Child left in car in 35 degree heat

[Empress13]

Please tell me as I’m struggling to understand How the hell you could forget you have left a child in a car in such extreme heat. Unbelievable ! that poor child

I am a Cub leader.

At least once a term, we have a "forgotten" child. Never the same one, but just a parent having a momentary brain lapse. Busy putting younger siblings to bed. Or the other parent normally picks up but is on a work trip. Lost track of time. Stuck in traffic and thought the other parent would get them. For some reason thought we finished later than we do. All good parents, who make a mistake

I once forgot to pick up DD2 from school... despite picking up DD1! She was having friends for a sleepover so I was busy making sure I had them, DD2s class was late out, they normally got the school bus... I only got as far as the gate.

If it's a change of routine, in the parent's head the child is at nursery or in childcare - particularly if it is normally their partner who does the drop-off. That's why it can take a long time to realise.

Exactly, you're in the routine of having children in the car, opening doors etc - is it really so hard to believe that the father could have been in a routine of not doing that? His routine probably was to drive to work, get out of car, walk away. He didn't realise the child was there - just like you sometimes do not realise children aren't there.

These tragic accidents have been going on for years. Made worse by rear facing car seats. Why car seat manufacturers are not now adding alarms that somehow know when the engine is turned off and that the car seat is still occupied. It could even be linked to the car alarm in some way. Or linked to your phone. Tech could go some way to solving this.

Everyone saying this could never happen to me, I bet that's what these parents said too.

Everyone saying this could never happen to me, I bet that's what these parents said too.

This.

If we all assumed it could happen to us, and took precautions accordingly, then it would happen far less.

In most of these reported cases it is not that they will have totally forgotten they had a baby - in their mind they will be thinking their child is safe and well with the other parent, or at nursery or wherever they were supposed to be.

The issue is that the tendency for the brain to go on autopilot (perhaps especially when driving) and they have either a) checked dropping off their child on their mental to-do list without actually doing it or b) forgetting it was ever on their to do list that day as it is not the usual routine.

So if you do it on autopilot when you don't have them, it should be easy to understand people being on autopilot if they are not used to having the child with them. You are going through a series of reflex activities. A parent that doesn't normally do the nursery drop off has a different set of reflex activities.

The whole point is that if you forget in that split second and walk away from your car, you are then at work, on calls, doing your job and not thinking about your child. Your subconscious tells you your child is safe at nursery.

No, some children sleep heavily. I remember once a clap of thunder over my house that was like an explosion; it rattled the windows and made me compulsively duck down. I love storms but it scared the hell out of me, especially as it was kind of out of nowhere. I raced upstairs to check my kids weren't terrified and both were still asleep 😂

My DH and DS are such creatures of habit... almost to the extent it makes them idiots when it comes to using common sense and coping with something unknown, and I could believe them capable of this if stressed out or tired.

As PP said, 'There but for the grace of God go I.'

By your own logic, how could anyone forget they don’t have their child in the car? How stupid would you need to be to open the car door when you know your children are somewhere else?

Oh yes, as stupid as you, as stupid as all of us who occasionally act on autopilot. Normally that is inconsequential but one time in a million it will be tragic.

The people who "don't buy" these things being a tragic mistake - what is it you think is happening? Like a pre-planned cold blooded murder?

I'm another one struggling to understand how this happens but I suppose it depends on your approach.

For example, a some parents probably have the baby in the rear seat opposite the driver side. That way thay can use peripherals and mirrors to periodically glance and monitor the baby. The same parent will probably chat away to their baby constantly (even whilst baby is napping). Under those conditions it doesn't seem plausible you could forget the baby was there.

In contrast other parents will put their baby in a car seat directly behind the driver seat, fire up the radio and drive on autopilot in their headspace treating the journey as a small period of downtime. Under those circumstances it's easier to imagine someone forgetting their child.

I still don't find it excusable, tired or not tired.

I can see how it happens, if your routine is altered. Particularly in US with bigger cars and the baby being further away in the back. When mine were little car seats were in the front and I wonder if it was better in that way...although worse in others

I feel like a lot of the articles I read about this happening are in America, women go back to full time work very quickly after giving birth. Maybe they are so fucking tired that contributes to them forgetting, let’s have some sympathy and remember what it feels like to be so tired that you feel dizzy and can’t concentrate.
Let’s not judge.

Very easy to insist you dont accept the explanation but another poster on here told a story where a child was unharmed after dad had got confused with his journey. The truth be told i think it can happen, and if the child dies then we immediately decide it was on purpose but if the child is unharmed we are more likely to accept it wasn't intentional. Especially as you have started the thread think carefully about what your saying about someone who has lost their child and you dont even know them nor do you have the facts.

Yes I'm wondering this too. 3 options really:

• mistake
• murder
• parent left child in the car for several hours on purpose because they couldn't be arsed to drop them to childcare and thought the baby will be fine in a hot car while they are at work for the entire day.

and if we say it can never be an accident, what about all the parents who have done it, but realised sooner, or the day wasn't as hot? We are saying they planned to murder their children but changed their mind? Makes no sense.

This is why everything I arrive at work I get out my car and then open the back door and check the back seats. It is so automatic now but in the early days of implementing this routine I would go back to the car to check if I hadn't. I started this after I read about some of the tragic cases in the hotter parts of the US. We've had complicated drop-off and pick-up schedule that change and I can absolutely see how this could happen. I can feel nothing but absolute sympathy for the parents in this case until there is any information that there was intentional neglect. It is just horrifying that this happens and I do with cars had alarms to prevent it.

Of course parents never treat their children badly, whether through malice or stupidity.

Oh, wait a minute, yes they do.

I can totally see how it happens. I once drove to work, I was giving my dad a lift so we were chatting, dd1 quiet as a mouse in the back seat, completely forgot to drop her at nursery. I realised once I got to work but I was completely on autopilot

If you go back a generation people often had their baby in the pram, left it outside a shop and then forgot and walked home.

Ask your older relatives.

You so get into habits and do things on auto pilot whether that is the drive to work or locking your front door or whatever.

There are numerous stories of astronauts being handed a drink or food that they then just let go because they expect it to just float.

So all the people on this thread telling their stories about how they forgot a child (or dog), are actually just evil and wanted to mistreat their child?

Only difference is that their stories didn't have a tragic outcome.

They must do. They must believe that the recordings of parents on discovering this has happened are the world's best actors in their utter despair and self loathing. They must believe that there are dozens of people round the world every year thinking that the best way to rid themselves of a child is to slowly and agonisingly cook them in a car. That these people are such utter psychopaths that they are able to go and sit in their office doing a day's work while knowing the suffering their child is enduring.

In fact as well as the backseat checking routine I said about above on Monday (peak of the heatwave here) my husband who doesn't usually do drop offs had to take our youngest to a new childcare setting and I asked him to send me a photo of her out of the car once he got to the childcare setting so I would know she was safe. I don't doubtvhis parenting but I know humans go into autopilot and make mistakes. We didn't know to do these checks with our first but we had a very standard routine where I did every drop-off and pick-up atvthe same place so the risk was lower. These stories don't leave you once you read them. That Washington Post article is absolutely heartbreaking.

Honestly anyone ‘not buying it’ needs to read the article.

I left my 6 day old baby at Asda checkouts. Totally forgot in my sleep deprived state I even had a baby at that point.
Also forgot to pick my kids up from school. Distracted by a task at home and the time slipped away. Easily done