To back out of a child’s birthday

[TwinkleLittleBean]

This is really hard! The birthday child has additional needs. Last year we went along for birthday and paid for 4 of us (hotel and theme park tickets).
This year it’s going abroad. To a place I know we’d love as a family, but it won’t be on our terms if we go round as a group - we’ll be following a lead.

When I was asked, the child was there and I couldn’t say no - it was a “let’s go to X”!!
The price/dates/DH taking time off work - my other DC is a bit too old for it.
It’s a few months away, but when do I start backing out?

It’s going to feel like I’m letting child with SEN, who thinks she might be going somewhere v special. I don’t think they’d go without us. They see my DC as - almost a sibling.

I wouldn’t dream of asking another family to spend £800+ to celebrate a birthday.
I think I’ll just have to say one DC too old, expense etc…ASAP!

But you said it wouldn't be? That your DD would be having t accomodate this other chil the entire time?

If your child would enjoy it and you would enjoy it, fine. But if it's inconvenient, then don't.

That’s a whole new other thread lol, non invited siblings coming I find so so rude

What a wet lettuce you are.

Yes I have contradicted myself! I think I can be authoritative when I need to be - say at work. But there is something about the dynamic of this relationship where I’m caught off guard, or saying ‘no’ would just cause an overly emotional reaction. In one recent meet up, I was asked to do about 5 or 6 different things - and I just said great! to each one, knowing that it probably wouldn’t materialise.

It’s strange, I actually think I am - in some ways - more in control rather than ‘abused’ because the ideas feel far fetched and imaginary. I feel more grounded in reality.

I’m often told a whole myriad of creative thoughts - which aren’t practical. It’s v yellow personality type!

then I would say that this relationship is damaging you and potentially your child and you need to withdraw from it. What is a "yellow personality"?

Avoiding doing something in your own best interests because it will cause a dramatic overemotional reaction doesn't sound like a healthy relationship with a friend. Of course we want to support those we care about, but you're not responsible for keeping your friends emotions stable. Your friend's child is SEN, that doesn't mean they're the priority over everything nor does it mean you can't say no to them or their parents. You choose how you act - if you maintain this dynamic remember you're choosing to do this.

Your friend sounds quite manipulative to me. She knows your weaknesses and uses emotional blackmail to exploit them. It’s not a healthy dynamic

Your title is rather misleading OP!
This isn’t about backing out of a birthday party. I thought you were going to say is it all right to pull out of party at the local grotty soft play because they won’t cater to my child’s dietary needs or the birthday kid is a brat who hits my child over the head and pelts him with ball pit balls all the time!
This is about a massively expensive trip abroad and hugely entitled parents with wildly unrealistic expectations.
Is suppose if this is ‘normal’ among you and you’ve done it before I can sort of see why they’d expect it again, but you seriously need to nip it in the bud pronto!

I've been reading your responses, OP, and you seem utterly unable to say no to this family.

So how about saying 'I've investigated the costs and the amount of time we'd need off work to go to EuroDisney for Eric's birthday and I'm afraid it's not doable for us. Too expensive (the COL is hitting us hard) and neither of us can manage to book two days off work in October. But I think Eric might enjoy (find something suitable that your kids would enjoy too) and we could manage that.'

Reset their expectations before they want you al to go to Florida for his birthday next year.

This is crazy. Where do u draw a line with this friend. I think u are a pushover.

You're definitely not being unreasonable! But you need to learn to say no! It was very bold of them to ask you to spend all that money and time so you are absolutely justified in saying an emphatic "NO!" with zero guilt attached!
As far as backing out goes, just be honest, tell them you can't afford it and you can't get the time off. And don't feel guilty about saying it. People appreciate directness and I'm sure they'll understand.

why on earth would you agree to this from the onset? also what happened to good old 2 hour long birthday parties..