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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No kids at wedding

95 replies

Elephant9 · 02/07/2025 14:49

AIBU is not ME being unreasonable. The question is are these people being unreasonable for not inviting kids to their wedding

context- they’ve said only long term friends will bring kids - leaving a whole load of very close friends not being able to. Their siblings have children and 1 long term friend each will bring their kids.
the reason they said was because they want the parents to have fun (!)
those parents who can’t bring kids have offered to pay for their place at their wedding but they’ve said no

the couple want their own kids and may have their own by the time the wedding comes along.

so, are they being unreasonable?

also, what’s your thoughts on the situation?

OP posts:
TheWonderhorse · 02/07/2025 14:51

They can have who they want at their wedding. No you can't just book extra seats for uninvited guests. People who don't like the arrangement are not obliged to attend though.

DiscoPig · 02/07/2025 14:51

Their wedding, their rules. Child-free weddings aren't exactly unheard of, and those invited are obviously free to decline the invitation because they don't want to attend without their children, or all their childcare will also be at the wedding, if it's a family member.

I wouldn't give it another thought.

Creamercoffee · 02/07/2025 14:52

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Squirrelblanket · 02/07/2025 14:52

I think they are being perfectly reasonable.

NotAntisocialJustSelectivelySocial · 02/07/2025 14:52

It’s up to them, it’s their wedding. My thoughts are ‘why do people choose to get so offended by their dc not being invited?’. It never occurred to me to be miffed my DC weren’t invited to weddings. If I couldn’t arrange childcare I didn’t go, if I could get childcare I went. It’s really not that big of a deal.

TheNightingalesStarling · 02/07/2025 14:54

So they've invited their nieces/nephrws and a couple of children they're close to, but not every friends child?

They can invite who they want. You can chose whether or not to accept.

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/07/2025 14:55

Their wedding, their choice who to invite.
Your invite, your choice to accept or decline.

"the reason they said was because they want the parents to have fun (!)"
I always think that is such a shite non-reason to give. Just be honest - you don't want kids running around / making noise / crying / taking attention away from the bride. The assumption parents can't have fun with their children present is frankly insulting. (Or, demonstrates bride&groom have a very narrow definition of 'fun'.)

PreetyinPurple · 02/07/2025 14:55

It’s fine not to invite children and it’s also fine for people not to attend because of it. What isn’t fine is for B&G to be pissed those people don’t come.
Lots of parents don’t have people they can leave DC with especially if it’s not local. Also it can be another big cost on top of attending which can also be high these days.

PinkTonic · 02/07/2025 15:00

It’s very normal to only include family children and maybe very close friends who are almost family. Inviting children of all attending adults would either cut down the guest list or massively increase it, and it would significantly change the overall dynamic if lots of children were there.

Fancycheese · 02/07/2025 15:02

This has to be thread number 100 about this topic. At least.

ComtesseDeSpair · 02/07/2025 15:02

It’s fine. If most of the people they know have children and bring them, it suddenly becomes a couple of dozen or so additional guests which either the venue numbers can’t accommodate or means children - many of whom they’ll barely know - taking places they then can’t offer to more actual friends.

If some parents can’t or don’t want to find childcare, just decline the invitation. Yes: they’ve said “your children aren’t invited because we want you to let your hair down and have fun” when what they really mean is “your children aren’t invited because they’re a bit of a pest and also we don’t want our venue filled out with them when we’d rather invite more of our friends” because they’re trying to be polite.

MammaTo · 02/07/2025 15:02

This might sound super selfish but I personally don’t want to take my child to a wedding. It’s a long day for everyone and I want to enjoy myself and let loose a bit. I can appreciate lots of people have childcare issues and have no choice but to bring the kids but where a baby sitter is available then I’d prefer to go without.
Other peoples kids at a wedding don’t bother me at all. I think close friends and immediate family warrant an invite for their kids (ie nieces and nephews), but outside of that it’s fair to say just adults are invited.

YellowGrey · 02/07/2025 15:03

It's fine to not invite children and it's fine to only invite a small number of children.

But I do find it annoying when the B&G say that it's "so the parents can enjoy themselves". How do they know whether the guests would prefer to have their children there or not? Just own it and say you don't want them!

ScratCat · 02/07/2025 15:05

Children are annoying. Child-free weddings are much better.

Thedoorisalwaysopen · 02/07/2025 15:07

Perfectly reasonable.
We were 90% child free but we cherry picked with some close friends where we knew their children, liked them, knew they would be well behaved and that their presence would not cause the parents to leave early/be up and down during the ceremony or speeches etc.

purplecorkheart · 02/07/2025 15:11

Their wedding, their choice. I personally would be quite selective if I was getting married about which kids I would invite and would probably word it similar. My longest friend's children are older and very well behaved so I would have no issue with them coming.

I have other friends who's children are much more boisterous and their parents are very much let them do what they want so no I would not be inviting them.

Wannabegreenfingers · 02/07/2025 15:17

They can have who they want, but it does sound very double standards. Personally I love a kid free wedding. Some events, wedding being one of them are just more enjoyable when it's adults only.

Ablondiebutagoody · 02/07/2025 15:18

I can't believe that people are offering to pay for additional invitations! How weird.

The couple can invite who they like. Don't go if you don't like it. I quite like there to be kids at weddings.......providing they aren't mine 🤘

19ptrialprice · 02/07/2025 15:20

The couple can invite anyone they like, those that think differently are self absorbed and entitled.

pinkyredrose · 02/07/2025 15:20

Wannabegreenfingers · 02/07/2025 15:17

They can have who they want, but it does sound very double standards. Personally I love a kid free wedding. Some events, wedding being one of them are just more enjoyable when it's adults only.

How is it double standards?

Wexone · 02/07/2025 15:22

Another day another thread about Child free weddings 😂
"the reason they said was because they want the parents to have fun (!)"
My own sister said exactly this when i asked her does she want her children to be at my wedding- They cam for photos only at her request
For context i only had nieces and nephews at ours - another guest got her mother in law ( also at wedding ) to etxt me two days before coming taht she was bringing her 1 year old -right ok - she went to the ceremony and then sat in her room all the time with said child. Her husband even brough her a dinner up 😂Like why did she bother coming then - i wouldn't have been offended at all if she hadn't.
It’s fine not to invite children and it’s also fine for people not to attend because of it.
let it go

Londonrach1 · 02/07/2025 15:24

Their wedding their choice. Yabu.

pinkyredrose · 02/07/2025 15:24

Op maybe if they invited everyone's kids there there would be 20 or 30 kids there and they didn't want a wedding that was more like a playground.

Maybe they would have preferred to have no kids but felt obligated to have the kids of those closest to them.

tammienorrie · 02/07/2025 15:24

those parents who can’t bring kids have offered to pay for their place at their wedding but they’ve said no

that is outrageously entitled behaviour from the parents! How can you have the brass neck to think that’s ok? Your kids are clearly not invited, so you call up the couple and ask to pay? Mind boggles. So rude.

GonnaeNoDaeThatJustGonnaeNo · 02/07/2025 15:26

NotAntisocialJustSelectivelySocial · 02/07/2025 14:52

It’s up to them, it’s their wedding. My thoughts are ‘why do people choose to get so offended by their dc not being invited?’. It never occurred to me to be miffed my DC weren’t invited to weddings. If I couldn’t arrange childcare I didn’t go, if I could get childcare I went. It’s really not that big of a deal.

Completely agree.

People feel so entitled about other people's weddings.

Go or don't go. But don't get wound up because they are choosing to spend their special day the way they want to.