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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No kids at wedding

95 replies

Elephant9 · 02/07/2025 14:49

AIBU is not ME being unreasonable. The question is are these people being unreasonable for not inviting kids to their wedding

context- they’ve said only long term friends will bring kids - leaving a whole load of very close friends not being able to. Their siblings have children and 1 long term friend each will bring their kids.
the reason they said was because they want the parents to have fun (!)
those parents who can’t bring kids have offered to pay for their place at their wedding but they’ve said no

the couple want their own kids and may have their own by the time the wedding comes along.

so, are they being unreasonable?

also, what’s your thoughts on the situation?

OP posts:
skippy67 · 02/07/2025 15:27

They're not being unreasonable at all. I'm sure they've factored in that some people won't be able to attend. I never understand why people get arsey about this.

tammienorrie · 02/07/2025 15:27

Oh, and just because you may want kids of your own at some point that does not mean you want screaming babies and rampaging toddlers at your wedding!

19ptrialprice · 02/07/2025 15:28

TheWonderhorse · 02/07/2025 14:51

They can have who they want at their wedding. No you can't just book extra seats for uninvited guests. People who don't like the arrangement are not obliged to attend though.

I find these people very strange. Any other event people would not dare ask to invite their child. Just weird.

skippy67 · 02/07/2025 15:29

NotAntisocialJustSelectivelySocial · 02/07/2025 14:52

It’s up to them, it’s their wedding. My thoughts are ‘why do people choose to get so offended by their dc not being invited?’. It never occurred to me to be miffed my DC weren’t invited to weddings. If I couldn’t arrange childcare I didn’t go, if I could get childcare I went. It’s really not that big of a deal.

Exactly.

HMW19061 · 02/07/2025 15:29

It’s there wedding so they can invite who they want.

On the other side we are going to a family wedding in a few weeks, we have a 2 and a 4 year old. The kids are invited, we suggested to the happy couple that they didn’t HAVE to invite our kids we don’t mind but they want them there. I’m dreading it, my kids will hate it! Don’t get me wrong they’ll like the disco later but having to sit through a wedding ceremony quietly, sit through a nice meal quietly and generally not be able to run around as they normally would…it’s just going to be a long day for them. Also selfishly, my self and my husband won’t be able to fully relax and let our hair down as we’ll have to keep an eye on the kids (especially our 2 year old terror!)

MissDoubleU · 02/07/2025 15:30

Big difference between having 4 children the bride and groom are close with at the wedding and having 15-20 kids running around. The vibe absolutely changed and while one may want to take their own child it will absolutely spoil the fun of some other parents and change the atmosphere to have so many more children there.

It’s fine to be child free, it’s also fine to have kids “capped” at a comfortable number.

pinkyredrose · 02/07/2025 15:30

context- they’ve said only long term friends will bring kids - leaving a whole load of very close friends not being able to.

How many kids do the 'whole load' of friends have between them?

Daleksatemyshed · 02/07/2025 15:34

If you're offended because they don't want your DC to come to their wedding then don't go Op but it's not on to tell them they're wrong. Their numbers may be limited, everyone has to weigh up who they want to attend the most and extra DC means some friends/family don't get invited

stclementine · 02/07/2025 15:37

No they aren’t unreasonable. There are a myriad of reasons why they may not have invited all children, but none of that matters. The fact is they have decided who they want and don’t want at their wedding and so these friends have two choices - suck it up and find a babysitter or don’t go.

dottydaily · 02/07/2025 15:37

Their wedding, their choice. YABU

pinkyredrose · 02/07/2025 15:38

HMW19061 · 02/07/2025 15:29

It’s there wedding so they can invite who they want.

On the other side we are going to a family wedding in a few weeks, we have a 2 and a 4 year old. The kids are invited, we suggested to the happy couple that they didn’t HAVE to invite our kids we don’t mind but they want them there. I’m dreading it, my kids will hate it! Don’t get me wrong they’ll like the disco later but having to sit through a wedding ceremony quietly, sit through a nice meal quietly and generally not be able to run around as they normally would…it’s just going to be a long day for them. Also selfishly, my self and my husband won’t be able to fully relax and let our hair down as we’ll have to keep an eye on the kids (especially our 2 year old terror!)

Can you get a sitter for them? They're too young to understand what's going on, there's not much benefit to them being there.

Hankunamatata · 02/07/2025 15:40

They don't want hoards of kids. Fair enough. A small number is manageable

user2848502016 · 02/07/2025 15:47

It’s their wedding so their guest list so they ANBU however the “we want parents to have fun” line does piss me off! Most parents I know actually like their kids and spending their time off as a family, yeah it’s nice to have a break from them but that’s on my terms not dictated by someone else, and it’s not much fun to have to stress about babysitters either!

Tetchypants · 02/07/2025 15:48

This again. Let’s say the bride has a close mate who happens to have 3 kids, they get together quite often and have a good time but she doesn’t know the husband too well and the groom has never met him.

That ONE friend becomes FIVE guests. That handful of half a dozen mates from school or uni could easily become 20 or 30 guests. Why should a bride and groom pay for untold numbers of people they don’t know very well?

I fail to understand why people don’t get it. If you can’t woman up and detach yourself from your kids for a few hours you’re doing life wrong.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 02/07/2025 15:49

YABU for even asking this question, tbh.

Gloriia · 02/07/2025 15:50

I hate this crap. Either have kids or don't but selective 'good friends only' is really unpleasant imo.

Original poster
Elephant9 · 02/07/2025 15:51

Wow, this was a very one-sided response rate!!. Thanks 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
Elephant9 · 02/07/2025 15:53

Gloriia · 02/07/2025 15:50

I hate this crap. Either have kids or don't but selective 'good friends only' is really unpleasant imo.

This!!
their “best friends” aren’t even allowed to bring their kids who they have treated like nieces and nephews - and I mean that’s probably 4-6 more kids in total?

for me, I get they can invite who they want. I wouldn’t attend if I couldn’t take my children.. I have so much fun WITH them at weddings.. but I get not everyone feels that way

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 02/07/2025 15:55

The couple needs to understand that some guests will not be able to attend without their children. This is especially true for breastfeeding children.

As long as they aren’t setting up a situation where a “must attend” guest like a sibling is put into a bind by the rule, it’s not a big deal. The guest declines, the hosts accept the response with grace and understanding, and everyone moves on.

minnienono · 02/07/2025 15:55

Their decision but you and your friends who have been told no kids can simply say you can’t go.

ComtesseDeSpair · 02/07/2025 15:59

Gloriia · 02/07/2025 15:50

I hate this crap. Either have kids or don't but selective 'good friends only' is really unpleasant imo.

It’s no different to saying “I’m upset because one of my colleagues has invited three of our other colleagues to their wedding, this just seems really unfair, either have all your work colleagues invited or none at all, selecting the colleagues you consider friends only is unpleasant.”

(Though I’m certain there are MNers out there who would think that their colleague had to invite the entire office of 70 rather than only the three who were their friends.)

milveycrohn · 02/07/2025 16:01

Quite often the venue will have a max number of guests, whether it's 35, 100 or 200 etc.
So you can't just add on extra guests even if they are children. It would probably invalidate their insurance.
Presumably the couple have decided who they want to invite. It's really tacky tho, saying they want parents to 'have fun'. No you probably won't have fun if your DC are being looked after, as well as the hassle this involves.
So it's up to the relevant guests if they decide to accept or not

TheLemonLemur · 02/07/2025 16:03

Their wedding they can invite who they want and don't need to justify to anyone. I'm having an event soon and only invited friends kids that are old enough to be able to occupy themselves. I'm sure it's prob left a few people miffed but I'm paying for the event so it's my choice

Fashionlover123 · 02/07/2025 16:04

I had a child free wedding. We weren’t parents and had been to a wedding where kids screamed through the vows. After that we decided we wouldn’t have any children at ours. If our guests didn’t like it they didn’t come 🤷‍♀️

DappledThings · 02/07/2025 16:10

HMW19061 · 02/07/2025 15:29

It’s there wedding so they can invite who they want.

On the other side we are going to a family wedding in a few weeks, we have a 2 and a 4 year old. The kids are invited, we suggested to the happy couple that they didn’t HAVE to invite our kids we don’t mind but they want them there. I’m dreading it, my kids will hate it! Don’t get me wrong they’ll like the disco later but having to sit through a wedding ceremony quietly, sit through a nice meal quietly and generally not be able to run around as they normally would…it’s just going to be a long day for them. Also selfishly, my self and my husband won’t be able to fully relax and let our hair down as we’ll have to keep an eye on the kids (especially our 2 year old terror!)

You don't have to bring them if you don't want to. How is that anyone else's choice?

I'd be a bit disappointed to be invited to a child free wedding but I wouldn't question it or try to change their mind.

Couple are only being unreasonable if they get pissed OFF (not pissed, pissed means drunk) about people declining due to childcare. But to the quoted PP they would also be unreasonable to be pissed off if you don't bring your invited children.

And invitees to the wedding in the OP are not being unreasonable about the patronising way the invitation is phrased.