. In the end I supplied it but had to get jobs done - it almost finished me, the bloody breakfast. God rest his soul.

It sounds tight to me, no choices and gravy poured all over it too😣gawk

No, I suppose not. I love lamb. DiL never eats it though it is often served at her table for dinner - her DP cooks her chicken etc. instead. I'd have quietly asked the staff for a different meal - they are a restaurant so they must have something that is possible to serve quickly. But did PiL not post the set menu? That would only seem polite!

I think it was quite risky of them if there was a set menu not to share it and check suitability with guests. I don’t think the starter should have been something anyone was allergic to. They could have had plenty of other options. The lamb is not quite so clear cut I think. That probably is on you being a bit fussy tbh but it still wouldn’t have killed them to check the menu and get veggie in. I know lamb can be a bit divisive- we actually had it for my wedding but I did get some chicken alternatives for those who I knew weren’t a fan of red meat and obviously veggie stuff for the non-meat eaters.

Oh for goodness sakes - listen to yourself miss holier than though.