Unpleasant altercation - who was the most unreasonable?

[zerofeeling]

Took my dogs out today and was trying to park in a small space between two cars on a country lane. As I was inching back to fit into the space I heard a loud crunch 😖

The two men from the car behind had just set off on their walk, as I got out of my car one of them was heading back towards me shouting why did I try to park in such a small space. I said sorry and inspected the front of his car - couldn't see any damage at all, and apart from a tiny paint scuff nothing on my car. I said to him 'i can't see any damage, it doesn't look like I hit you'
Man just glanced over at his car then asked me for my details, I asked is that necessary and said again there's no damage. He said that's not the point you have to give your details if you've been in a collision. He was much taller than me and sort of fronting up to me repeating that he wanted my details and me refusing, saying I don't think it was a collision, I think I might have hit something underneath my car. (For info my Mum and a friend have both been scammed on their insurance by people who claimed all kinds of things after very minor prangs)

Then he took an ID wallet out of his pocket and flipped it open to show a photo and badge and said he's Police. I couldn't tell if it was genuine or not. He held his phone up and said he's filming me refusing to comply with the law.
By this time the other man had come back and also filming me and I started to worry - I'm in a secluded area, with two men who are much bigger than me. I told them I felt intimidated and are they trying to scam me?

I got in my car and tried to shut the door but 1st man held onto it to prevent me. I asked if he's trying to detain me and he said no but I will if you don't give me your details, I've identified myself to you as a police officer. I said you've got no right to detain me. Eventually he let go of the door and I had to turn the car round as the lane is a dead end. Once I turned round he said again that I'm breaking the law by refusing to give my details after a collision and he started to recite the Caution they give when you're arrested! I drove away very shaken up, no idea what consequences to expect.

Just because there is no visible damage, doesn’t mean there isn’t damage underneath. In his shoes I’d absolutely expect you to give your details. YWBU. You wouldn’t have got into the situation of them demanding and holding on to your door if you’d just done the required thing and exchanged details then left it to the insurance to sort out if there was genuine damage or not.

Not if you feel threatened or unsafe. You can report an RTA (unless it involves bodily injury) within 24 hours.

I think you were in the wrong OP. You admit you were trying to get into a small space, and while inching into it heard a loud crunch which would have been hitting the car behind. What other plausible explanation could it be. Even if you can't see any visible damage you still may have caused some damage so you still need to exchange details. Even if you felt intimidated you could have done thing differently. How would you feel if it was the other way round? I'm not particularly precious about my car because it's got various scrapes and scratches but other people are. If you thought there wasn't any damage and it was really a scam (no idea how) then you should have taken photos of the "non damage" to prove otherwise.

A real police officer would let you see his warrant card properly and he would not film you. I think they were trying to scam you.

Op you were unreasonable, you created this scenario. I get being scared, but seriously step back for a moment and reflect after all the feedback you’ve received. Weaponising other people’s scam experiences to avoid doing the right and legal due course is terrible.

Realistically, OP seems to be playing down her part in this, heard a crunch, there is paintwork damage on her car but she is claiming she doesn’t believe she bumped their car…. Any chance she’s also exaggerating their behaviour in this to help her case? She’s fighting very hard to make herself look innocent and the men like the big bad wolf, even though she’s the one that crashed into them.

If I was a police officer and I was trying to intimidate someone I wouldn’t get my phone out to film myself being intimidating…. And if I was impersonating one I wouldn’t film myself doing that either.

You heard a noise so you should have just given your details. You could have taken photos if you were convinced it was a scam.

He sounds belligerent but you were in the wrong from the start

This.

Someone drove into the back of my car, very slowly at traffic lights. On the surface a very small scuff. Underneath there was £1000 of damage to a 'crumple' something which is destined to take the impact and not break the bumper.

Have you notified your insurance?

You totally did the right thing. You must have been (and still are) very shaken up. Even if they or he were police then you could report them for being intimidating. I used to be one and no way should they have shown their badge like that and stopped you from leaving, that's disgraceful behaviour from them even if (and i doubt they were police) probably opportunists done it before. I just get chills remembering poor Sarah Everard. Even if a marked police car was following me at night and put on their blue lights to pull me over and I hadn't done anything wrong I wouldn't stop, I would just drive safely to the nearest police station and let them question me there.

It doesn’t sound like a very logical scam/plan does it!

I would report this accident but honestly if these men were off duty police officers they acted inappropriately. I would say your instinct was about right in leaving.

You were trying to leave the area without giving your details - not surprised he was annoyed. Damage to the chassis isn't always obvious and can be very expensive. You were in the wrong (and I think you know it).

He stopped her from closing her car door, that must have been pretty terrifying for any woman with an ounce of imagination.
She was in a secluded place and they were acting aggressively I would have been out of there like a shot.
I would ring the non emergency police number and report this OP, they behaved appallingly but also to cover yourself too, explain that you were scared

What's relevant is the prevalence of abuse and violence in men. It is absolutely reasonable to assume they are more likely to be 'in the wrong' than if they were women - that's simply a matter of statistical significance. The OP felt intimidated, and should absolutely report that to the police and to her insurers.

I know just give you’re details you hit someone’s car.

If they were genuine policeman, expect them to both lie and back each other up. That’s what the bad ones do. 🤷🏻‍♀️

You probably should have filmed them on your phone when one of them tried to prevent you closing your door.

OP you said there was a loud noise and scuffed paint on your car so some damage must have been caused in the accident.

From gov.uk

If you’re in an accident
If you have an accident causing damage or injury you must give the following to anyone with ‘reasonable grounds for requiring them’, for example an insurance company:
your name and address
the vehicle registration number
You also need to give the owner’s name and address if the vehicle is not yours.
You must report the accident to the police within 24 hours if you do not give your details at the time of the accident.
You must also report the accident to your insurance company, even if you’re not planning to make a claim.

it probably would have just been easier to give your details at the time. Why would they have been trying to scam you when you were the one that caused the accident?

You’ve almost certainly caused damaged to one of the cars if you heard it. My DP slowly went into the back of an old couple who randomly slammed on at a clear roundabout. My DP is huge and they were clearly intimidated so I got out of the car with him and we were both very apologetic and offering our details etc. but the couple were happy there was no damage to their car. After inspection at home, DP’s front bumper had completely cracked in several places but his car was black so it was hard to tell at the time.

You should have given your details, taken multiple photos and even video evidence of the entire car and your car.

I’d report it as if he is a Police officer he may be reporting you.

Have I missed the OP explaining it was Wayne Couzens that she reversed into? He has been mentioned an awful lot in this thread for someone that is in prison and not related to this incident. Yes he did something horrific but that doesn’t mean all police will do the same thing, horrific crimes happen everyday but that doesn’t mean we can justify other behaviour because of this.

I think you were unreasonable. You are coming up with defensive statements all the time. You probably hit his car. He was (understandably) annoyed and reacted. You refused to give him your details for insurance purposes. You escalated the situation. You have no way of knowing if his car had damage as not all damage is obvious. Yes, he was aggressive and maybe not a policeman, although you don't know that for certain. But you heard a crunchy so you hit something.

He sounds like a text book scammer, I would have told him to fu-ck off and continue walking, if he continued harassing me I would have then called the police on this man.

I’ve had someone run into me then try to say that as there was no damage they didn’t need to give me their details. Luckily the police who attended agreed with me that they should…

Maybe they were also filming for their own protection to prove they weren't being aggressive incase that gets reported. They have evidence of what happened and what was said.

I report it because you have to, if they werent really police its an offence and if they are - they shouldn't act like that

But to be honest OP you sound like changing the narrative for sympathy otherwise you would have reported it - what happens if it happens to another woman

What did your DH say - did he just drive off with the car

This happened to me recently a minor bump while parking but the chap was in his car. I was immediately mortified and apologised, I took photos of both cars (no visible damage). He said he would get his car checked anyway for any unseen damage, I said of course. We swapped mobile numbers and later he messaged me to say there was no damage.

Admittedly both of us were very calm and reasonable but I felt he had a right to check his car out properly and have my details. I was aware I could be scammed but ultimately it was my fault for bumping him so in that case I would have let the insurance company deal with it.

They were unreasonable for being intimidating but you should have given your details.

And the police would make it clear that you should give your details.