To be upset by PILS choice of celebration meal.

[Shardlake63]

My PILs have just celebrated a significant wedding anniversary.
As part of that celebration, they hosted dinner in a private room at a local (to them) restaurant for their extended family - about 20 of us in total.
I am definitely not a picky eater. I eat pretty much everything, except salmon (which I am allergic to - it brings me out in a very itchy rash) and lamb (which I have always hated, and even the smell makes me want to throw up). My PILs are fully aware of this.
We travelled the best part of 200 miles to attend this dinner, not to mention the cost of an overnight stay in a local hotel as relatives with spare rooms were already full with their own sons/daughters and families staying overnight.
The meal was a set dinner - no choice or alternative was offered.
First course was smoked salmon, which I could not eat due to my allergy. Fair enough, I thought I would just fill up on the main course. However, the main course turned out to be a roast lamb dinner.
Apart from the smell of it knocking me sick, I couldn't even just eat the veg as it came to the table already smothered in a lamb based gravy.😥
I ended up just eating the dessert - a slice of lemon cheesecake - which was lovely, but hardly a satisfying substitution for what should have been a 3 course dinner.
AIBU to be upset at the lack of thought and consideration here? I was quite happy to forego the starter, but most restaurants do at least offer a vegetarian alternative for the main, which I would have been more than happy with. I also eat beef, chicken, pork, turkey, duck etc. and other fish (including shellfish) - I am not a fussy eater by any stretch of the imagination, so it would not have been difficult for my in-laws to ask the restaurant to provide me with an alternative to the lamb.
As it was, I had barely any dinner and by the time the meal was finished it was too late for me to eat anywhere else.
Am I being unreasonable to think they could at least have ordered me a vegetarian alternative in the full knowledge that I wouldn't be able to eat/didn't like their choice of set meal?

You'd eat something you've always hated, and the smell of which makes you nauseous, because it's "just good manners"? No you wouldn't.

Er perhaps because they'd travelled quite a distance and sat through a three course meal with no food except a slice of cheesecake while everyone else was eating. If that's your idea of fun, I'm confident you'd be the miority

@Digdongdoo sorry but not all "grown ups" can eat food they dislike.
I can't. I literally can't. If it's a taste or texture I don't like it cannot go in my mouth.

If they organised the meal/ catering they absolutely should have asked for some dietary requirements.

However, I have a very low tolerance threshold to other peoples food preferences. If you didn't like this, and didn't like that in my house when I was hosting, I wouldn't ask you again. Same with meals out. I am quite a foodie and I love to eat out. If someone's fussiness gives me indigestion I won't have a meal with them again.

You have my sympathies, roast lamb is hideous. The absolute stench of it. There's nothing you can do now though so just resolve to check the menu for subsequent meals, anywhere. You can say that you have a couple of allergies and would hate for good food to be wasted. Nobody can sneer at you for that.
Why don't you treat yourself to something really nice to eat tonight?

didn't even need to read the full thread, it was literally in her original post 😭

Gone off milk makes me nauseous, prawns past their sell by date make me nauseous. But because I’m a strong, level headed adult with good manners, food doesn’t make me nauseous. I can’t think of any food that makes me physically feel sick. I hate bananas, not overly fussed on sushi or very hot curries, but at a party with 19 other adults, where someone else is picking up the tab, I would just do my best to eat it and not make a fuss. I wouldn’t expect a whole party to work around me and my preferences. What if Auntie Julie doesn’t eat chicken and steak makes old Uncle John’s dentures fall out? It’s never ending. Like I’d say to my fussy six year old ‘C’mon it’s Granny and Grandad’s special anniversary, do your best there’s a good girl’.

Then don't eat it. Go to McDonalds on your way home. But don't whine about it and make your fussiness the hosts problem.

She didn't though, she gave it to her husband to eat. No fuss made

Gone off milk doesn't make me nauseous. Grow up.

Considering she would have had to go somewhere else and sit there if she ordered from the actual menu, what makes you think this restaurant would have had extra plate of veg around in the kitchen near?

This thread is fuss. You didn't like the food at someone else's party. Get over it, move on. Why do some people feel they must be centred in everything?

She's asking strangers opinions on a public forum AFTER the event. That has no bearing on her hosts. And certainly isn't 'making a fuss'.

It sounds as though your pils bought a set menu “deal” and as salmon and lamb are pretty standard British spring/early summer dishes, then they probably went for what suited everyone overall, so for that reason, I wouldn’t make a fuss.

I think once I saw what was happening I would have asked for a plate of veg not smothered in gravy but it’s hard sometimes to do that when the waiters bring everyone’s dishes all at once.

So I do think you are being a bit U op for expecting them to cater specifically to your tastes op, but YANBU to have expected a vegetarian alternative to have been available to everyone.

I wouldn't be considering the likes and dislikes of 20 people for a meal. I would be checking for allergies though and I am pretty sure the caterers would have asked if there were any allergies when it was booked so PIL should have been prompted from that to check with everyone if they have allergies. I do think it's possible they didn't remember what you dislike though, I couldn't tell you what my in laws don't like to eat.

Feel more sorry for the parents in law actually after this thread, with suggestions that their daughter in law should reassess her relationship with them and they’re cheap and thoughtless.

What happened to a bit of grace under pressure. So the OP was hungry for a while because she doesn’t like lamb (a ‘cheap’ portion of smoked salmon was hardly going to fill her up anyway. Seriously.

If I was the OP I would have been happy with a vegetarian alternative.
But the hosts didn't even ask if anyone wanted the vegetarian meal.
That's very unusual and odd.
I did once go to a set menu Sunday pub dinner with my in-laws. The vegetarian alternative was ok but not great so I didn't each a huge amount.
In fact I did stop at the shop on the way home for something else - and I was completely honest as to why. I said I didn't think it was a particularly nice meal and the pub environment itself was a bit crap.
Thankfully in my family (even the in-laws side) we can be honest with each other.

Eventually after the first and second course were served! I’m telling her what I do with food restrictions. You can’t assume that other people will look out for you…and they didn’t!

I can see both sides. The PILs are the focus of the meal so I think they're entitled to choose a menu that they'd enjoy. But failing to mention their DIL's allergy (which I presume they do know about ?) to the venue is a bit poor. And they should probably have informed people that it was a set menu if that wasn't clear.
I'd also have been unimpressed by being served the main course with gravy all over it, not because I don't like lamb, but because I don't like gravy. It would have spoiled the meal for me so I do have some sympathy with your OP, but I think I'd have been a bit more proactive. Once I'd seen that the gravy didn't come separately I would have asked the server if it was possible to have a plate without gravy. If not, I'd have eaten it rather than go hungry but I'd have tried asking first.
My DS has multiple food allergies and if we are going somewhere where choices are limited like a wedding reception or party I always ask in advance what the menu is going to be, even after we've notified the venue of the allergies because mistakes do still happen. I never used to until an incident on a school trip when we were assured that the caterers were aware of his allergies, suitable food would be provided and I definitely didn't need to send anything but it turned out that actually there was nothing whatsoever he could eat so he went without any food between breakfast and when they got home at about 8pm. I stopped trusting people or worrying about causing offence at that point.
I agree that your PILs were a bit thoughtless but you could maybe have helped yourself a little more OP. I think if you have allergies or even very strong preferences you do need to make that known in advance if you're eating somewhere where you're not in control of the menu and check that the message has got through. I'd put it down to be experience and check thoroughly next time you're in a similar situation.

are you PIL’s the type of people who don’t respect vegetarianism, OP? @Shardlake63

And of course OP has completely disappeared. 🤣

It's the daytime.
She quite possibly could be at work.

Well she wouldnt have made a fuss before they were served would she, she wouldnt know she couldnt eat it til it was infront of her and covered in lamb gravy

OP didn’t say anything. The most she did was ask a server if she could order something else and was told she had to leave the room she was in to do so and eat it elsewhere because the restaurant couldn’t be bothered to bring a plate from the main kitchen to where she was.
Instead of doing that, and probably being called rude for doing so she sat there and ate what she could.

Her DH and daughter ate the meals she didn’t because she didn’t want to waste food.

OP literally said this in her replies.

Is salmon for a starter and lamb for a main really normal?

I like both but still would have found it weird for a set menu and it isn’t like seafood isn’t a known allergen.

It's not fussy to dislike lamb but it seems like quite a visceral reaction to struggle with others having it