To not follow school uniform rules?

[RichardOsmanTheSecond]

Daughter is 14. I'm beginning to wonder if she has autism. She is VERY picky about socks and shoes. She has worn the same specific school shoes and non-school shoes for the last 4+ years.

She changes school in September and they have different shoe requirements.

Her school shoes broke last week. They are not repairable even short term. We'd normally just replace them but I'm having to do overtime to pay for all her new uniform and kit. I dont want to spend £50 on shoes for 15 days. Plus I couldn't get them until Sunday anyway.

I am pro-uniform and have always followed the rules (even if they are stupid).

I sent in a note explaining that her shoes broke, we wont be replacing them as she is leaving in a few weeks and is wearing plain black, unbranded walking boots. Her boots are perfectly practical, and at this time of year are no scruffier than all the other school shoes!

Yesterday she got a break detention for a uniform violation. She told me it was because she forgot her pencil case. I got a call today to say she has had a second uniform violation and she will be getting an afterschool detention. Turns out, both were about her shoes. They dont care that she has 15 school days. She needs to wear school shoes.

I did not give them permission to keep her after school. My daughter would rather have detentions than deal with new shoes and the idea of wearing the school spares freaks her out. Thats why she lied aboit the pencil case (we've spoken about that).

Now I have to meet with the head of year to "discuss my concerns". Thats booked for Wednessday. My daughter can wear her boots until we have met. There will be less than 2 weeks at school by then.

Its ludicrous. I will phone on Tuesday to rearrange the meeting for later in the week because Im not wasting my time (and presumably the HOY has better things to do too). I'll just do that over and over if necessary until they either see sense or give up.

So AIBU?
Yes - you and your daughter are not special. Stop making the teachers jobs even harder.
No - the school are being ridiculous and need to use common sense at the end of the school year.

@RichardOsmanTheSecond I'm a teacher in a secondary school and I think they'd ridiculous! If she has a note (and id even take the p*ss with a photo of the broken shoe!!) them given its only 2 weeks she should just be allowed to wear the walking boots as they're black and plain.

I'd email the school and say you can't afford to buy a pair of shoes just for 2 weeks and then buy another pair for September, so could you please have details of funding available to purchase them, then you will donate the shoes to the school at the end of the school year.

The meeting will probably be to establish if the shoes are genuinely broken as lots of parents lie for their kids!

That you for that. I've just had a look at the prospectus and they are all wearing welly type shoes but I will clarify that when we meet with them tomorrow. It would be good if she can have the different options. The ones I always think of are the boots that look a bit like the caterpillar boots that were fashionable when I was at school.

I still have my lace up Doc Martin steel toe cap boots from when I did an engineering course! Never got round to selling them!

I generally go along with uniform rules, but this is stupid and feels arbitrary so it would get my back up.

You’ve delayed till the meeting which buys time. In the meeting give them the choice between her attending school in the boots, or not attending for the last 2 weeks. I’d insist on everything in writing.

If they went down the ‘fine for unauthorised absence’ route I’d let it go to court and present the evidence because it will make it clear that the only reason she wasn’t at school was because the school were trying to force you to spend unnecessary money on unnecessary uniform for a short period of time.

The welly types are probably for a school trip

I meant slip on ankle boots. 🤣
I said welly because my wellies are like slip on ankle boots and its been a looooooong day.

I wear steel toecap trainers for work that are really comfy. Much nicer than the ankle boot option I also tried on.

DD's college is very prescriptive on footwear however. Engineering will need electricity safe soles as well as steel capped. They may well have 1 designated supplier.

I have a meeting with SEN there tomorrow so will talk to them.

No doubt we'll get a uniform list soon that will specify exactly what they need. I just thought steel toe caps were steel toe caps so its good I mentioned them!

Thanks

In defence of her current school, it is very large. As someone else said, it all comes apart if they start saying rules dont apply to all the students.

As far as their uniform goes, its not unreasonable. Its white polo shirts and smart trousers. Trousers are a bit difficult but that is my daughter rather than school. She hates the feel of their jumpers so wont wear them. When its cold she wears thermals instead.

The new school uniform is almost what she wears casually. The trousers are cargo/work trousers that feel very similar to ones she likes to wear. So assuming they aren't slim fitting, she'll be fine with that. She can choose between a hoody, jumper or jacket thing. She likes how all of them feel so it will be based on how they feel on. It is really lucky because they are all branded and have to be bought from a specific shop (hence the overtime!). I did find a tiny little statement that said they will arrange for items to be embroidered with the logo fir free so presumably that is for when "standard" uniform isnt suitable.

True, they might have a designated supplier. Mine have electricity safe soles too, needed them for my course.