Unpleasant altercation - who was the most unreasonable?

[zerofeeling]

Took my dogs out today and was trying to park in a small space between two cars on a country lane. As I was inching back to fit into the space I heard a loud crunch 😖

The two men from the car behind had just set off on their walk, as I got out of my car one of them was heading back towards me shouting why did I try to park in such a small space. I said sorry and inspected the front of his car - couldn't see any damage at all, and apart from a tiny paint scuff nothing on my car. I said to him 'i can't see any damage, it doesn't look like I hit you'
Man just glanced over at his car then asked me for my details, I asked is that necessary and said again there's no damage. He said that's not the point you have to give your details if you've been in a collision. He was much taller than me and sort of fronting up to me repeating that he wanted my details and me refusing, saying I don't think it was a collision, I think I might have hit something underneath my car. (For info my Mum and a friend have both been scammed on their insurance by people who claimed all kinds of things after very minor prangs)

Then he took an ID wallet out of his pocket and flipped it open to show a photo and badge and said he's Police. I couldn't tell if it was genuine or not. He held his phone up and said he's filming me refusing to comply with the law.
By this time the other man had come back and also filming me and I started to worry - I'm in a secluded area, with two men who are much bigger than me. I told them I felt intimidated and are they trying to scam me?

I got in my car and tried to shut the door but 1st man held onto it to prevent me. I asked if he's trying to detain me and he said no but I will if you don't give me your details, I've identified myself to you as a police officer. I said you've got no right to detain me. Eventually he let go of the door and I had to turn the car round as the lane is a dead end. Once I turned round he said again that I'm breaking the law by refusing to give my details after a collision and he started to recite the Caution they give when you're arrested! I drove away very shaken up, no idea what consequences to expect.

Wrong again. Your username is VERY apt!

But he's right. If there is a collision- which you admit you thought there was - you have to report it regardless of visual signs of damage. I don't see what you can't understand about this.

Genuine question, when he said “it’s not about the damage” do you not think he was maybe trying to say (badly but correctly) that it’s not about the visible damage and that he was concerned about the non visible damage?

You seem to be making a lot of assumptions about him being on a power trip, etc. 🤷‍♀️

This was my first thought too.

I understand perfectly - you're wrong. He had no evidence that there'd been a 'collision'. No one has to report a 'possible' collision where no one was hurt and no damage caused. I actually did attempt to report it later to the non-emergency 101 Police and was told it didn't need reporting. I behaved appropriately in every way which is a hell of a lot more than can be said for him.

No evidence of a collision apart from hearing it you mean?

No, that's definitely not what he was doing. If was he'd have been a lot more concerned to look closely at his car for any signs of damage. He said it wasn't about the damage because there wasn't any and he wanted find another excuse for his horrible behaviour.

You realise the police aren’t allowed to just run checks on people’s registration numbers to find out their personal details all Willy nilly? There’s a process that has to be followed and they need consent from further up the hierarchy. So your argument on that is moot. Not that you’re that bothered anyway because you are right and everyone else is wrong..

You have literally no idea what he was thinking or feeling, that was pure speculation on your part. and you have also no idea what damage you may or may not have caused. You appear determined to ascribe motivations to other which best justify your decision to leave the scene of what you single handedly decided was not an accident. As a grown woman, not some teenager, this was irresponsible at best. I hope this thread has made you reconsider your actions. And I sincerely hope I never have the misfortune to be anywhere near you when you are parking. https://www.google.com/url?q=www.iamroadsmart.com/groups/peterborougham/our-courses/courses/parking-and-manoeuvring&sa=U&sqi=2&ved=2ahUKEwjnzezz9KiOAxXYQEEAHXQIFgkQFnoECFUQAQ&usg=AOvVaw2PMyb90JJKAGjW9Z35g_K_

You seem to have changed your story again. The first time you reported it you said they told you it should have been reported to your insurance company.

Have you just made that up? 😅 That's completely different to your story so far!

But him hearing a loud crunch is evidence of a collision. If I heard a loud crunch I’d want my car checking by a professional. Wouldn’t you? I mentioned previously about all the damage to dh’s car when nothing was visible from a very low speed nudge into him when he was stationary. I’d be very worried about that being a possibility

Immensely well said 🙌dear original commenter
💚🤗💚

Road Traffic Act 1988 section 170

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I can't bring myself to respond anymore. This is a lost cause.

However I will add, if you are insistent on continuing to drive OP, now might be a good time to invest in a car with parking sensors.

Nope.

I knew you wouldn't be able to stay away Hummus 😂

If I'm ever able to afford a car with parking sensors I'll certainly get one!

Dope.

There's no "of course" about it, not with you....

What you're missing here is my intuition as a human and a woman that this man's behaviour wasn't normal. Obviously that's difficult to get across in words but a sizeable chunk of posters seem to have managed it, probably because they're decent people with empathy for others.

His behaviour wasn't just unpleasant and intimidating - he specifically breached the protocol for the Police Service in our area which states that an off-duty male police officer, when identifying himself as such to a lone woman, must either A. contact his supervisor so they can reassure the woman that he is genuine or B. give the woman the supervisor's details so she can do that for herself. He did neither.

Several posters, in response to me saying that he had my number plate so knew he could look up my details, have said Police don't automatically have the authority to do that - but that's exactly what he did. He then further misused his position to print out an official form and deliver it by hand to my address. The envelope also contained a return envelope with his name hand written on it so I dread to think what his next move was going to be. I took these items to the Police Station to add to the formal complaint I'd already made - they were useful because it gave me his name which otherwise I wouldn't have found out.

So my instincts about this man were completely correct - he was not to be trusted and those defending him need to have a good look at yourselves and your priorities.

You keep saying there was no evidence. There doesn't have to be. Plus, he has a witness, you don't! Just because YOU can't see any damage, does not mean there is no damage. My car was written off in a rear end shunt but from looking at it you wouldn't know it had been hit.

Basically, you came here to be validated. That hasn't happened and you've become more and more annoyed at that. You were in the wrong. The call handler who 'supposedly' told you that you didn't have to report it would have been in the wrong....had that actually happened. You won't accept any of this, so why are you here? Don't bother answering, I won't be reading it. My blood pressure can't handle your entitlement....

People really need to stop apologising for men who are complete strangers to them, and excusing their appalling behaviour. Woman gives account of her experience, of how intimidated she felt, and instead of hearing any of this, people go out of their way to poke holes, disbelieve here, and excuse the power trip behaviour of a man. Internalised misogyny at its finest. Fucking hell, how are we still here, in 2025!

How do you know he did that? If he did that, that’s a breach of police code of conduct given the off duty circumstances.

You can have them retro fitted, think they cost me about £140. Bloke came and fitted them on my drive 👍. They’re well worth it.