To not follow school uniform rules?

[RichardOsmanTheSecond]

Daughter is 14. I'm beginning to wonder if she has autism. She is VERY picky about socks and shoes. She has worn the same specific school shoes and non-school shoes for the last 4+ years.

She changes school in September and they have different shoe requirements.

Her school shoes broke last week. They are not repairable even short term. We'd normally just replace them but I'm having to do overtime to pay for all her new uniform and kit. I dont want to spend £50 on shoes for 15 days. Plus I couldn't get them until Sunday anyway.

I am pro-uniform and have always followed the rules (even if they are stupid).

I sent in a note explaining that her shoes broke, we wont be replacing them as she is leaving in a few weeks and is wearing plain black, unbranded walking boots. Her boots are perfectly practical, and at this time of year are no scruffier than all the other school shoes!

Yesterday she got a break detention for a uniform violation. She told me it was because she forgot her pencil case. I got a call today to say she has had a second uniform violation and she will be getting an afterschool detention. Turns out, both were about her shoes. They dont care that she has 15 school days. She needs to wear school shoes.

I did not give them permission to keep her after school. My daughter would rather have detentions than deal with new shoes and the idea of wearing the school spares freaks her out. Thats why she lied aboit the pencil case (we've spoken about that).

Now I have to meet with the head of year to "discuss my concerns". Thats booked for Wednessday. My daughter can wear her boots until we have met. There will be less than 2 weeks at school by then.

Its ludicrous. I will phone on Tuesday to rearrange the meeting for later in the week because Im not wasting my time (and presumably the HOY has better things to do too). I'll just do that over and over if necessary until they either see sense or give up.

So AIBU?
Yes - you and your daughter are not special. Stop making the teachers jobs even harder.
No - the school are being ridiculous and need to use common sense at the end of the school year.

Wouldn’t the new school require black shoes too? It’s only 6 weeks, they would still fit.

I think it’s a lot of nonsense though in honesty. Black walking boots for 2 weeks isn’t derailing her education.

Urgh my kids high school overlook shoes for the last month of rhe school year.

No. They have to wear a specific type that are different to her current school shoes.

We are going to have to spend a day traisping around various shops to find some in that style that she will tolerate. That's something to look forward to.

If she could wear them to the next school, we'd just buy them now. We buy uniform as she needs it, we dont wait until a new term or whatever. Although tbh we we have let her trousers get too short for her because she has to wear branded trousers at her new school and her walking boots stop that being so obvious! 🤣

In which case I very much like your delaying plan, as they have agreed she can wear them until you meet. 😁

Their time and effort would surely be better spent on other things.

You'd think wouldnt you?

I have every sympathy for teachers. I know most of them have common sense and dont want to spend their time implementing nonsense like this but they have to.

Just remember, it’s your DD that has to face this every day. You want to make a point, so do school, she’s stuck in the middle.

Give DD the choice to either get a pair of cheap shoes from Primark or a supermarket that will be acceptable for school, borrow a pair from someone, or suck up the detentions.
Or tell the school you can't afford to replace them for another 2 weeks and see what solution they offer.

Would her current school accept the style of the new school for this last few week? (If they won't accept her boots?!)

don't worry about her trousers, I'm sure there's no regulation length!! Have you let the hem right down?

Jeez... schools are insane over uniform..

If you read my post you will see I have addressed this point.

I think the school are being unreasonable giving daily detentions for this!!! Even one detention sounds draconian.

In your position I would want to meet the Head, to explain your position a bit clearer. I can’t see how they could maintain their position if you sit down and have a sensible chat about it.

Does the school have an environmental type policy - ie that it's environmentally unfriendly to buy a new pair of shoes 2 weeks before the end of term, especially when she has a plain black pair that she can be wearing.
Alternatively, refuse to send her in for the last few days due to the additional stress they are causing through these petty detentions.

I think both this school and the new school are being ludicrous.

Long past time we just dumped uniform. I cannot understand British people’s love for it.

I'd be loath to buy new school shoes with so little time left until the holidays, sods law your DD will have a growth spurt before the autumn term starts.

On a side note for the last 8 years I've purchased the same type of shoes and socks purely because they're a good fit and extremely comfortable.

You are not unreasonable.

All this wasted time and energy on petty uniform issues infuriates me. I used to be very pro- school uniform and thought the smart appearance was important but after witnessing a couple of years of all the issues I really wish schools would either drop uniforms altogether or completely change them to something the kids would be happy to wear and comfortable in (perhaps based more on their PE kits). Wearing ties to school in 2025 feels so out dated. Many office workers don’t even wear ties these days.

Surely they’d be more likely to focus on learning if they feel comfortable and the teachers would have more time to focus on more important issues.

I feel for your situation but I think from school’s perspective it’s a slippery slope because if they don’t keep rigorous standards and start letting some kids wear different bits and bobs for different reasons then everyone else wants to do the same and it will cause discord.

If you’re going to have to have the dreaded day out selecting new school shoes for next year anyway and they’ll still fit, couldn’t you buy shoes that are suitable for next year now and have her wear them for the last few days of this year? Surely they shoes that are acceptable for next year aren’t totally unacceptable for this school/year?

Also not particularly comfy for her to wear walking boots for the next two weeks in the boiling hot summer…

DS is in his black trainers for the last couple of weeks, he's outgrown his school shoes and the trainers are a size bigger having wrecked the last pair by Easter.
He's had 2 pairs of trainers (plus the pair left over from summer term last year that he wrote until October half term) and 3 pairs of school shoes this academic year, due to how quickly he is growing. Spoke to his teacher and she said gosh don't buy new shoes for a few weeks the rate he's going he'll be grown out of them by September anyway. It was a nice common sense approach

How ridiculous some schools are! My 14 year old wears plain black trainers and it hasn’t affected her learning one bit

So you haven't bought the new school shoes for the new school yet?

I would buy the shoes that the new school will accept, and expect the old school to tolerate whatever minor differences those shoes have to their expectations. That's much more reasonable than expecting them to tolerate boots which are a clear violation.

Yanbu to refuse to fork out for something new for the sake of 15 days.

We had an issue with a jacket that got ripped and unusable a few weeks before the end of the last year at school, and we were allowed to raid the eevond hand uniform sale stores (normally only brought out in the first week of each term) abd get a quick replacement. Might an appeal toa whatsapp group find a pair if acceptable 2nd hand shoes that a larger child grew out of?

Her current school and new school have VERY different uniform policies. The shoes are NOT interchangeable otherwise I would have just bought them and she can wear them next year too.

It is a big school so you do have a point about needing blanket rules.

The current and new schools have very different shoe rules and they are not interchangeable.

She lives in her walking boots all year round. Those and very reluctabtly a specific type of trainer when absolutely required. She used to tolerate a certain brand of walking sandel but the last few years Ive bought them and she hasnt worn them so I've not got any so far this year and she hasn't cared.

On the one hand it means replacing her existing shoes takes 10 minutes online. On the other hand when we need to get something new, like next years school shoes, it's a nightmare. Im dreading it tbh.

Can you not buy her some shoes now? They would still be okay in September.

As I keep saying. The current school and new school have very different shoe requirements. She wouldnt be allowed to wear the new school shoes at her current school and vice versa. Otherwise I would have just done that.

British schools are criminally insane about uniforms.

It would be nice to see a non-useless government passing legislation making these kind of uniform rules illegal, with mandatory prison sentences for school staff who try to enforce them.