Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why did my PT ghost me? Did I cross a line?

81 replies

ThatAmberSquid · 02/07/2025 10:23

So, I started seeing a personal trainer a few months ago. I’d left my job due to bullying and was trying to get my life back on track, starting with getting fit again - I’d put on quite a lot of weight due to stress eating. He is fairly new to personal training but also does a lot of work with wellbeing/mental health in the workplace so I thought that would be a great fit because he’d have an understanding of what I’d been through. The sessions seemed to go well and I thought we were getting on really well. I should say, he is a really attractive guy but I didn’t think of him in that way because I’m about ten years older than him and quite unfit at the moment. The conversations we had did get quite personal - he brought up a date he’d been on and we talked about dating disasters etc. He has also complimented me on my appearance quite a few times but I just took that as being a salesy thing that PT’s do. Anyway, my savings are starting to dwindle a bit and I’ve not had much luck on the job front so I mentioned this in our last session in case I needed to cut down on the amount of time I was seeing him. He said as he’d worked in recruitment to send him my CV and he’d take a look - which I did. Got no acknowledgement back. I then decided that I might need to take a break for a while because of finances so I messaged him and explained, saying hopefully I’d be able to book something in a few weeks. Got no response. I’m quite flabbergasted at how rude and unprofessional this is. If I were trying to build my reputation as a PT I would be really keen to keep my clients. I obviously can’t book a session now as it would be embarrassing and I think I’d also find it embarrassing if I were to bump in to him at the gym (which is likely). It’s also made me wonder what kind of vibes I was giving off and if he thought I was some kind of scary cougar! Don’t know if i am being unreasonable/oversensitive about this but would appreciate any feedback.

OP posts:
ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 02/07/2025 10:25

He may have thought you were looking for a freebie.

andfinallyhereweare · 02/07/2025 10:38

Total non event… do you often relate others actions to your worth?/shame? He didn’t reply that’s all that’s happened… why you can’t book again is beyond me or be embarrassed when you see him? Just act as all is normal as it is as nothings happened at all

ThatAmberSquid · 02/07/2025 10:44

No, I think I’m just sick of how rude people seem to be. Case in point here.

OP posts:
workshy46 · 02/07/2025 10:49

V much doubt he thought you were looking for a freebie ..probably couldn't think of something to say but if you got on well and thought they were good I would have no issues booking again when finances allow. He should have replied though

Zempy · 02/07/2025 10:50

Agree with PP I don’t know why you are reading so much into this. It would barely register for me.

cherrycherrypickin · 02/07/2025 10:54

Your text wasn't a question though so didn't need a reply. Not sure why that means you can't book again.

DaisyChain505 · 02/07/2025 10:54

If he’s new to personal training he may be trying to juggle his work load/be stressed with the amount of messages and admin he has on and him not answering you could purely be down to him opening your message, seeing it’s not someone looking at booking in with him and telling himself that he’ll reply later and simply forgetting.

CreationNat1on · 02/07/2025 10:56

Was there a need for a response? Or a correspondence ping pong.

I also think it is a non event.

He might be trying to re assert a PT/Client divide and not be overly friendly. You ve told him you are taking a break from his service, that's all that happened.

He is probably more focused on paying clients.

DiscoPig · 02/07/2025 10:58

cherrycherrypickin · 02/07/2025 10:54

Your text wasn't a question though so didn't need a reply. Not sure why that means you can't book again.

Yes, this. And none of that backstory was necessary, OP. You told your PT that you were possibly going to have to cut down on sessions for financial reasons, then you messaged him to say you were taking a break and hoped to book something in a few weeks. At most I'd have expected a thumbs up in reply. Most PTs aren't the most verbal of people. He hasn't ghosted you, he just failed to acknowledge a text that didn't ask a question. He's presumably fully expecting to hear from you again when you can afford to resume.

Book again as soon as you wish or can afford to. You're being quite weird about this, and behaving a bit as if it's a dating situation where he has to express eagerness about the next date.

CreationNat1on · 02/07/2025 11:01

If OP was bullied out of a job perhaps she is hyper vigilant and reading too much into the exchanges.

ShouldWeGoAway · 02/07/2025 11:01

Widen the context, depersonalise and it becomes a non issue.

We had a new guy do some gardening. Relatively new business. We asked for more work to be done. He booked a day, he didn't turn up. We asked for a quote for a different job, he gave a day and time, he didn't show.

He has lost our custom.

We have reflected on his lack of diary management, communication and organisation. It would take little effort to send a message to quickly say ‘ sorry, caught up in a job/traffic can we reschedule? We haven't said ‘he has ghosted us’ - too personal for a business connection.

These small businesses need some business sense!

ZippyPeer · 02/07/2025 11:02

Gently, would say you are overthinking this. Based on what you've said there is no reason to be embarrassed and it would be fine to bump into him or book in a new session.

Riprap · 02/07/2025 11:05

How long ago did you send the message he didn’t reply to? People are busy… as you said you were taking a break from his sessions, he probably classified replying as a non priority. No reason at all for you to not get in touch in weeks / months time to rebook. Hope you find another job soon.

Ihavepaidalotforthisstory · 02/07/2025 11:05

I probably wouldn't of replied either OP if I was your PT. I would be investing energy into paying clients not people who aren't booking with me and have admitted to having financial difficulties. It's not personal but you've taken it that way.

Xyloplane · 02/07/2025 11:07

Going from your OP I do think you need to do more work on appropriate boundaries. A PT should not feel comfortable enough with you to start making comments about your attractiveness or be sharing dating stories and you certainly should not have sent him your CV. He is supposed to be a professional offering a service, he is not your friend. None of this sounds at all professional but you also need to look at your behaviour here because he clearly felt comfortable enough to blur a lot of boundaries with you.

SummerFrog25 · 02/07/2025 11:07

CreationNat1on · 02/07/2025 10:56

Was there a need for a response? Or a correspondence ping pong.

I also think it is a non event.

He might be trying to re assert a PT/Client divide and not be overly friendly. You ve told him you are taking a break from his service, that's all that happened.

He is probably more focused on paying clients.

It's pretty rude to suggest someone sends you their CV,then not even acknowledge you've received it when they do.

i also think it's rude not to acknowledge a text like that too. Just an 'that's a Shane, but let me know when/if you'd like to book another session'. I'd also say 'good luck with the job hunting'. Or something. It takes seconds!

BigDeepBreaths · 02/07/2025 11:13

OP I think you currently have low self esteem and are over analysing and over thinking things. This is a minor and mundane exchange for mist people, but you possibly have heightened sensitivity due to the work situation/stress. Your OP and trplies suggest you are very self concious. Invest some time in yourself - some great books out there which are cheaper than therapy if you cant afford that.

DoristheBoris · 02/07/2025 11:13

This thread is almost identical to one a few months ago but it was about a therapist. OP you said you would need to take a break. He let you. He didn’t ghost you.

KrisAkabusi · 02/07/2025 11:15

Like others, I think you're overreacting, I don't understand at all why you would be embarrassed to see him at the gym or why your mind has jumped to 'cougar'. It's just not what most people would think in this situation. He could be busy, bad at paperwork, not a texter, loads of reasons really.

AquaBreeze · 02/07/2025 11:15

Respectfully, you are deeply overthinking this. I agree a short acknowledgement message might have been nice but your message didn’t require an answer. It doesn’t pose a question. I’m mystified why you can’t re-book with him.

ThatAmberSquid · 02/07/2025 11:16

Yes, this is what I thought. It’s not just the non response, it’s the CV thing. Probably was blurring boundaries tbh but it does take a second to acknowledge and why offer in the first place? I probably am being over sensitive due to what happened at work as well, it was quite traumatising and I think I’ve just become really disillusioned with people which might be why I’m overreacting.

OP posts:
Driftingawaynow · 02/07/2025 11:17

I used to feel all the same when people didn’t reply to messages but time and time again it’s transpired that the person has just been a bit sketchy, I think this is getting more common as we are all increasingly overwhelmed with social media, work and friend messages on multiple platforms, online dating if you’re doing all of that as well… The culture is changing. I would not get eggy with someone for missing one message or even being generally sketchy re messages if they are nice enough in real life. I have also started giving myself permission to not always respond to things and it’s a revelation, I can see why people do it and I don’t think it’s necessarily meant rudely.

whynotmereally · 02/07/2025 11:19

The ignoring your cv after saying he would help is rude. Not responding when you cancelled is a little rude and likely to put you off returning.

Miyagi99 · 02/07/2025 11:22

I don’t think he needed to respond so I wouldn’t take it personally, he could have responded which would have been a bit more polite but I don’t think it needs to be awkward if you bump into him or employ him in the future.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 02/07/2025 11:23

I don’t think he has ghosted you. He knows you can’t afford it so is waiting for you to message when you can. He’s not your friend!

Swipe left for the next trending thread