Adult children still at home

[Butterfly1728]

Is it unreasonable to expect adult stepchildren to be “standing on their own 2 feet” when they earn good money and are almost 30?
Living at home, no sign of wanting to move, don’t do any chores, etc.

Feel resentful at times.

Why don't you make them do chores at the bare minimum?

Why aren’t they doing chores? Or paying for a cleaner?

At 26, my mum paid the deposit on a rental flat and then kicked me out. I couldn’t see it at the time, but looking back, sometimes you really do need to cut the apron strings — for their benefit, not just yours!

Are they not saving up for a place of their own? Are they paying a contribution to household expenses? If neither of the above YANBU and it makes no difference IMO that they are your DSC.

Adult DD lived at home from leaving University until she was 27. But:

a. She was paying an amount in rent. She insisted she wanted to once she got a job. Yes, it was less than a commercial rent would be but we are her parents not her landlords so we didn't want to make money out of her and she wanted to pay her way.

b. All that time she was saving very hard for a deposit, which enabled her to eventually move out and buy her own place.

c. She pulled her weight with chores, did her own laundry and took her turn cooking the family dinner two evenings a week.

They are paying housekeeping although it’s miles below what private renting/mortgage would be.

They are not saving as DH is giving them all a large sum of money when we sell the house in circa 2 years time.

It must be bad enough having your own children under your feet when they're 30 yo. Bloody hell, rather you than me.

So they are freeloading basically!! I would be upping their ‘rent’, not doing any of their chores (no washing, cooking etc) and let them work it out for themselves!

At 30 most people are married with kids (I was anyway) so they need to grow up and be a little more self sufficient!

Tell them they need to help with the chores or contribute 100% between them for the hire of a cleaner. Stop cooking for them too.

My daughter 33 lives at home. She pays rent and does help out. Dishes / washing clothes etc. I still do most of it as I'm home more

If your DH is giving them a large chunk of money who's house is it?

My friend is in his 30s and won’t even consider moving out of his parents. He doesn’t pay any bills, don’t cook or buy food, he doesn’t do his own washing or even change his own bed.

It’s a massive ick but more common than people realise.

My dd lives at home she pays board and is saving for a deposit. She does her own cooking/laundy and babysit/dg walks for us

You know you're not unreasonable.
But u til your willing to actually do something about it it's not going to change.
You're currently 3 against 1 so what incentive is there for them to change?

So look at your life. Is this worth putting up with? If not you need to drop the nuke.
Otherwise you'll have to suck it up

Why did you choose to move in with your partner, knowing that his adult kids still lived with him?

If I ever remarried, I certainly wouldn’t want to live with adult stepchildren, but I would accomplish that by not moving into a home where they still lived. If your partner is happy for them to be there, I don’t think it’s your place at all to be trying to kick them out.

Paying a contribution to bills does not equate or include getting another adult to your chores for you.
They are taking the piss and so is their father.

Yea, what percentage are you getting out of the house sale? What did you contribute towards the buying of it?

Or did you just move into his house? What price on your domestic labour?

I'd be scrambling to get a deposit of your own together.

Those adult children sound very entitled

His kids, but not yours? Is life too easy for them? Are you doing the washing, cooking, housework? I mean, I’d immediately stop all ‘services’, they cook for themselves, shop, wash etc. Don’t make it easy for them.

It’s tricky . My partner moved out due to clashes with my adult children who live at home .
its is more difficult than many people realise .

My adult DDs, age 26 and 28, still live at home.

The not saving would annoy me as much as the no chores.

Who is doing all their chores?

Who is doing the cleaning?

What does their dad think?

I wouldn’t be doing any washing or ironing for them and they clean their own rooms and are given some other stuff to clean perhaps hoover the house throughout, dust, clean the bathroom etc

i I would also expect them to cook one in four hours evenings so you do day 1 and 2 if your husband won’t cook they go day 3 and 4 and so on.

I would be having a conversation with dh about how unreasonable it is to expect you to do things for them and it’s stopping now

I wouldn’t cook for them at all.