Divorcing a cocklodger

[Abouttobescrewedover]

I have put almost £750k of savings/inheritance into our relationship in order to support STBXH business.

I’ve paid off the mortgage on our joint property, and own a smaller rental myself.

With the exception of the properties, I have nothing left. Not a penny once the solicitors have been paid.

STBXH earns about £8k a year. He refuses to give up on the business as it means he can do what he wants, when he wants.

I work part time as well as being the main carer to two young children (plus DSC when here) and the person doing all the housework, etc.

We’re in the early stages of divorce, completing our Form E. My solicitor said his needs will be assessed and that he needs somewhere to live.

AIBU to think this is unfair given he’s choosing to pursue a business that’s making no money?

Has anyone experienced anything like this before?

I have loads of evidence whereby I’ve begged him to get a job!

Well done for getting rid.

Unfortunately, this is what the deal is with marriage. You were sucked in to supporting him in his madness and tolerated his cocklodger ways for a while, and you have children to support. The needs of the children come first, but if there’s enough equity then both partners in the marriage get their housing needs met.

Just look forwards - in the future he can piss his own money up the wall while you are building a stable future for yourself and your children safe from his selfishness. It will be fabulous and well worth the short term pain of getting out of the marriage.

Could you offer him the small rental property to live in and you and the kids keep the main house?

He will have to be housed but that will be worth it to be rid of him. At least he doesn't pretend to be the main carer of the DC. You do need the most shrewd solicitor you can find. One with an understanding of Business and inheritance.

He only needs a small house though and you can show how much you have put in and he has the businesses

I’ve got evidence for everything, it’s all in bank statements.

If we were to sell the family home, I couldn’t buy a three bedroom house in this area for 50% of the equity.

If I sell my rental property, I would be reducing my income by a third and would therefore struggle to live.

Would it make a difference that STBXH spends £1k a month on office space?
There isn’t really a reason he can’t WHF…or get a flipping job!

@Shouldbedoing
Ironically, he has started to show an interest now which is a joke. Again, I can evidence all of this too.

From my understanding of divorce he would be expected to maximise his earnings not rely on you funding him.
Wonder if there is any way of offsetting all the investment you have made into his business in the divorce settlement.
Potentially he could rent your own property for a set period of time- so he is housed but not at your cost?

Why on earth did you put £750k into a business that only makes £8k a year?!? Is there potential for it to make more? And who officially owns the business?

Unfortunately, you're likely to lose out on this.

The first priority dividing assets is needs, and primarily that's housing needs. Even assuming you have your 2 DC most of the time, if he has 1 or more of his own children, that means both of you need suitable homes to house the kids. Which is ultimately what's going to matter. If his DSC are only with him every other weekend you might just get away with saying you need a family home and he just needs say a 2-bed flat, but if they spend significant time with him the kids needs will probably be considered about equal.

Get a solicitor asap - but learn as much as you possibly can, to save money on the solicitor's costs and to be able to direct him or her rather than just take their advice without knowing the background.

The £750k wasn’t just into his business, it was towards our home, legal expenses when going through court with his ex, cars and plugging the gap in our finances when he went self employed. That does include my rental too as he has benefitted from
that income. I have put about £70k directly into his business, including his office and £30k into his pension.

He sees DSC EOW, hoping for a similar arrangement with our DC.

The business is in his name only.

Bump for anyone with anymore experience of this?

It does sound quite unreasonable, but divorce is supposed to share the assets, such as houses & inheritance etc fairly

Generally is used to be men who always felt like they had been financially hard done during divorce as women had often not committed as much financially for obvious reasons - but now it’s often the women who contribute more financially so will be feeling hardest hit financially as well

You need legal advice OP, not the views of randoms on a forum.

Are you confident that your solicitor has the necessary experience and competence to handle cases where a business and inheritance are involved?

Even if you are, you might want to invest a few hundred in a second opinion.

Have you looked at Wikivorce as well? Also, try to read up on case law for similar cases. Knowledge is power…

I lost a lot of money when I got divorced. Not too dissimilar set up. Yes it was painful to realise I should have cut my losses years ago. It was worth it. Sympathies, op.

It’s rubbish OP but this is what marriage is, nothing is “yours” or “his”, it’s all “ours” and you both get to walk away with a share that has nothing to do with how much you have actually put in.

I was happy to leave his pension and business be but I’m tempted to demand a split of that too, take him for all I can

You are unlikely to be doing any "taking him for all you can".

"Your" money is not your money - it is joint. Forget about it being "yours".

The court's no. 1 priority will be housing the children - yours (shared) AND his (SC).

If he only has all of kids EOW that will work in your favour as you will demonstrate a need for a big enough home for housing your children nearly full time - without knowing all the details this is probably your best strategy.

Your solicitor is right - his needs will be assessed. Educate yourself on how financial settlements are decided. Starting point is ensuring both sides housing needs are met - so you need to be arguing why your housing needs are greater than his.

I mean you can, everything goes in the pot, but by the sounds of it neither of those things are worth much.

We’re in a catch 22 in that front as we can’t decide on children until we know more about living arrangements…currently still living together which is horrific.

We only move a few months ago, I really don’t want the kids uprooting again plus 50% this house won’t buy me a three bed in the same area.

What a bloody mess.

@Mrsttcno1
I know…he was having a pop because I’d not get returned by Form E, I said it’s very easy when you just have to right £0 in everything

Talk us through the legals of the business - are you an investor, director, what?

I trust you own half the business.

I do not own half the business, I am not anything. I just transferred money to him.

I know I’m really stupid.

Money to his business account, that is