No kids at wedding

[Elephant9]

AIBU is not ME being unreasonable. The question is are these people being unreasonable for not inviting kids to their wedding

context- they’ve said only long term friends will bring kids - leaving a whole load of very close friends not being able to. Their siblings have children and 1 long term friend each will bring their kids.
the reason they said was because they want the parents to have fun (!)
those parents who can’t bring kids have offered to pay for their place at their wedding but they’ve said no

the couple want their own kids and may have their own by the time the wedding comes along.

so, are they being unreasonable?

also, what’s your thoughts on the situation?

Well, you ARE being unreasonable if you think it's an issue. Their wedding, their choice.

@Elephant9

treat yourself to a wedding without your kids, op! Where you can just be yourself and not ‘mum’ also. Have some drinks, let your hair down - life is short!

They can have who they want at their wedding.

If someone is invited and doesn’t like the fact their kids, dog and neighbours aunt aren’t invited they can decline the invitation.

If everyone brought their children to a wedding it would end up more like a kids party than a wedding

We only had family kids at our wedding, if friends had brought theirs too, it would have been 30 plus kids!! It would have been mad! Plus, it was our day, we were paying, it's what we wanted

You asked for opinions and the majority disagree. Don’t ask if you only want responses where people agree.

They can invite who they want to invite. But I hate this bullshit about ‘we want our guests to be able to have fun’!’ No, you want to not pay for 30 extra guests. Just be honest. It’s not fun having to coordinate childcare with multiple family members who live far away, organising their travel, doing food shopping and cooking to feed them because they won’t while they are here, cleaning the house, sorting bedding, dealing with upset dc, just for a night away. It’s so much easier and more enjoyable to bring them.

I don’t mind if people don’t invite children. But it just means we won’t be coming as no family support really and no magic childcare fairy.

It's disappointing if you were expecting something else but just like any other event the hosts do get to pick and choose who to invite. Not every occasion is a the more the merrier occasion.

At the same time the Bride and Groom have to accept that people may decline their invitation because they don't want to attend without their children or only one half of a couple may go while the other parent stays home with the kids.

Erm.. I said thanks! ???

Same here.

the reason they said was because they want the parents to have fun (!)

I don't have kids and even i hate this bs excuse. You don't want kinds at your wedding, don't make it sound like you're doing a favour for the parents. I'm sure they're smart enough to figure out the child can stay at home if they want to go without.

Anyways, i dont necessarily think kids at weddings are the worst But they want specific kids there, that's fine. Offering to pay for your kids to attend? Rude. Unfortunately sometimes you miss out because you have kids. It sucks, but that's just how it is.

The 'have fun without them' is a standard 'blah blah' you'll find on invitations when the B&G aren't inviting kids.

It's nothing to do with fun, they just want a childfree or semi childfree wedding.

And as always that's their choice.

If someone asked me if they could pay to bring their children to my wedding - like it was a couple of extra tickets to the panto - I’d think they’d lost the plot. Who does that?!

There are dozens of threads on this every summer. People massively over-complicate the issue. If you’re the bride and groom, you can invite who you like, but you can’t get offended if people can’t come because they can’t get childcare. If you’re the invitee, you can either accept the terms and go or decide you can’t accept them and decline. You don’t get to throw a strop or ask them change the terms. It’s simple.

Sounds as if there will be quite a lot of children there, with all the siblings and two other families bringing them. If the couple has have loads of friends with children and they all came, it is quite possible that the adults might not enjoy the event as much. Anyway, that's what your friends have decided.

I've never seen it in real life. I've only seen a more honest "we are unfortunately to accommodate your children" kind of statement and that's far less irritating than someone deciding for me what I would find fun. It's as bad as a tacky poem asking for cash. I have no problem with cash, I do have an issue with the twee poem!

They can invite who they want to invite. But I hate this bullshit about ‘we want our guests to be able to have fun’!’ No, you want to not pay for 30 extra guests. Just be honest.

Are you really saying you’d prefer to be told this? Would you genuinely be any happier about having to organise childcare because the bride and groom had “just been honest” and told you it was all about cash?

To me, it’s probably a mix of both. Yes, it’s bloody expensive to have a lot of children at a wedding. But it also changes the vibe significantly. Maybe the bride and groom genuinely DO want their guests to just enjoy the reception rather than panicking that their kids will be running around knocking over the cake or the presents, or loudly getting bored during the speeches.

So there’s an element of polite fiction to it all. So what? We all know people do this. There’s a reason why shops have signs saying “For security and safety purposes, CCTV is in operation” rather than “Don’t try anything, you thieving scumbags - we’re watching you”. It’s the same reason nobody sends out a wedding invitation saying “Sorry, no kids - they cost too much and we can’t stand the little brats”.

Their wedding

Their rules

People can choose to have / not have children attending the wedding THEY host.

@Rewis @ShamrockShenanigans

Lots of people WOULD have more fun at a wedding without their kids though! Without their kids they can just be themselves and not ‘mum’ or ‘dad’, let their hair down, have drinks, adult conversation, or get on the dancefloor etc

And they can decide that for themselves. If someone receives an invitation for them and their children and they would have more fun not bringing the children they can do so. It's still patronising to inform people of how they will enjoy themselves more.

Whoever this is, it's their call as it's their wedding.

I do think the 'having fun' comment is a bit misplaced as they should have known people would interpret it badly if coming from the perspective that they want their kids to come. Only they know what was really behind this comment though.

Not taking children is no big deal IMO. IRL for me, children are always invited to weddings of close family, are never invited to weddings of friends, and weddings of relatives could go either way. Not once has anyone I know IRL ever expressed a grievance about this. I honestly don't think I've ever been to a wedding where the children of friends are invited! Perhaps I have lived a sheltered life. Am also fairly confident that even if children were invited, they wouldn't be taken!

(ETA exception may be a friend breastfeeding a newborn)

Yeah, this. It's just a filler.
I wish I'd had a childfree wedding.

The wedding in the OP will have a load of kids at it, so I don't really understand the thread title.

It's perfectly reasonable to have whatever wedding you want, and invite (or not) whoever you want.

Their wedding, their choice. Just as long as they realise some people will decline the invite.

It’s their choice. Stop bitching about it and either go or don’t.

I went to a wedding not long ago where kids were invited, I noticed the majority of guests with children left early. The room felt pretty empty for the last couple of hours.