Guest ruined carpet

[DeedlessIndeed]

OK, logically I know that this is a minor problem in the grand scheme of things. I know people are facing real issues in the world, but this has really annoyed me.

We have just had new wool carpet fitted in the whole of the upstairs. Saved up for a while as it was expensive (for us). After 5 years of renovation, we finally have the upstairs finished! I was so so happy.

Had parents stay this weekend and left yesterday. They've seen the house in all stages of building site and they know how excited I am to have the upstairs done. I explained that we are being careful to keep it looking nice. And they know we are a slippers only house apart from the hard floors in the hall etc.

Well, I went into their room to do the bedding this morning and can see that they've rolled their dirty suitcase wheels all along the carpet. A bit annoying, but oh well. It's dried so I can hoover it up hopefully. Then I see they've spilled a coffee or dark tea next to the bed. There is a huge splatter mark all over the carpet in front of the beside table. It's also on the skirting board and wall, but I can touch that up at least.

I'm just feeling a bit gutted. If they had an accident then why not say and I could have got on it and stop it staining. I'm regretting not getting a easily cleanable carpet but the fact they didn't mention it is the worst part IYSWIM?

Would you say anything to your parents? They do mean well, but they just don't "get" having nice things and looking after them.

I’d be really upset

how inconsiderate of them and they should have said so you could deal with it quickly

accidents happen but they sound careless

I wonder how much "nice stuff"of theirs the OP ruined when growing up!!

Ideally they should have mentioned it, but accidents happen and it’s not something I could get too worked up about - it will come out.

DH, however, managed to melt our new carpet about a month after we got it - now that was annoying 🤣

This is exactly the sort of thing my parents did (and still do). There is a burn in the guest room carpet that could only have been one of my parents, which we didn't discover until we lifted the rug to clean the carpet completely. Of course they both deny it and have refused to pay for the damage. Coupled with tea/coffee stains on both carpets and the walls that we don't find until once they've gone means we are then cleaning up their messes.

I have told them they treat our house like a hotel on more than one occasion, and never owning up to breaking glasses/mugs etc has infuriated us no end. It's the hiding the fact that something is broken and then when confronted it's "oh I forgot to mention it", then no offer to replace anything. I could never imagine doing this in their house, to the extent we bring food/milk that they are unlikely to eat for our son when we do go and visit them.

They live about 8 hours away so visits are not that frequent, but when they do visit us I'm on edge most of the time.

I would say something about the coffee spill and next time ask that they don’t take drinks upstairs

They should have told you. Buy them sipping cups for upstairs or ban tea/coffee.
It was careless.
I would pay to have it professionally cleaned if I caused the damage

I can only say in their defense if they're elderly they might not have seen the stain and also might be more wobbly when lifting cups etc.

But that's still not OK to not say anything. You should mention it and ask if they saw. I'd not want any drinks apart from water in the room if I knew these things might happen.

If the carpet was ancient it wouldn't seem as bad but definitely speak to them about it.

There must be products that can lift the stain surely as spillages do happen? But you can ask they contribute to the cost.

Do you have any shaving foam to hand? It is great at getting stains out of carpets.

Did you spill things when you were a child in their house? Did you accidentally drop stuff on their carpets?

I understand the pain of affording nice carpets but no, of course you don’t say anything. They are not ‘guests’, they’re your family who have raised you. Shit happens.

Do you always refer to your parents as house guests?

You must feel really upset, but it seems like nobody respects other people's possessions, even family, and this is why we can't have nice things!!! But, please consider yourself slightly lucky. We looked after my daughter's cat last weekend and he pooed on the bedroom carpet....twice!!! (In her defence, she was very upset with her cat!)

I be telling them they can stay in a hotel or air b+b next time, Some accidents happen however though from what you say its complete disrespect

This exactly.

Of course it’s annoying, but accidents happen as I’m sure your parents have learned through raising you.

To those saying accidents happen, of course they do, but if you spilled coffee on someone's carpet, wouldn't you say, oh sorry I've spilled some coffee, can I have a cloth and some soapy water to clean it up before it dries??

I’m pretty precious about my home. Everything I have unpaid for and selected and I want it to last I would mention it to your dm or dd and say…no food or drink of any kind upstairs ever again. If they are messy and don’t care about their house they will not suddenly ecome conscientious in your house. You now know to help with their suitcases. Suitcases and suitcase wheels are often filthy and leave marks. It’s your house your rules. It really doesn’t matter if you spilled or broke something in their house…you were and are their child. They are not children. And I would check on the room while they are staying there

I would definitely mention it to them. Whether caused by carelessness or frailty, you would have know you'd done it, and that the carpet was new. It's often easier to get stains out while they are still wet. Do you have any new carpet offcuts left over? I've had carpet patched before professionally when a stain wouldn't budge and you really can't see where the patched bit is.

For those posters saying the OP must have damaged things in her parents' house while she was young, that is completely different as she was a child, not a fully grown adult!

I once asked my parents after something similar during a visit to my house "how did you react when I broke something as a child?" And my dad said "probably very angry and punished you". I just said "exactly" because they always complain I'm not patient with them. It was a great way to point out that they weren't patient parents to me as a child so don't deserve any patience off me now

I think it was rude that they didn't think to let you know so that it could be cleaned up quickly. I think buying a wool carpet was probably a little dangerous! I love to drink coffee in bed when the kids are out (once in a blue moon!) We have a very light cream carpet upstairs and I regret it so much! As soon as I've vacuumed, someone will take their socks off and there's sock fluff everywhere!

Anyway, I'd buy a spot cleaner and also ask my parents why they didn't inform me of the spill. That's baffling.

Maybe they don't realise. I don't think I would say anything to them. If they are good parents and as you say mean well. I completely understand how you feel but people matter more than things
I think you should get a professional carpet cleaner in to deal with it.

I’d be so upset OP and I am happy to admit it - especially after saving for a long time for my own carpets and wanting to take pride in my home.

I got mine fitted 5 years ago and they are light coloured and look brand new, I don’t allow any shoes in the house and expect people to sit at the table with food and drinks, the only person to have an issue was my best friend.
My friend refused to visit and take her shoes off for a few months but in the end she bought slippers when I didn’t back down. Her carpets are completely trashed after moving into a house with new ones throughout 9 months ago, some people just don’t give a shit.
I work hard to buy things for my house and she doesn’t work and her parents bought her house so I think that makes a difference, I see her kids spilling food and drinks and not cleaning it up and it just seems a shame, her house was beautiful and newly renovated and decorated when she moved in and it looks shabby now. I sound like a terrible snob but it’s just frustrating that she doesn’t appreciate what I had to work so hard for and let her cats shred her carpets because her parents will eventually just replace them.

I would say something to my parents and make it clear that’s why you want stricter rules with food and drinks in future, I think that’s reasonable if they can’t take care with them.

I would say it’s how you are brought up but my parents had a lovely home when I was growing up and I was very keen to keep it clean and tidy, I was the opposite to a teen who wouldn’t keep their room tidy.
I used to do most of the housework and came home after school and spent ages cleaning. My parents would finish work and leave shoes and coats everywhere, make a meal and not clean the kitchen afterwards, leave glasses everywhere and the house would be a tip after a few hours.

I got so fed up of their messiness and moved into my own flat just before my 18th birthday with my boyfriend.
We kept that flat spotless and worked hard to do it up on a very small budget, people just didn’t understand our desire to look after things and want it to stay tidy.

I always thought it was normal to keep an immaculate house and I enjoy cleaning, I think it’s actually more common for people to have a “lived in” house. That’s great for them and I understand being more relaxed but I do expect basic respect for our home from visitors, I get annoyed when people moan about wanting to walk in with muddy shoes, walk about eating, put feet on the sofas or coffee tables or let their kids run round touching everything.
I have had to reduce the amount of people who visit and go to their house instead, I don’t think I’m unreasonable but reading mumsnet sometimes I suspect a lot of people would disagree and call me anal!

I understand your upset - it must be gutting.

But - accidents happen. Could have been you, and it could happen again. At the end of the day, it’s a carpet. In the spare room, so not like you have to look at it everyday.

I agree that you want your guests to feel relaxed and at home, so that means accepting that others might have different standards - or that accidents happen.

I wouldn't have a conversation now as the damage is done and it won't help.

I would definitely have a no food and drinks upstairs rule going forward though, for everyone but particularly them after this experience and knowing they aren't careful with their own carpet.

To the PP who have mentioned it, yes I am sure I ruined things as a child! Don't all children break something or other during their childhood?

Having said that, I left home to go to uni and never went back. Since then I've never ruined anything in their home. But if I did, I would be mortified and offer to pay/ clean it there and then. Not leave it without saying a word.

I'm definifely not going to angrily confront them, or cause a scene. I have said that I know it is an overeaction to get upset.

To the PP who said about all my parents do for me such as childcare etc, my parents have not looked after DD apart from one evening when she was a new born when DH and I went out to dinner. It was 90 minutes. They live the other side of the country so not the most convenient babysitters!

Having said that, they are my parents. Despite differences in attitude I really don't want to make them feel bad. But I wish they were a bit more considerate and less dismissive of the things I value, regardless of their own views of "nice things".

I'm another one who had a parent - mother - like this OP. She was completely lacking in any interest in her house, if I didn't clean it it didn't get cleaned. In my house, she thought I was ridiculously houseproud, and would mock me for wanting to have nice things and everything "nice".

I could never quite decide whether she really didn't care if she eg spilled coffee on my carpet, or if there was an element of "ha! Good enough for you" - which was a phrase she was very fond of when I was a kid. Not a great relationship as you can guess.

I've no advice on cleaning the carpet except if you can afford it, to get it done professionally. If you try tackling it yourself there's always the chance you could set the stain rather than get rid of it.

I'm with you on feeling upset. We have a carpet cleaner - bit like a hoover but with soap and water!! Absolutely brilliant and works on our wool carpet.