Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why did my PT ghost me? Did I cross a line?

81 replies

ThatAmberSquid · 02/07/2025 10:23

So, I started seeing a personal trainer a few months ago. I’d left my job due to bullying and was trying to get my life back on track, starting with getting fit again - I’d put on quite a lot of weight due to stress eating. He is fairly new to personal training but also does a lot of work with wellbeing/mental health in the workplace so I thought that would be a great fit because he’d have an understanding of what I’d been through. The sessions seemed to go well and I thought we were getting on really well. I should say, he is a really attractive guy but I didn’t think of him in that way because I’m about ten years older than him and quite unfit at the moment. The conversations we had did get quite personal - he brought up a date he’d been on and we talked about dating disasters etc. He has also complimented me on my appearance quite a few times but I just took that as being a salesy thing that PT’s do. Anyway, my savings are starting to dwindle a bit and I’ve not had much luck on the job front so I mentioned this in our last session in case I needed to cut down on the amount of time I was seeing him. He said as he’d worked in recruitment to send him my CV and he’d take a look - which I did. Got no acknowledgement back. I then decided that I might need to take a break for a while because of finances so I messaged him and explained, saying hopefully I’d be able to book something in a few weeks. Got no response. I’m quite flabbergasted at how rude and unprofessional this is. If I were trying to build my reputation as a PT I would be really keen to keep my clients. I obviously can’t book a session now as it would be embarrassing and I think I’d also find it embarrassing if I were to bump in to him at the gym (which is likely). It’s also made me wonder what kind of vibes I was giving off and if he thought I was some kind of scary cougar! Don’t know if i am being unreasonable/oversensitive about this but would appreciate any feedback.

OP posts:
SaturdayDream · 02/07/2025 12:40

It’s his business at the end of the day. He will be focusing his time on people who are trying to book.

Ontherocksthisyear · 02/07/2025 12:41

cherrycherrypickin · 02/07/2025 10:54

Your text wasn't a question though so didn't need a reply. Not sure why that means you can't book again.

This is stupid and I see it a lot. Do you just stand there blankly or not text back when someone hasn't asked you a question then? Obviously you haven't heard of social etiquette.

Winter2020 · 02/07/2025 12:42

ThatAmberSquid · 02/07/2025 11:16

Yes, this is what I thought. It’s not just the non response, it’s the CV thing. Probably was blurring boundaries tbh but it does take a second to acknowledge and why offer in the first place? I probably am being over sensitive due to what happened at work as well, it was quite traumatising and I think I’ve just become really disillusioned with people which might be why I’m overreacting.

I think he was probably out of his depth with your CV - unless his previous job was in recruitment. That or when it came to it he just couldn’t be bothered to look.

Good luck with the job hunting. Agency work can be a good way to get some broad experience and get your face known in a few workplaces. It might boost your confidence too.

wizzywig · 02/07/2025 12:44

He hasn't learnt the niceties of responding to your message with a "happy to have you back when you are ready".

SaturdayDream · 02/07/2025 12:49

SummerFrog25 · 02/07/2025 11:07

It's pretty rude to suggest someone sends you their CV,then not even acknowledge you've received it when they do.

i also think it's rude not to acknowledge a text like that too. Just an 'that's a Shane, but let me know when/if you'd like to book another session'. I'd also say 'good luck with the job hunting'. Or something. It takes seconds!

Show quote history

It sounds like he has boundaries to me and he didn’t want to give OP the opportunity to start a back and forth conversation which is what it sounds like she was trying to do.

Original poster
ThatAmberSquid · 02/07/2025 12:55

Er, did you read the post? He suggested I send him my CV. And then didn’t respond when I did. Utterly bizarre responses on this thread.

OP posts:
Greenjack · 02/07/2025 13:05

ThatAmberSquid · 02/07/2025 11:52

no, there was a long gap in between messages. I feel really foolish now for posting this as it does seem like an overreaction and maybe I need to address the trauma from the workplace bullying. I think it’s partly that I’ve been very reluctant to engage with anyone since this happened as I’ve become hugely disillusioned with people generally and this hasn’t really helped.

OP I think you could really benefit from some therapy. Bullying can really destroy our self esteem and our boundaries. I suspect just a few sessions with a really skilled and experienced therapist would make a massive difference.

LifeExperience · 02/07/2025 13:11

This is a nonevent. I'm with the others who suggest therapy after bullying. You need to heal so you can put things in perspective.

WorcsEdu · 02/07/2025 13:13

I would just think he’s busy with current clients…! He didn’t ghost you and I’m sure you could book a session.

LapsBender · 02/07/2025 13:13

I agree the PT seems immature and should have kept better boundaries - offering to look at someone's CV is quite a "potential friend" thing to do. You've done nothing wrong OP.

He should have remained detached and polite. One of my best classes was with someone who was quite strict with bookings/money etc but super gentle and soft in class.

Exercise is so good for your mental health so don't drop it - OP just find some free classes on YouTube (yoga with Adrienne or Pilates with Lynn robinson) and follow a couch to 5k. Free and will carry you through life.

Missj25 · 02/07/2025 13:23

SummerFrog25 · 02/07/2025 11:07

It's pretty rude to suggest someone sends you their CV,then not even acknowledge you've received it when they do.

i also think it's rude not to acknowledge a text like that too. Just an 'that's a Shane, but let me know when/if you'd like to book another session'. I'd also say 'good luck with the job hunting'. Or something. It takes seconds!

Show quote history

I agree completely, it takes seconds to reply & it’s common courtesy..
He asked afterall for OP to forward her cv , so everyone here saying no need to reply , stop being ridiculous..
You reply to acknowledge you received it ..

PlasticAcrobat · 02/07/2025 13:25

I think he probably regretted the comment about offering to look at your CV and didn't really expect/want you to take him up on it. I also think that, like any small trader, he is probably overwhelmed with messages and has to be ruthless about what to reply to.

I had a plumber recently who failed to send me an invoice for weeks, even after I sent a message reminding him. He didn't reply to my message or acknowledge receipt of my bank transfer after the invoice was finally sent.

I was very slightly annoyed by the uncertainty that generated for me, but also I completely understood how busy he was -- and how hard many traders find it to keep on top of admin rather than just focussing on the skills that they bring to their role.

Devonshiregal · 02/07/2025 13:36

People are rude now. And it upsets me how people don’t reply. But he may very well pop up in a week with an interview opportunity. He might have read your message at 12 and night and not wanted to reply so late - so as not to be inappropriate - and then just forgotten.

the trouble with being so connected is that people are disconnected and don’t see how their actions impact others. We also expect immediate responses but what is important to us is completely irrelevant to them. He could have a sick mum or put his dog to sleep or anything and he hasn’t been on correspondence. But because there’s not a big pile of letters on his desk waiting for his return to deal with, all communication has just swept over him.

I hate it but I even do it.

also, what do you mean by he complimented your appearance? Like you say well I’m old and haggard now as a joke and he says nah you’re great looking to be polite or he was flirting?

GAJLY · 02/07/2025 13:48

I'm sorry but I didn't think you needed a reply?! I think he's waiting for you to reach out if you want to restart sessions? You could chase him about the potential job.

Wolfpinkola · 02/07/2025 13:50

there isn’t really a call to action response needed from him. I think you’re overthinking it just text back if you want another session or nudge him about your CV.

FirenzeFirenze · 02/07/2025 14:23

Berryslacks · 02/07/2025 12:36

I am sorry @ThatAmberSquid that you experienced bullying in your previous workplace. When things like that happen to us we do begin to doubt ourselves. Please don’t feel foolish for posting.I would also have expected a brief reply to the text you sent. So you are not alone in that view. I think he was a bit rude not to reply very briefly. The best of luck in finding a new job soon OP with nice people.

I was just about to write a similar post OP so thank you Berryslacks!

Re the CV, people often offer to help in the moment, but then when you actually followed through he may have regretted it and didn’t want to give the time to it, particularly as he thought you were going to take a break from the training. People are flaky sadly, even those that seem really lovely.

I’m very like you OP and rightly or wrongly would have felt just the same if it’s any consolation!

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 02/07/2025 14:41

I would have expected a reply back from the PT both times. It's rude otherwise.

Don't get hung up on it, I'm sure it's not personal.

MsDDxx · 02/07/2025 14:43

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 02/07/2025 10:25

He may have thought you were looking for a freebie.

Doesn’t explain the ghosting though, as a professional person.

TheLemonLemur · 02/07/2025 14:45

I would agree with others he's busy you said you couldn't afford more sessions he's not going to pester you to book hes tryjng to run a business..honestly it sounds like you had a bit of a crush and are feeling rejected. The CV thing I'd be bothered if I had paid a fee but I wouldn't really be upset at someone offering a favour for free not following it up

ElCorazon · 02/07/2025 14:47

Maybe he’s dead? 😑

Derbee · 02/07/2025 14:53

I think it’s great to concentrate on getting fit and happy when you’ve had a rough time. But I think this overreaction to a pretty standard social interaction shows that you still have some work to do on yourself - could you afford some therapy? The mental is important as well as the physical, OP.

Fancycheese · 02/07/2025 14:55

Are you being honest with yourself about how the feel for this PT? It sounds like a potential crush was developing. I think it’s a good thing he didn’t respond re your CV. It sounds like some distance is a good idea. He’s not your friend. Maybe some therapy would be a good idea after the awful time you’ve had in work.

JMSA · 02/07/2025 15:01

The fact you’re thinking about this and are annoyed about it, shows how blurred the client/PT relationship had become.
I do agree that he could have sent some kind of follow-up communication, but he’s probably just busy focusing on his paying clients.

mcmooberry · 02/07/2025 15:12

I - as is often the way - am surprised by the responses on here. You have obviously seen quite a lot of him if you started having PT a few months ago so of course it's rude, and odd, of him not to reply. Even if he is quietly seething at the loss of income from you, why not reply politely and keep the door open for you to start using him again when finances allow.

Flamencosun · 02/07/2025 15:19

I also would have expected a short reply or acknowledgment too. He’s not a very good salesman and is a bit unprofessional ignoring you. I wouldn’t overthink it too much though op leave him to it and find someone else.
Have you been forced to put a brave face on at work despite the bullying? I found this made me much less tolerant of others when they just decided they couldn’t be bothered to have basic manners.