Adult children still at home

[Butterfly1728]

Is it unreasonable to expect adult stepchildren to be “standing on their own 2 feet” when they earn good money and are almost 30?
Living at home, no sign of wanting to move, don’t do any chores, etc.

Feel resentful at times.

My youngest is still at home at 28 but pays a decent rent, does chores around the house and is a general delight to have around. He is saving hard for his own place though.
They should be pulling their weight at home. Don’t do their washing or anything for them anymore. They are grown adults

Put their rent up. If they want the easy housekeeping life then they need to pay for it. You can always save it if you don't need it for them.

Yeah I think something has gone wrong if you’re nearly 30 and you’re still living like that with that attitude

My 22 year old lives at home and isnt currently working. She does have a good reason for not currently working - massive seizure in winter resulted in major breaks and burns. She is currently waiting for medical clearance from the burns unit. Due to complications she cant get a job but she does all housework tasks for me, so freeing me up after work.

I dont charge her board as she doesnt get much money via pip or UC but she knows if she starts to earn money, she pays board!

At 30, with a job, he is taking the piss!

My oldest is 20 and he still lives at home. I don't mind though, he pays his way, helps out with the household chores, and is generally pleasant to be around. He works full time but we take minimal 'board' so he can be saving hard for his own place. We would rather he bought somewhere of his own instead of renting so we're happy to have him here until then. If he was unpleasant or took the mick it would be a different story.

I bet you’re paying 50% toward the outgoings each month though, I would start paying 25% as there are 4 adults living in the house and get him cleaning up after them.

This sort of extended adolescence does no one any favours. It seems all too common these days, alas.

I have a 22 and a 20 year old both moved out.
Im sure they will leave but its really hard getting a home.

I have one adult child (28) of four, still at home. He probably always will be as he has autism and learning difficulties... however he has a job in a supermarket, pays rent, and does simple household jobs like putting laundry on, doing the dishwasher and helps with anything I ask .
Two of my other kids lived at home and their partners lived with us too ..one saving for a house, the others waiting for a couples visa to go to my DIL's country. They all paid a token rent, cleaned, cooked and generally pitched in. They've moved out now, but they never took the mick.

Yours need to be told to ship up or ship out!

It is hard. Kids should naturally detach and live independently but in the current climate it’s hard.
Our relationships improved when they eventually moved out.
You fall quickly back into adult/child dynamic, even when you try hard not to.

You don't have a step-kid problem, you have a DH problem. Is it partly your house? Is this coming out of your half?

Ds 22 is back post uni, making it very clear he's home to save for his own place, but he like all the others pays rent ( just about covers what he eats) does his own washing and cooks / helps out round the house alot as dh has health issues. He is useful and it out way of helping him on the housing ladder, yours on the other hand don't seem to have many plus points

Sounds very much like a husband problem. He clearly gets to decide all this. He clearly supports their laziness. He should be ashamed of himself for leaving his kids so unprepared and ill equipped for adult life.

Oh wow, your DH and his kids should be embarrassed. Does DH not see that by promising them large sums of money when the house sells, that he is making the problem worse? The grown up kids should be embarrassed that they are not self sufficient.

I feel for you, they all need a swift kick up the backside.

I left home at 18, never been back.

Perhaps tell them they need to move out.

Tell them the rent will increase by £20 each month. Don't buy food, cook, clean, do washing, ironing for them. You are enabling their life of luxury.

It was all ok until you got to the last phrase - no chores

its fine ro have them at home really - not everyone wants ro live on their own

buf at that age they should be doing the majority or chores if they are at home - assuming you still work

His

Well your DH has removed all incentive to save or get cracking then by telling them that!

When the house is sold will you downsize, so living with you is no longer an option? If DSC are on good money, they can start planning for that change now, by bolstering their own deposit / saving for renovations, emergency fund etc. They should be paying a contribution to bills at a proportionate rate and an amount that bridges the gap to mortgage / private rent. You may choose to gift this back to them, but they aren’t getting a grasp of a real adult budget at the moment which at nearly 30 is very scary.

They need to learn housework now else they’ll have a very rude awakening when they do move (or more likely, they won’t bother). If you don’t do the chores, what happens? They are not paying ‘housekeeping’ because you’re not a bloody maid.

Both my adult sons lived at home in early adulthood. Eldest until he was 34 and youngest until he was 28. Both did household chores eldest emptying rubbish bin, recycling, loading and emptying the dishwasher and youngest steam mopped kitchen, when big shop arrives he puts it all away and rotates tins so newest ones go to back. Both did their own laundry including bedding and both cooked once a week for whole family. Plus they'd do any other little jobs I asked if them like peg out or bring in my laundry from washing line. I enjoyed having them there whilst they saved up deposits and I saw them mature into thoughtful and competent young men. When they left I knew they could manage to run their homes. You should have brought them up with having to do a few chores.

If its his house, and presumably they were there when you married him, it's up to them really. Your main concern should be the chores. How are they distributed?

I wondered if the op move in with them and is also free loading? She does not say she does chores or pays her way just that they don’t.

I pay my way and do chores.

Between my husband and I and that’s it.

Sounds ideallic