To be upset by PILS choice of celebration meal.

[Shardlake63]

My PILs have just celebrated a significant wedding anniversary.
As part of that celebration, they hosted dinner in a private room at a local (to them) restaurant for their extended family - about 20 of us in total.
I am definitely not a picky eater. I eat pretty much everything, except salmon (which I am allergic to - it brings me out in a very itchy rash) and lamb (which I have always hated, and even the smell makes me want to throw up). My PILs are fully aware of this.
We travelled the best part of 200 miles to attend this dinner, not to mention the cost of an overnight stay in a local hotel as relatives with spare rooms were already full with their own sons/daughters and families staying overnight.
The meal was a set dinner - no choice or alternative was offered.
First course was smoked salmon, which I could not eat due to my allergy. Fair enough, I thought I would just fill up on the main course. However, the main course turned out to be a roast lamb dinner.
Apart from the smell of it knocking me sick, I couldn't even just eat the veg as it came to the table already smothered in a lamb based gravy.😥
I ended up just eating the dessert - a slice of lemon cheesecake - which was lovely, but hardly a satisfying substitution for what should have been a 3 course dinner.
AIBU to be upset at the lack of thought and consideration here? I was quite happy to forego the starter, but most restaurants do at least offer a vegetarian alternative for the main, which I would have been more than happy with. I also eat beef, chicken, pork, turkey, duck etc. and other fish (including shellfish) - I am not a fussy eater by any stretch of the imagination, so it would not have been difficult for my in-laws to ask the restaurant to provide me with an alternative to the lamb.
As it was, I had barely any dinner and by the time the meal was finished it was too late for me to eat anywhere else.
Am I being unreasonable to think they could at least have ordered me a vegetarian alternative in the full knowledge that I wouldn't be able to eat/didn't like their choice of set meal?

No memory involved, just a pen and paper. Its plain stupid not to consider allergies at least!

Of course they can cater to 20 peoples preferences. I managed it for 80 at my wedding - vegans, celiacs, Muslims, allergies to nuts, wheat, seafood and celery. All catered to by letting the caterers know and checking with everyone!

She is not
a fussy water. She has food intolerances. That’s not a choice.

Just plain weird of your parents to order a meal you could not eat and not make any arrangements for an alternative for you.

They really aren’t. They are about as mainstream as it comes.

The OP can choose to give more detail or not. It maybe that naming the area would be outing unless you could be satisfied with "somewhere in the north" "somewhere in the south" but somehow I doubt that you would be!

I did say they should have asked about allergies. But there's absolutely no obligation to accommodate every dislike in my opinion.

I’d like to know this too. And how they reacted.

I think if you are planning a plated and dressed meal then its stupid not to. If the meal is served at the table then its easy to refuse anything you dislike or cannot eat. if its all on including the gravy, then you have no option but not to eat it. Actually on reflection, its a pretty thoughtless idea to use such a restaurant, who only offer that kind of service in their function room, for a large party. Setting aside allergies and people who have things they just cannot eat, do they not want their guests to enjoy the event?

Well now you can recalibrate your relationship with them. It was very kind of them to give you this chance, it will probably give you lots of extra time and emotional space won’t it? Almost as if they don’t know you and give you no thought whatsoever. Imagine Christmas, you can literally do your own thing with no thought given to them, and you don’t have to, for example, ‘step up’ as a daughter-in-law any more. I’m glad they enjoyed their meal and got what they wanted out of it!

they shojuld have double checked with everyone about allergies and preference-as for the returant saying you had to eat something else downstairs thats ridiculous they couldnt cook it and bring it up?

It's usual for the food to come plated in a restaurant. It's not a buffet It's not realistic for hosts to be expected to accommodate every guests personal tastes. Lamb is an ordinary, unobjectionable food that OP is not allergic to. If she chooses not to eat on it, fine, but it's nobody else's fault.

The vegetables were covered in lamb gravy as op said

How very unreasonable of you to expect posters to read what OP has written 😆

Very thoughtless on their behalf. I'd be annoyed, too.

But at least now you know for next time that either you or DH has to speak up regarding your allergies, as tedious as that is.

Loads of people don't eat fish and loads of people don't eat lamb. They were weird choices but it was very unusual that no allowance was made for vegetarians or people with allergies etc. A bit cheap of them. I wouldn't take it personally. I wouldn't be making much of an effort for them food wise on any future hosting you do for them though.

My DH is European and they serve food I don’t like ( think raw herring, ox tongue, offal). But if the family are kind enough to take me out for a meal, even if we’ve travelled from overseas, I just grin and bear it. Move it around my plate, pile some on DH’s, eat the innocuous bits). I’m there for the company, not the food and I accept the fact that they like it.

I don’t feel they need to cater for me. If I had an allergy, I’d flag that up beforehand certainly and explain on the day if it appeared. But it’s one meal (actually in my case on a longer visit, it can be quite a few meals) and I don’t want to upset them or be a pain. I get my choice of food every other day of the year.

I recently had a load of friends around and was asked to cater for vegetarians ( fair enough), gluten intolerance ( inc alcohol), coeliac (can you ensure there’s no cross contamination in the kitchen?). I did but I’ m not doing it again. Compared with years ago, it was twice the work and hassle.

If you have specific needs then I think you need to be proactive or be prepared to be hungry!

Ah those bone headed farmer types. Guzzling plates of salmon and fatty lamb while the OP lies starving on the ground.

I suppose it was their celebration and their choice. Usually servers check if there are any food alllergies. I have been to meals where I barely ate and then called at McDonalds on the way home. If they are ok PIL then I would just forgive their thoughtlessness and treat myself to something nice.

@derxa

yeah , gross aren’t they. All the food that’s available to us, there is really no need to kill lambs for food.

yup DH and I have done that a few times. he used to get invited to semi business dinners and sometimes the food was dire.

what when people weren't coeliac or gluten intolerant?

it depends. When catering like that I have seen it as more usual to put the actual meat (or alternative) on the plate and then vegetables/sides/gravy to be served separately by waiting staff or passed around the table. In that case the Op could have probably got an empty plate and just had some veg/sides. As I aid if you are hosting a no alternatives served plated meal then even more important to ensure that you guests will enjoy it no?

Why didn’t you just ask the staff for them to not put the lamb on your plate but you have the rest of the main meal - presumably veg/potatoes etc?

Usually there would be roasties, carrots, something green.

because it was served plated and with the gravy already added. Does nobody RTFT?